My husband is deployed in Iraq and recently we have done nothing but fight over money, life, and preety muc everything... it seems like there is something between us.. i dont want to talk to him and depress him ... ive heard that this is part of the deployment we are trying to push each other away so it doesnt hurt so bad... i just dont know how to react..SOMEONE HELP!
2007-03-15 08:52:38 · 19 answers · asked by bubbles16701 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Being the wife of a Marine I have some advice... Be patient. Often you will become angry and want to start fights, but the reason for that is... It's easier to be mad than to be worried sick. Another thing is... he is probably seeing some terrible things there, and when he talks to you, he just wants to get his feelings out...even if he takes his anger out on you. He is probably scared, and not willing to admit it. Love your husband and don't let little things come between you!
2007-03-15 11:48:42 · answer #1 · answered by Nikki 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This has to be a terribly difficult time for you. Your husband has the support and comraderie of his unit but you're left at home to take care of everything. It's natural then that arguments would take place. It is part of the deployment. What you need is some support from others who are in the same boat. Look into what support services are available at his base for spouses. Also there are some online resources. I have included a link below for one. You'll be ok. This is a strain but you'll get through it. Good luck.
2007-03-15 16:03:14 · answer #2 · answered by eyz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well now is certainly NOT the time to be arguing with him over silly things. There is a very real possibility that he either won't come home, will come home maimed or disfigured or will come home wrapped in a flag. Look, I'm not trying to be harsh (my big brother is over there too) all I'm saying is you handle the things at home and don't worry him with it. Don't allow anything to come between you or push you away. If something happens to him you will hurt regardless, so you might as well help him through things by being a loving and supportive wife. Send him only notices of good things and keep the money issues at home. I know it's hard to do it alone, but you are going to have to. He's got enough on his mind right now. Damn, what's wrong with you? This is your husband! Pray he comes home and have a nice home waiting for him when he does. Good luck.
2007-03-15 16:01:01 · answer #3 · answered by Brandy 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I went through the same thing every time I was deployed. I would fight with my girlfriend or push her away so I could concentrate on my mission and end up losing her in the process. Just try to be there for him. He is going through things that he can never fully explain to anyone who isn't there. It will be tough, but you can do it. When you talk, try to steer the conversation away from anything that you would fight about. If the argument starts, end it quickly and move away from it. You can make it through this. I hope the best for the both of you.
2007-03-15 15:59:55 · answer #4 · answered by fly guy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It certainly sounds that way! Why not agree to work on those issues when he returns. Talk to any creditors and let them know he is deployed (a lot will wait until he returns and are understanding from what I hear). Also, is there anything you can do to help the financial situation while he is away, even a part time job (not only to bring in money, but to keep your mind occupied until he returns). If you continue to argue when you talk on the phone, start sending him cards and make sure they are positive, he has enough going on around him to not have to worry and concentrate on issues going on at home. Remember he is serving his country and so are you! Thanks to you both - him for being in the service and you for supporting his decision. If you need things to occupy your time while he is away, go volunteer at the local hospital, hospice, library or animal shelter. Get a group of other military wives together and go good deeds together in honor of your men who are serving. Good luck and God Bless you both!
2007-03-15 16:00:30 · answer #5 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are here and he's living a dangerous and out of control life right now. I think you can only let him know how much you love him, pray for him and his unit, and try to manage things yourself as much as possible. There must be some kind of support you can receive while he's gone? Not financial, but everyday stuff.
It would be hard for him to hear how you are doing, if you are having problems, and not be able to help. Men have a really hard time dealing with things that they can't 'fix', and even though women like to 'share' I think you need to be selective with what information you give him.
Good luck, and all the best to your husband.
2007-03-15 16:00:47 · answer #6 · answered by laura g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is in a dire situation. His life is on the line. He fears loosing you every day. He has insecurities about his situation once he comes back (pray to God he does). He is uncertain about the economic situation he will have to face when he returns.
You have all the same concerns he does, plus you're a woman, You're more emotional. You're more intuitive. You're more connected to the abstract.
You are trying to push each other away because you don't know how to cope with the pain, worry and strife this is causing both of you.
You need to be closer than ever! You need to comfort and support each other. I was in the war in Viet Nam. I know what it is like, but my wife and I got over it, thank the effort we both put in to make it work.
There are many associations and support groups for combatants (while deployed and upon their return) and for their families. Get on the web and search. You will find many people in the same situation who will be more than willing to give you and your husband the opportunity to get back on track.
God bless him and all my comrades and God bless you and your family for having the stamina to put up with it all!
2007-03-15 16:10:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is Iraq I'm sure he feels bad enough about not being there to help you out. He has alot on his mind right now and family issues only make the men out there more stressed.
Sometimes being a wife mean putting our mans feelings first weather we like it or not. At least that is how I was raised. Try to get a second job for now. If you love him and want things to work out between the two of you then you are going to have to step up because his hands are tied right now.
2007-03-15 15:59:15 · answer #8 · answered by Valentina 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im not going to say I know where you are coming from, beacuse I don't, but I do have two brother's deployed one whom is married and I know how hard it is for them. While your husband is deployed it is going to be very hard for both of you because no one really wants to be thousands of miles away from their spouse, just talk if you have a problem or anything talk just as he should talk to you when he has things on his mind, and believe me he will have alot of things on his mind. The most important thing you can do is just remind him constantly that your there for him and he has your support in everything.
--Good Luck
2007-03-15 15:58:56 · answer #9 · answered by sola07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop fighting, even when money is tight and stress is high fighting just makes situations worse so avoid it. there isnt much he can do from overseas so do the best you can. try sending him boxes with things he can use and add photos of yourself and the house things you know he misses. that way he feels mroe at home. that might ease him a little bit and remind him what he has waiting for him back home. add his favorite candys in his box and on special occasion spice it upo, maybe send him a naughty pic but cut it in half and tell him if he wants the other half he has to work for it. make it intresting
2007-03-15 15:58:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋