My husband and I just had a baby girl (our first) on Feb. 24th. I am trying to fight through the baby blues, but my husband is being very unsupportive and just yells at me and makes me feel guilty everytime I cry. Also, when it comes to our daughter, he acts like it's a chore to spend time with her, and refuses to change her diaper if he thinks it's poopy. Yesterday, when i convinced him to feed her so i could get one load of laundry done, she put her fingers in her mouth as she was eating (she always does this) and he yelled at her to get her fingers out of her mouth! I told him to never yell at her again. (While I was pregnant, he had a bad temper with me at times.) My little girl is only 3 weeks old, and I am 19, and my husband is 21. I just don't know what to do to explain how i am feeling to him. I've tried to talk to him, and show him articles on new parents, but he just seems annoyed when I show him. Any advice would be a big help!!
2007-03-15 07:18:19 · 10 answers · asked by USAFwifeinND 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband is in the Air Force, so we are stationed in North Dakota - Away from our family in Michigan.
He has never hit me, he just will yell. I have sat down with him and tried to tell him how I feel, and he gets real defensive, and when I try to explain the baby blues to him (I have a history of depression, so he knew it was probable that I'd have problems after she was born) he makes me feel so guilty for crying, because he says "I make him feel bad by crying."
2007-03-15 07:47:19 · update #1
Wow this is a house that wasnt ready for the new addition huh? Maybe you can find a support group that specializes in young new parenting. Some of what you outline seems normal to me. Some of it really needs to be worked on. Your hubby has to get you some break time. He has to. Start making a reasonable list of the different ways he could be of more help. Make another list of the things he does that are unacceptable. Then sit down and go over the list when the baby is napping or asleep for the night. This marriage wont survive this if some adjustments arent made.
2007-03-15 07:39:46 · answer #1 · answered by Devdude 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are always more immature than us it sounds like he isn't ready for the responsibility of a child. First of all go to the dr and get help for the baby blues and please please please say that you are using some kind of birth control. Next pick a time to have a serious discussion and sit him down and tell him he needs treatment for his anger. Just because he hasn't hit you yet doesn't mean that he won't those anger problems ALWAYS get worse It sounds like he is also insensitive so if he doesn't respond pack up you and your baby and go stay at your mom's house that way he has time to miss you both and maybe then he will decide that he wants to take an active role as a father
2007-03-15 22:51:11 · answer #2 · answered by texas76 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation and well still am. Its awful I know. My husband is a a** whole too. My son is now 4 months and were still having these problems. Actually I think were in the same boat you and me. I dont understand why they have to do things like that. But me and him are trying to work through things like anger. We go to marriage counceling, He goes to anger management, and later this month hes gonna go see a specialist to see if it is a chemical inbalance or something. But all of that is free to us because hes in the Army. So if you dont have the money to do those things I understand so maybe I can help you so you know how to deal with him. you can send me an e-mail if you would like. But even with all that help we still fight like cats and dogs because of his anger and how he talks to me.
I hope this lets you know your not alone. People like us need to stick together. Im a little younger than you are and my husband is a little older than yours.
2007-03-15 14:47:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
THIS MAN NEEDS A WAKE UP CALL!!!! WHAT DOES HE THINK HE IS TRYING TO SOLVE BY YELLING AT A 3 WEEK OLD! WHAT A TURD! YOU GUYS ARE YOUNG PARENTS, BUT STILL...THERE ARE YOUNG DADS OUT THERE THAT DO NOT YELL AT LITTLE BABIES AND SUPPORT THEIR WIVES! HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE TO WALK DOWN AND DO THE LAUNDRY NOT YOU!! YOU I BET ARE TIRED AS HELL AND NEED PLANTY OF SLEEP AND I BET HE DOES NOT EVEN WAKE UP IN THE MID OF NITE TO FEED HER AND I BET IT IS 100% U THAT DOES...AM I RIGHT?! YEAH I BET I AM!
I JUST HOPE WHEN U SAID HE HAD A TEMPER..THAT HE DOES NOT HIT YOU OR CUSS YOU . IF HE DOES LEAVE HIM FAST AND FILE CHARGES ON HIM. BUT IF HE DOES NOT DO THAT BUT HE STILL IS A JERK TURD, THEN U NEED TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND DEMAND THAT HE HELPS U WITH THE BABY! HE HAD THE PLEASURE OF MAKING THAT BABY WITH U THEN HE HAS 18 YRS TO TAKE CARE OF THAT BABY PERIOD THE END!! HOPE THIS HELPS
2007-03-15 14:39:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you truly think you have the baby blues, which is just a nice way to say post-partum depreseion, get yourself to a doctor quickly; he can help you.
Guys really just aren't into babies, not all of them. He will do more with her when she is older. Girl, you got married awfully young, and you just probably aren't mature enough to handle all of this. Just take things as they come, do your best, and don't rock the boat any further with your relationship with your husband. The two of you owe it to your child to get it together.
2007-03-15 15:28:30 · answer #5 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to see your doctor. If you have a problem getting over this take her some where safe, your mothers, his mom a friend, but take her out of the situation and get yourself to the doctor. Some men dont understand babies, esp if its his first. Did you take the courses offered to new parents? Bring his mom into it, she'll knock sense into him. Good luck and pls pls make sure you keep your senses.
2007-03-15 14:37:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to go back to the dr and tell him about your depression and how much it is affecting your and your baby. He might not realize it but what he is doing is called mental abuse. He doesnt have to hit you to abuse you. I know this from my ex husband. Plus it sounds like he needs to get some angry management help. God bless you on your beautiful baby girl.
2007-03-15 16:16:12 · answer #7 · answered by lz_adam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
congratulations on the new baby...
depression is very common post partum, and sometimes it helps to see your doctor for suggestions. that is my advice about your depressive feelings.
your husband isn't unsupportive; he is abusive.
have you tried to talk to your husband about how you feel? have you asked him to sit down and talk? perhaps if you say "I feel...." and explain how you're feeling.
if he simply refuses to stop yelling and his irrational behavior, perhaps consider taking care of you and your daughter and make other arrangements for your lives.
others have no right to yell at you or the innocent child.
2007-03-15 14:38:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
he thinks at 3 weeks she undertands english? something else is bugging him big time, for now you takeover the baby chores, let him get used to fatherhood gradually, i've been through this at your age, you are better suited to infants than he is, this world puts big guilt trip on dads, then by 3 years they are out of the picture--so be the girl he once knew and loves, dont make big deals out of small things.
2007-03-15 14:41:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
your husband sounds like a real loser.
2013-10-21 15:06:51 · answer #10 · answered by Stefano Angelucci 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋