role play? rough?

Question

Why why what happened between us?
recently me and my best friend had sex
we tried this to fulfil our fantasies. The moment i beg him to lost control (role playing) of himself to "roughen" me up .. everything went haywire.. i felt i was rape/humiliated and fighting for my life never been so scared in my life ..he was totally a different person(like a beast).. i guess it was a major disaster.. and after the whole thing .. i cried and cried partly coz i was bleeding and felt so dirty.. i'm shocked that he even cried too .. i'm not sure if he's really crying ...

does it happen to any of u in any role playing thing.. why is fantasy so much different from reality..

i'm not underage.
we are both in late 20's

Answer 1

My gosh you poor thing. First of all, maybe you and your friend should take a break from each other for a while. You need time to sort things out. I hope it was just a misunderstanding on his part, but if it was painful and traumatic, I think he should have known when to stop. You poor thing. I think sometimes fantasies should be left to your imagination. If you ever decide to act out your fantasies with a different partner, please make it clear what you want and don't want. Please be more careful next time.

Answer 2

That's what happens when you role play. Things do tend to get out of hand if you don't make it as safe as possible. Like having a safe word or checking in. I wouldn't place all the blame on the guy, considering you asked him to play rough and you both had an understanding that this was to fulfill a fantasy. Fantasy is just that a mental concoction that gets through our dry spells. Alot of people have that kind of "rape" fantasy, because they like the fact that they are losing all control. But unfortunately most people have the same reaction as you and get hurt. If I were you, I'd have a long talk with your friend, I'm sure he is sorry and feels just as bad as you do. And last but not least, go talk to someone, a professional, even if it's just your regular doctor. They have to check and make sure you didn't really hurt yourself, also just get it out. They wont be judge mental, they'll be able to help you or lead you in the direction of meeting with someone, so you can figure some stuff out.

Take care, hope this helps.

Answer 3

The lesson you have to take away from this is you need to set ground rules BEFORE the clothes come off. If you're going to ask to be "roughened up" you're opening the door to a wide range of behavior and you just found out how unpleasant that can be.

I'm not into this sort of thing but people who are tell me they discuss in advance what they are and are not willing to have happen and they establish a "safe word" so they can make things stop if they are uncomfortable. For example, if you and your friend agreed that "grapefruit" was the safe word you could have just said "grapefruit" and he would have known to stop right away.

Of course, the safest thing to do is not request any level of violence from a partner - but that's your call.

Answer 4

Fantasies are best left as fantasies because in reality it is never the same. i feel for both of you but next time you want to act out have a safety thing that you do so you can stop what is going on like a word you say to make things stop something. Don't wait for things to get out of control I hope you can get through this and still remain friends

Answer 5

Usually in role playing, the participants have a safety word to use if things get too rough. It sounds like to me that the two of you did not set the ground rules for the scenario and things got out of hand. How was he to know that when you were fighting him it wasn't part of the act? The only way to try to rectify the situation is talk to your friend. Tell him that things went too far. How do you fix it? There is no way. Sometimes bad things happen. In the future, if you choose to role play again, set the ground rules for the game and make sure EVERYONE understands his/her part to play. You can't blame your friend for what happened, it was an accident.

Answer 6

You're supposed to use "safe words" like say "yellow" when it's getting too intense and "red" when you want him to stop! Duh!

This "fulfilling fantasy" stuff is not for babies or amateurs. You need to think stuff out in advance and DISCUSS YOUR BOUNDARIES!!! What did you expect when you said that you wanted him to "roughen" you up?

I don't have your kinds of problems with role playing because I play smart and only with someone I trust well, where we've discussed in detail what we're going to do.

Answer 7

Sweetie... the purpose of role playing is to warm you up for the upcoming event. How are you going to role play with a friend? I don't get that. But I'm sorry about the way it turned out. And if you were bleeding it must have been some hard freaking.

Answer 8

I think what happened is normal.

When you ask someone to lose control, how lost you want them to be? 5% lost, or 100% lost? It differs.

I think you should've been more specific, but the problem with us (girls) is that we feel like we want them to have it rough with us at the beginning, but we don't realize that at some point it will start causing pain to us, then bleeding.

Your friend shouldn't be totally blamed, he only did what you asked for, only more rough than what you wanted. I don't think he meant to hurt you.

You two should just forget about what happen, and control such fantasies.

Answer 9

Your 1st mistake was having sex with your ( i'm sure now ex) best friend! Your 2nd mistake was asking to be "roughed up" he did what you asked. For all you know his big secret fantasy was to do just that! Sounds like the whole thing was a really stupid idea, and i would highly recommend that you don't ever do it again with ANYBODY

Answer 10

im sorry to hear that. you should have set a few rules like a pass word to stop no matter what. but its a little late now. your friendship is now broken whether you know it or not because trust is now broken. you could try talking to him but you will still feel dirty and will pull away if he tries to touch you. in many ways it was rape but in the eyes of the law you verbally asked for it. you obviously were not ready for that. learn from your mistake, try to put it behind you, and if you feel ok about it try to keep him as a friend. unless its your thing i suggest you dont try that again. once again im sorry for you and will pray for you.