people come,
people go,
some you don't even get to know,
when they die
you try not to cry,
it's hard to lose them
but you never forget
or regret,
only remember the good
they understood,
no matter what
they could count on you,
to stop them from being blue,
now watching over you
they help to keep you anything,
but blue,
your guardian angel
they will always be,
and when it's your time to go home
they'll be there,
to welcome you,
then
that's the day you'll be together,
again,
forever,
eternity,
as long as you live above,
in heaven.
Brittany Dare Foy(c)2007
2007-03-15 09:19:25 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
This is a nice poem. It's simple and delicately told with imagery. I think you should get it published.
2007-03-15 09:22:29 · answer #1 · answered by Kristen H 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think I agree with Kiran. It runs on a bit.
Get a book on writing poetry out of the library and find a form you feel comfortable with, and try this again.
You don't need the commas, they are implied by the changes in the lines. There are no capital letters marking the beginning of a new sentence, you need that.
When you mess with structure in writing, you need to understand the structure first, to make it work effectively.
As a rough draft, brainstorming, running on like can be a good way to loosen up. There is a great saying, "great writing is rewriting". I don't know where that came from, but I know what it means. You have something started, now keep working on it.
Peace.
2007-03-15 16:33:49 · answer #2 · answered by Jamie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's sweet, but not well composed I must say... kinda like an elementary kid's poem. If its for leisure and reading for fun then it'd pass in my book but if it's for like a writting assignment project then it needs to have a little bit more structure. Every other line does NOT have to rhyme in order to make for an excellent poem.
2007-03-15 16:24:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its very pretty. I think whomever you were writing about was very special to you and you love and miss them. You can gather alot from it. If this is how you were to describe how you feel right now, I would completely understand your emotions without you saying anything else!
2007-03-15 16:25:28 · answer #4 · answered by punky brewster 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Super, Brit
I think that it would be very consoling to someone who has lost someone close and the perfect sentiment for a eulogy.
2007-03-16 01:01:44 · answer #5 · answered by dougie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is beautiful and totally from the heart. Keep writing!
2007-03-15 16:22:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a very beautiful poem. If you wrote it, you have a gift for poetry.
2007-03-15 16:26:51 · answer #7 · answered by Tony B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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I think it needs a lot of work, really.
A poem written to rhyme generally needs a solid iambic scale.
2007-03-15 16:22:40 · answer #8 · answered by ohmygodapirate 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but, I don't think it flows very well. Good try though.
2007-03-15 16:22:42 · answer #9 · answered by Mark M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really like it. It is Nice
2007-03-15 16:23:57 · answer #10 · answered by Salgoud R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋