Can anyone comment on my play?

Question

Okay. Here's the overview. Their are two feuding families (Sound familiar?). One is Irish, and another is British. But at first, the two families were close. Both the heads of either household were friends and bussiness partners. Then, Mr. Sutherland (the Brit) cheats and withdraws all of the joint stocks and shares of both companies. That's where the feud starts. Now, their children are childhood sweethearts. And because of the feud, they never see each other again. Fast forward 9 years later: Mr. Sutherland's daughter Veronica is already 16, and Mr. Greenhill's son Mark is now 15. Mark is desparate to get into a relationship, so his two friends Henry and James set him up on a date. And the childhood sweethearts reunite. They fall in love in the true sense of the word. But their families disagree to their match. They try to separate the two once more. But Mark and Veronica are determined to be in each other's arms. Mark follows her around the world (where ever she goes), finally, he

returns to Ohio, and so does Veronica, after years of separation. But now, Veronica is brainwashed by her parents, and is now disinterested in Mark. They have a rift, but after that, they realize they still love each other, and they reconcile. But shortly after the reconciliation scene, Mr. Sutherland shows up, intent on killing Mark. When he pulls the trigger, Veronica steps in between, and Veronica dies in her lover's arms. Mark, in despair, grabs Mr. Sutherland's gun and shoots himself. The enormity of what he did shocked him, and the two families reconciled in the end.

Answer 1

It's been done.

Answer 2

I don't think the Brits should be the "bad guys". I don't think anybody should be the "bad guy" - but you have the Brit cheating and stealing - so the Greenhills have an upper hand. Nobody should look better than the other. Both families should just look stupid for feuding - and that way the audience can root for the couple.

So - 9 years later they are 16 and 15? That means as childhood sweethearts they are 7 and 6? It's too young to really be "childhood sweethearts" - I think. PLUS - you'll have to get some little kid actors - and that is always tough to do.

Good work though - and keep going!!

Answer 3

I see that my local CW channel is running ads for a new soapy series called "Saints and Sinners." It claims to be an exciting new storyline--feuding families! War in the streets! They are even using the phrase "star-crossed lovers" in the commercials. Wow, what an original plot!!

I'm teasing you, but really, if you're that into it, I think you should go for it. So it's been done before, so what? It's still a great story. It's a classic because we still relate to it.

My only advice: as all new writers are told, write what you know. Are you English or Irish? Do you know anything about stocks, shares, and the business world? Think about how you can use your enthusiasm to retell this wonderful story in a way only YOU could tell it.

Good luck!

Answer 4

That's pretty much Romeo & Juliet. Doesn't mean you can't write it and bring your own voice to it. I would definitely age the 2 romantic characters a little (early 20's). It will be difficult to expect young stage actors to convey that kind of passion in a tragedy.
You can also make the play more compelling and up to date by having some strong supportive roles (friends for Mark and Veronica, etc.) Also remember all tradegies have some element of comedy. Not only is it human nature, it will keep your audience involved.
Good luck!
WR Garrity
Produced/ published playwright

Answer 5

I think you need to do something about the ending. Maybe you can kill a different character (maybe the parents?). And that could trigger a reaction between the main two character. Like instead of loving each other more..maybe hating each other more. Just try to be more original at the end, because that ending has been there many times.

Answer 6

It's kinda of messy. You need to clean it up a little. Whose life do you follow in the time they are apart? Why did he withdraw the stocks? Think really hard it is a long plot and willl need a lot of work to make it good for stage. Sounds more like a good plot for a short story.

Good Luck hope this helps.
Stay creative. Dont let anyone shoot you down :)

Answer 7

A very good update on the Romeo Juliet theme, maybe they could each have a dog or a pet in the reunion scene and they are kind of drawn together by them and the one dogs name could be Montagu and the other dogs name could be Capulet! OH THE IRONY eh?

Answer 8

The Fantasticks meets Romeo and Juliet?

Answer 9

It sounds really farmiliar... oh yeah. It's not anything new. Really not original. Sorry. I wouldn't see it- not because its a bad idea, but because its basically romeo and juliet.

Answer 10

Hm... sounds a little familiar.