Are you missing something in your life?

Question

I never see myself as me. A part of me is always extremely careful, very critical of what I say and do. Whenever I talk to someone or meet new people, that part of me is looking at me from across the room. It doesn't allow me to live my life. It defines everything and labels things right and wrong. I never feel like I am actually myself. I feel like I am a reflection of others. My own mind prevents me from being happy. The pessimistic part and the irrational part sometimes takes over. There is always a constant battle. I'm 19 and I don't want to fail college. I'm not getting anything done. My mind doesn't stop.

It has affected my ability to function. My grades!!!

I usually am an extremely hard worker. I got great grades last semester. This semester I'm not in that mind frame anymore. I want to be. There is something wrong.

Family, a painful past, people not understanding.

Answer 1

i dont know
one day ill find it

Answer 2

You're not alone in this...try to find a way to accept that "critical" part of you -- the "Observing Self" is an established phenomenon, especially in Indian Philosophy. Look it up and read about it, it may make you feel better.
Anyway, it's GOOD that you have a "battle" with your pessimistic side, b/c it means you're not allowing that to control you.
And remember, you ARE living your life, even if your observing self criticizes you. Let it criticize you, sometimes it may be right, other times you can listen and just ignore it.
You sound like a fascinating, introspective person...that's a good thing!

Answer 3

I know what you mean. I used to be plagued by looking at life from the outside in. In other words I was always judging and criticizing me based on what I thought others saw about me.

It has taken a LOT of work - focussing on my good qualities rather than my bad - to counteract all the self-flagellation that went on before.

So, go easy on you. Be kind and gentle to you. Speak as nicely to you as you would to a loved child. You ARE a loved child and need to love yourself in that way.

I've been told: "Mind Your Own Business" - in other word, never mind what others are thinking or saying about you. We never truly know what that is anyway. If we can focus instead on what IS our business - doing the next right thing, we will be much happier and more productive.

Answer 4

I think this is a stage. When I started college, I was a pompous a$s b/c everyhting I had done came very easily to me. Then I ran into people much better than me. I studied various religions/philosophies and learned to look at the world in a very different way. Especially through eastern philos.

I went through periods of intense introspection and self-examination. I eventually moved on to a less intense examination as I accepted various parts of myself and what things were worth changing and all that.

So I wouldn't worry too much at your age unless it goes on for like an entire semester and affects your ability to function. Then you might need to see a therapist to see what is blocking you.

I found Zen to be especially helpful w/ what you're talking about. It teaches an acceptance of the world as it is, not as you want it to be. Mainstream Buddhism as well.

Answer 5

a serious question
deserves a serious answer
youre on the outside looking in
you should ask this question in the psychology section
you might get some better answers
i know what you mean
the internal critic
can kill your creativity
you are in a prison of your own mind
your mind is your enemy
one thing i can tell you is
you are not who you think you are
our egos are creations of mind
not the other way around
what this mind is will
pardon the pun
blow your mind
its certainly not something
to be grasped or understood
but it can be experienced
i dont think this journey is going to be short or easy
and i think the answers are inside you
maybe you have to find out
what it is you really want
it may come down to sacrificing your education
to save your soul
i wonder how this happened to you too
have you been trying too hard
maybe you need to play
to have fun

Answer 6

what are you so afraid of, that you monitor and censor yourself so much,,,,, ?? did perhaps you come from a family that did that, or else went the other extreme and didnt pay much attention at all to what they were saying/doing/what people thought?
you need to allow yourself to relax,,, to not worry,,, to know that every now and then someone says or does something that they wished they hadnt,,,,,, allow yourself to be human,,, dont feel you must always say and do the "right " thing,,,,,,,,, as to school,,,,,, set small goals,,,,,, to study,,,,, and stick with it,,,,, you can deal with what you are going threw, changing or analyzing yourself, and still get good grades,,,, perhaps you had things bothering you, and thought college and good grades would solve it,, then when that happened, you realized you still have problems, and need to work on them,,,,,,
talking with a counselor, either at the school or privately, is usually a good idea,,,,,,,,, to help you sort out what you feel,,,,,, and then plan some steps to make changes,,,,, and that is what it takes, identifying the issue, researching possible solutions, then setting a plan to reach your goal,,,,,,,, overcome one thing at a time , maybe a good first goal is to learn not to be so critical of yourself

Answer 7

i think what you need is to go against something you would normally do if you stray away from something scary, go see a scary movie as a precaution if you can't take it, make sure you're near the exit and have a couple friends come with you and make sure to bring a pillow to hug and if the movie's really scary, empty your bladder before you go in, you never know what could happen. i feel that way all the time and yes it does become a nuisance maybe a therapist could help, not that i'm saying you need it, but a wandering mind doesn't help when you need it in one place and focused
i try to put it off and get it all off in writing. just get it all in writing and then when you're not in that state of mind, read over what you wrote and see how you really are. you'll see it in a different light
good luck!!!

Answer 8

You sound like you have an over-analytical, self-critical mind, which is preventing your spontaneity. Your life is reduced to a reaction to people and events around you, rather being pro-active. It sounds like you live in two worlds --- the one inside your head (too much) and the external world, to which you can't fully relate.
You need to quieten your mind. I don't know if Meditation would help, but you might try it.

Answer 9

Be thankful that you can see this at a young age! Your life will not end if you don't finish college.

Nothing is missing. NOTHING IS EVER LOST! When people, or situations, or experiences leave your current awareness, the place they go is back inside of you. Until you choose them again. Like fish jumping out of the ocean...

Answer 10

Its hard not to question yourself and retreat from reality but sometimes you just have to do things you do not want to do. You have to tell yourself 'just do it.' I understand your situation because I'm a slacker as well. Life is hard and doesn't make sense but think of it as a game that you are stuck playing. If you give up you ruin this life and if you just play the game at least no one can say that you didn't try.

Answer 11

Maybe you need to seek professional help. You need to get to the root of your problem. Your Carnal Mind is battling with your God Given Spiritual mind. Talk to your Pastor or Minister if you have someone like that. I know this probably wasn't the answer you wanted..but It's a first step to your mental well being. I will Pray for You.