How has negativity and bitterness affected your chidlren in your failed marriage?

Answer 1

I think that depends on how and why the marriage broke up in the first place...it also has a lot to do with the way both parents handled the break up. If the parents are negative, they will certainly pass that onto their children. If you are honest with your children, and include them in how you are feeling, then they will have a better understanding and probably wont end up with too much negativity and bitterness....Honestly with your children is really important because it is happening to them too. Protecting kids feelings when their parents split is sometimes the worst thing you can do.

I can only speak from my own experience......my kids are strong individuals....they have a good sense of self worth...they saw their mother walk away from unnacceptable behaviour from their father....they saw I had enough love and pride in myself to not belittle myself by staying in a marriage where my husband was seeing other women.

I think I taught them more about love by walking away from my marriage, than if I stayed....Had I stayed they would have learnt how a woman's role is to be walked over....to put up with unnacceptable behaviour because of a marriage certificate....My kids are pretty well adjusted.....I was honest with them, I didnt hide my feelings and I talked about it with them a lot. They were hurt and angry at the time, only because they were little. With time, and lots of honest communication, they grew up with a very healthy attitude about relationships.

I have a friend who stayed in a loveless marriage because of the kids....His wife is a manipulator and "controls" the people she loves. One of her sons is absolutely screwed up and has not had one successful relationship. Her youngest son says he will never marry, and has never had a girlfriend (hes 31)...the eldest daughter has been married twice, but is controlling like her mother.......So maybe had the marriage failed, they would be healthier people and know what it is to love yourself and know what to accept and expect from a loving spouse....alll they ever saw was their father being henpecked....what lessons were they giving to their children? I think negativity and bitterness is present in children from failed marriages, and ones who have their parents still married...unhappy, but married.....everything has to do with the way both parents approach the issue.

Answer 2

My parents were divorced. When I was little, I think I missed having a real family. The holidays were usually quite bad. Although especially my mom was very caring and always there, both my parents worked as well, and were busy with their own stuff. I think for sure that made me very self-oriented and self-fighter in a way. I did not need anybody to keep my schedule, to check my homeworks. Most days I was out early, back late. At some point my mom asked me if I was okay - and I said, I am doing well in school, no need to worry. I had my language and art classes besides school. I am a very positive and cheerful person, first for a party, but this family situation could have had impact. I wasn't upset when my parents divorced - I thought that is better for them, and now I know both of them are happy. I also never approach with negativeness and bitterness things I love to do, just the opposite. And I love my profession, as well as I love art and music. It's coming somewhere in the process, and I need to see what causes it and why in order to eliminate it. My family situation may have contributed to my becoming an ambitious workaholic in a way; all academic setting, with very few family events. Mounting pressure of lots of work, loneliness and uncertainty, lack of stronger support, to succeed at any case. I think that's it.
I did not raise them as I could have and wanted. It was like a downward slope - the more, the worse. It was very bad for me too, because I increasingly suffered that they are not what I wanted them to be. In addition, it affected my communication, and that made things even worse. It caused a vicious cycle, and the bad upbringing. It also slows me down too. When I relate with positive attitude, things fly. At most times, I did not feel relaxed enough. I think pressure has been mounting for a while. A person needs a small, sometimes a little longer break, no matter how much they love their kids. The batteries need to be recharged.

Answer 3

Can I answer from a stepmother's point of view? When I married my husband, my stepdaughter had just turned eighteen so I didn't think we would have issues. Boy was I wrong.
My husband's exwife is still bitter although they divorced thirteen years ago. She spent that time talking to her daughter about what a jerk her father was etc.etc. I won't bore you with the drama but she told the girl so many bad things that a good relationship with her father was impossible. He did remain in her life and kept contact and visitation. But my stepdaughter would not allow herself to be close to her father. I've watched their relationship flounder for the past seven years. We have grandchildren now that we love dearly. But father and daughter are not speaking. They're both soooo stubborn.

When my own parents divorced, my mother told me things about my father, I didn't want or need to know. Their relationship should have remained private. But she needed to vent and vented to me. That was not fair to me. I was a child.

As an adult now, I accept that my mother did the best she could at the time. However, I still harbor a bit of anger that she unloaded on me.

Answer 4

It never did because I got OUT of the marriage before it made us ALL miserable. And I really don't veiw my divorce as the marriage failing. The marrige worked for a time. It's just that neither me nor my ex are they type to be marred period. So it wasn't a failure...it was a mistake. The failure would have been to allow it to continue.

Answer 5

It's immeasurable, And they know it from an early age my son remembers his mom not letting me have both him and his brother at the age of 4.
Just because your divorced you both still have kids to raise. period There is no room for your or the other person's feelings in raising your kids the only thing they should see from both of you is the following.

unity,when it comes to the kids

love,unconditional love

being civil to each other because your going to be raising these kids the rest of your lives, school functions, graduations, marriage, grand kids.

Never ever talk badly of the other parent when the kids are even in the same zip code. They'll remember that too, mine did

Put your kids in front of yourselves, child support, property

If you have issues with the other parent take it to them don't use your kids as a telephone.

Hope this helps

Answer 6

yes i do think it affects children, if the parent stays in the grief, they cheat the child out of a parent, and all that parent can be. bitterness affects everyone in the household, if the parent is sad she may not be able to meet the needs of her children, as she was before, her discipline may change, as if she stays focused on her pain she isn't giving her children the attention they need and are use to. if u are showing negativity the child will pick up on this, may feel cheated out of the love of the parent.as we are their role models, what we teach them, can impact their own lives when they grow up.

Answer 7

Have you tried some counseling? it depends on the child. I have three boys. One it really effected where he wanted to kill himself. the other just has the attitude where it ignores stuff. the other I got out of the relationship because of it and he is fine. but counseling does help. it is bad to bring the children into it. I dont know why people do. my ex tells the boys all differnt thing about me, like I take all his money and he cant buy him anything. He makes 25 dollars and hr. I get 191.00 child support. so my youngest son believe him, because he dosesnt know any better and it effect him . he blames me.

Answer 8

i'm able to think of of of three especially that freaked me out. a million. i became into enjoying complete-sized stay action chess with the bleak Reaper and that i became into between the pawns. each and every of different products have been skeletons. i might desire to no longer even administration my own strikes. My pawn became into captured, and that i died. (I the two had my head decrease off with numerous blood squirting out, or I crumpled to airborne airborne dirt and dirt and airborne dirt and dirt, I forget approximately which.) Then a purple blood-like font reported recreation Over. Play lower back. I very almost screamed. (i'm a nasty chess participant.) 2. i became into marrying my brother and we've been given all a thank you to the kiss part of the ceremony, and that i woke up. I under no situations wore the dress that became into in my dream lower back. that comparable night my brother dreamed that he became into murdered. 3. I dreamed that i became into blamed for murdering my former pastor. i became into in basic words calmly jogging around the dark sanctuary as quickly as I spoke of a shadowy determine run out of the room. I regarded the area it have been and found my former pastor's physique! I knew the police might desire an handle to return, so i attempted desperately to locate the handle of the church interior the place of work. It wasn't everywhere. My chum from my modern-day-day church noted as the church using actuality I have been in there so long. She reported that I had to flow to courtroom docket and became into accused of killing the pastor.

Answer 9

Badly

Answer 10

Badly. The children felt torn between us, confused and hurt. Try to keep it away from them if you can.