help please...............?

Question

ok, this might the first time i ever talk about this subject ....
i am reallly mad right now, frustrated, my eyes are red coz of my continiuos tears.. and the reason: my husband is still in contact with his ex girlfrined...
i knew she existed coz i saw her name several times on his mobile phone.. and i know he talks to her coz i see his contact history numbers..
i faced him once with an sms he sent her once tellling her that he did love her but everything id finished now..a dn he replied that it is just an old girlfriend and there is nothing between them anymore........
but all i could think of is why till now he is telling this to her? shouldnt this have happened b4 we got married? shouldn,t he have made it clear to her b4 we got married?...
anyway, i got it out of my mind...but then i knew he talked to her behind my back...she sometimes calls when we r together but he turns the moblie off...which is quite frustratting cz if honestly he is not in love with her anymore why not talk with her infront of me?,
and still i ignored all of that till yesterday.......
there was a little party my husband and i had at a restaurant.. there was a lot of ppl invited: friends of him and friends to us..
i was standing with friends when she came saying hi to all of them then turned to me intoducing herself and asking my name.... the second she said her name i knew who she was.....i froze, my friends went red of embarrasment and told her i am the wife...
i dont know why i froze, although a lot of times i told myself that if i ever met her, i will do my best to look natural .. but i just couldnt.... i wanted to kill her at the moment..so i ignored her totally..
then a few minutes later she found my husband and talked to him.. and i saw the look in his eyes... he was happy and at the same time afraid...he starteed searching for me to see i saw him with her....
i wanted to kill them both... she left after 10 minutes....
i dont know why i am sad, why i am feeling that way now i dont even know what they talked about yesterday...
but all i know is that why is he so interested in talking to her so often? why is he telling her everything he is doing... is a sign of cheating? i dont know/............
please somebody help me

oh i forgot to say that we have a one yr old baby

Answer 1

Wow.
Oh dear. He likes the attention she gives him. Likes to feel desired. We all do, but to foster it like this is not good.

Cheating? I don't know. Not necessarily, but this is not appropriate. Maybe he doesn't have the guts to really get rid of her.

In any case, you are perfectly within your right to demand that he behave himself. Unless he has a REAL reason to contact her (child?) there is no reason. He needs to cut it out.

I don't know if this is as serious as you are feeling. Hard to say. But it's important that he deals with it properly.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I could be wrong on this but I am on the guy side of a situation that is possibly comparable to this although not on your level since I have only been seeing my current girlfriend for a little over a year now and we're not married or anything like that.

But I also have an ex who I did love very much. I thought she was the one, the whole nine yards. She was the one who did the dumping and I took it pretty hard. We both did care deeply for each other so we stay in touch, do even today.

I dated two girls afterwards within the next year and a half or so and I ended both of those relationships pretty much because they didn't measure up to my ex and I realized that. My closest friends also realized that, since I didn't have any good reason to end either of those two relationships as quickly as I did.

In any event, I pretty randomly met my current girlfriend and things just got really good. I know I love her and things to this day appear to be going real well. One down note is with my ex girlfriend. Because my ex was a big part of my life she has obviously come up in conversation and she's heard from my friends our history etc. I do still have feelings for my ex in my heart, it is not what it used to be, not even close but its still there. Whenever my ex calls or is around when I'm with my current girlfriend I get a feeling of guilt and I won't answer my phone or I will feel akward if its in person, Its not that I'm cheating or have something specific to feel guilty about, but for I know instantly that my girlfriend is uncomfortable about it and I want to find some way to prove that to her while not betraying a person who also means something to me.

We'll still talk because we are friends and probably always will be. When its discussed with my girlfriend I do like your husband does and keep it short because I suppose its easiest for us to make a complicated situation seem simple? I don't know. What I do know is that the relationship I have with my ex is a friendship and nothing more. My girlfriend is the one who has my heart now, my ex just has some small part of my heart. Sorry this long but hopefully it helps somewhat.

Hopefully things work out. Communication is key remember.

Answer 3

Fight the fear girl, you have done nothing wrong-he did! I'ts time for a showdown. Ask any question you'd like and expect an answer. Demand that the cell phone number be changed. See if he will share with you the things that are making him unhappy with you or did opportunity come along and he is taking advantage of it -because he knows he can take advantage of you..? Too bad..! he's married now and he should not have any dealings with anyone in the past or future that you are not aware of,[and still you have to be cautious],at work or play. Is he just trying to see how much he can get away with to see if you except it ?-where's the RESPECT..?Don't allow any man to walk up and down your back like you're a doormat, to do so only let's him know that you're a pushover and crying and begging is his way back in the door any and every time he is caught. You know deep in your heart if the man is cheating. You have only 2 choices ,Get rid of him or hold on to him, collect and save what you can from his paycheck and wait on him to leave. If you know he's cheating, don't compete with sex-cut off the sex! You don't want an STD or AIDS. Make him get these test done before you resume sex with him:if he does'nt cooperate, maybe he really does'nt think as much of you as you do of him.In other words no since in prolonging the pain while wishing and hopeing. He'd have to tell and" show you"that he is worthy of you.Forget the old "BUNNY", she just has some false and twisted sense of seniority and just wants to see if she can control him and humiliate you. Dry your eyes and get busy then you will know where you stand in this relationship that is suppose to be a marriage.Take care of and love yourself and your children if you have any,move on if you have to.

Answer 4

I am a man and can tell you as long as you are thinking with a jealous filled heart and mind you cant make a smart decision at all. what you must do is just stop worrying about if he was thinking of cheating on you that's not important what is is your sanity if you feel you must worry about him ever second of the day then its time to see a lawyer, because no matter what you say or do he will be ever so strong against your wishes, if he thinks he will get away with anything remind him about American women being the best house keepers in the world, because in the case of most divorces you get to keep the house and the child and he must pay all the expenses and the education and well being of your child. if he doesn't stop messing around and making you crazy kick is sorry *** out and give him time to think about it , but remind him you don't want any used goods so think about it. look for a self help group in your neighbourhood its better than going to jail for shooting a crazy animal.

Answer 5

I am so sorry for you. You have handled this really well
because to see her must have taken all your strength
NOT to confront her at the time.
He may not be cheating, but the simple fact that he is
still in contact with her shows that you ARE being betrayed.
He knows how you feel and he should be reassuring you
and making you see that it is YOU that he loves. Instead
he is flattered that he has got another woman in tow. Give
him an ultimatum. It's her or you.
WHY did she leave after 20 minutes if everything is so
innocent?
You are sad because you know in your heart that he is
betraying you.
I hope and pray that you can get through this. Whatever
you do don't let them make a fool of you. God Bless.

Answer 6

Well, I think he is an out and out pig. Of course he shouldn't be having any contact with this ex. Right. You are emotional about it so you need to find the calm bit inside you and think of your child - scenes are out of the question as they will upset the baby, you and make Mr Husband think he is justified in his bad behaviour. When you are calm, you make it clear to him that he is to have no more to do with her. That's it. If he so much as sniffs in her direction, you tell him you will leave. There is only room for 2 in your marriage. If he is talking to her, then he isn't discussing things with you which means he is involving a third party in what should be a solid relationship. If he refuses, then you will have to reconsider your marriage. If it was you being all pally with an ex, I wonder how he would feel? Now is not the time for revenge or anger though as its grown up time. If he says he will sever all ties with his ex then you must accept that and not mention it again (unless he starts sneaking about in the future). Actually, I think he is a sh.t and would dump him immediately but I am less tolerant than you seem to be. Good luck.

Answer 7

Everyone feels for you. You are feeling let down and betrayed. Even if he's not cheating on you ( and I don't think he is) he is being disloyal. Talk to him, ask him straight out what his feelings are for this person, tell him you feel threatened by his continued contact with her and you want it to stop, no more texts, phone calls, email or meetings, that way you will believe him when he says she means nothing to him. Ask him to see it from your point of view, if it was the other way round would he be happy that you had private conversations with your ex. He probably enjoys the attention he gets but he has a responsibility to make you feel loved and secure in your marriage. You have a right to that much, that's what he promised when he married you. Best of luck.

Answer 8

the signs are there that he is cheating on you, if not physically he certainly is emotionally, how dare he treat you like this, clearly your mutual friends knew enough about the situation to be embarassed by it, and how dare she treat you like this blatantly flaunting it in front of you no wonder you froze, i know what i would have liked to have done to both of them! you are crying because you love him and this has made your confidence slip to an all time low and i understand exactly why you must feel this way, i would ask him to leave, yes that will kill you inside and your heart will feel like it is breaking but at least you can start to heal rather than spend any longer with this eating away at you, if there was nothing to hide and they had just remained friendly then why do this behind your back, why all the secrecy? hun you need to sort this out now the fact that you tell him to go will give him a right shock as he clearly thinks he can treat you like this and you will take it, if it is that he has not cheated then he loves you he will soon be begging for your forgiveness and then you can make steps to put your marriage back on track, if he runs straight to her then although painfull at least you will know now and save a lifetime of misery, my heart goes out to you and please find the strength to sort this out good luck. Emma

Answer 9

Listen to me this husband of yours is having what sounds like a mid life crisis, the only way to show him what your going through is to play him at his own game, by this i mean get one of your friends to pretend that they are your ex and watch him stop what hes doing , the reason i know this works is I've done it, my pardner was doing the exact same thing as yours and i thought right so i got my Friend to phone me when he was home and i acted so surprised when she rang and i said, oh my god how are you and how did you get my number, are you out of the army yet, at this point my partner was nearly exploding, i put my hand over the phone and said " whats wrong with you " .
He wasn't happy at all and needless to say he stopped what he was doing, believe me men don't like it being done on them.
If you don't want to do this then you will have to give him an ultimatum YOU or the bit*h, she is totally out of order and needs a good slapping. Tell him you want him to delete her number out of his phone and you want him to do it in front of you, or better still get a new number.
I truly hope that this helps I wish you the best of luck.
Lots of love Pixie.xxx

Answer 10

Sure, is too close for confort, but honestly, I don't believe that he is cheating. I believe that you are overreacting and that there is nothing that you have to worry about.

Consider the facts:

-He has told her that is over...a long time a go
-He MARRY you.
-Theyve maintained a friendly but rather bussiness like relationship.
-Your husband cannot control that she was at the same restaurant that day
-Your husband is paranoid that you are going to blow up on this even though it was by chance that she was there.
-If they were having something, she wouldn't dare to showed up there.


Being jealous and insecure will not help you. You have to be CONFIDENT and trust your man. Do not cry anymore, if you have no reason to distrust him, then don't.

You can tell him in a CALM , non- accusatory and even funny way, that it makes you FEEL unconfortable that she keeps poping up after all this time. Tell your man that you had put a blind eye on this but this is just too much for comfort .

Tell him that you trust him and that you are NOT accusing him of anything, but that there are limits for tolerance. Tell him that you understand that he cannot control who is in a public place, and that you appretiate the friendlyness and all, but that she needs to respect the fact that you guys are married and steer clear because is innapropiate and rude of her to keep on trying to remain on the map, and unnapropiate of him to keep on entretaining it.

Best of luck sweetie, please stop crying, is not as bad as it seems, honestly,.

Answer 11

Your husband is doing a very wrong thing. He should have cut contact with the ex girfriend a VERY long time ago.

He has no reason now to keep in contact with her expecially her since he has you, his wife.

You need to tell him how upset and angry you are, you need to tell him that he needs to stop talking to her.

He should not do that to and why did she even come to that party, and if your husband invited her than he has some unsolved problems he needs to deal with.

Just stay strong and keep your head up. Dont waste any more tears on that home wrecker. And if you have to...than tell her to leave your husband alone!

Wish you good luck!