I've been friends with a young woman for the last five years. We've never had a romantic relationship, althought I did have those type of feelings for her at one time. She is planning on marrying a man who is never around and always ends up hurting her. She asked me what I thought about, but I didn't have an answer. I know I'm not the only person that is friends with her to think this marrying him is a bad idea. I would like to tell what I think but my hands are tied, I have an ethical dillemia. Because of the feelings that I've had for her, I can not really be objective, I can't look back at it from afar and decided what I think is best and I might accidently sway her in a way that she does want to go in because of emotions. What should I do, should I damn my ethics or just keep my mouth shut.
2007-03-15 07:48:04 · 17 answers · asked by Greg M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I say a true friend would tell her. It's better for you and her to let her know what you see from your point of view. When people are together and in love they tend not to see the little things. Do the two of you have the same friends, maybe another friend see what you do and can tell her. Or you can tell her how you feel and see what happens there....
Best of luck,
L
2007-03-15 07:57:25 · answer #1 · answered by letigutierrez77 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you've been friends for 5 yrs. I would definetly let her know how you feel about her situation.You could save her a lot of grief and heartache down the road.
Why would she want to be with someone who is never around and who hurts her all the time?Good question!!! Maybe it would give her a wakeup call.And......she did ask you what you thought at one point.
You won't be swaying her as it will still be her decision to make.Something for her to think about.
So.......I would damn your ethics and go for it.Don't regret later keeping your mouth shut when you could have helped.
2007-03-15 14:58:24 · answer #2 · answered by sonnyboy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This has nothing to do with your ethics based on how you used to feel; but it does has something to do with the ethics surrounding friendship. I believe you need to be diplomatic by telling her to make a simple list. On one side she needs to list all of the positives related to marrying him. As you already know, the other side needs to be a list of the negatives. This is not a question of how many items populate each side. When she's done, she needs to review what she wrote and based on what she sees; she then needs to make one decision. This is a very important decision. She needs to decide if her life will be better with him or without him. Tell her to be truthful to herself and remind her that looks often fade and love has a way of becoming more like a friendship. She needs to decide if this person would still add value to her life as a friend whose looks have faded.
2007-03-15 14:57:41 · answer #3 · answered by jennyboy1960 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would say you probably already know in your heart what you should do, and it would be better to tell her or at least let your feelings towards this situation be known, with the explanation to back it up as a friend, rather than to regret not telling her for the rest of both your lives. Be a good friend, but do keep in mind that there is a fine line between being a good friend and medaling in her life, just be picky and choosy about your words, and make sure she knows how you couldn't live with yourself as a friend if you let her marry before telling her your concerns. you wouldn't be able to justify not telling her. ya know?
2007-03-15 14:57:36 · answer #4 · answered by Lovely 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She asked you what you thought, so you owe her an answer. Gently point out, and ask her if she's noticed, some of the ways this man hurts her or is not good for her. You don't have to be objective, just kind and clear. She will, of course, make her own decisions in the long run.
2007-03-15 14:57:26 · answer #5 · answered by Wise Advice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could say "I don't think I am the most objective person in this case, but I can still tell you what I think and why (list the issues as you see them). You can also suggest she talk to others who feel the same way as you. In the end as humans we often make stupid choices no matter how many fore-warnings we had, so she will do as she wants anyway. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-03-15 14:55:06 · answer #6 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her I can't be objective because I love you. I don't think anyone is good enough for you. Tell her she has to make the decision on her own and you will back her either way. That is the mature way to handle it.
Then leave a bra in the back of his car so she will find it.
2007-03-15 14:54:03 · answer #7 · answered by toaster4 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can separate the friend feelings from the romantic ones then there is no dliema. Tell her that as your friend you think that it would be a big mistake and your not the only one that feels that way.
2007-03-15 15:10:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your heart...Ask her if she thinks that this marriage is the best thing for her and ask her specifics on her answers. Tell her what you are looking for a woman (describing her to a tee) and how you will treat that woman once you find her. If she sees herself in your description...Ask her which life which life would she prefer to live...with him or with you....JUST MAKE SURE THAT YOU FOLLOW THROUGH ON YOUR DESCRIPTION ON HOW YOU WOULD TREAT HER IF EVER GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY.
2007-03-15 15:01:00 · answer #9 · answered by SCOOTER'S GRANDMA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't matter what you say to her will make her change her mind. Sounds like she's dead set on marrying this guy. She just have to find out the hard way that's all.
2007-03-15 14:57:40 · answer #10 · answered by Leona 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋