My fiance is "Breast Obsessed"!!! Am I being insecure/paranoid? Need some opinions from both men and women.

Question

My fiance is a very much a breast man. He is very respectful about it. He keeps his comments to himself, he doesn't do"porn" (or he keeps it well hidden) and he has a few old (1999-2003) Playboys under the bed. Last night we were watching T.V. and he commented (tastefully) on how much better the woman's cleavage looked tonight than it did the night before because she was wearing a different style of dress. I don't even rememeber WHAT she was wearing the night before let alone what her cleavage looked like. When I asked how my breast measured up, he smiled, gave me the thumbs and said "good". Just "good"? I'm big busted for my size (34D) but I've seen the woman he dated before me and I can't compete. He has always dated "bigger" women because they tend to have bigger breast. The first time he saw me naked he said I have "awesome" breast but that is the only time he's ever commented on them. When we go out, I try to wear clothes that draw his attention, but he never comments.

Why isn't my question showing up?

John K - That's is my question too. I do have some problems with insecurity but I'm working on it.

I walk around naked in front of him all the time. For the most part, I am very comfortable with my body. I just feel like I'm not "measuring" up in the breast department.

r_r_redd - My hips are 37" so I guess I am in proportion.

Answer 1

Is he really obsessed or are you insecure?

Answer 2

Okay I don't want to hear this "I can't help it I'm a guy" crap from guys. Show your woman some respect. Stop staring at other women's t*ts when she's around! Damn!

He was not breastfed as a child according to many developmental psychologists, so he is on a continuous search for the biggest boobs he can find.

So tell him - he's visual but you are verbal. Every time he comments on another woman's boobs, he either has to give you 2 compliments about your nice rack, or shut the f*ck up about other women's boobs becuase it makes you feel crappy when he talks about other women! And if he can't handle that then you are going to start commenting on guys dick sizes, flat bellies, and tight butts. Like he's so friggin' perfect.

Plus tell him he better start telling you he likes your low cut tops or you are going to start wearing a turtleneck 24/7. He is obsessing on what's out *there* instead of enjoying what's right *here*. Plus he objectifies you by just making you another set of boobs he startes at.

He can control it - there will always be a bigger set of boobs coming down the street so tell him either go to the mall by yourself now and then to stare at t*tties or don't do it when I'm around because I want you enjoying me, not other women, buster.

He's got it bad and that's dysfunctional so don't be surprised if he refuses to change.

Answer 3

In all likelyhood, when he was an infant his mother just tossed a bottle in his crib and went back to her soap operas.

The main basis of your complaint seems to be that your fiance is a perfectly normal male.

Throughout my long life I've repeatedly heard otherwise sane women declare, insist, and demand that there's no psychological difference between men and women. Then these same women turn around and complain bitterly when they discover that their spouse doesn't think like they do, not even close. Don't look now darling, but you're about to marry a normal man. Now that he's seen your personal treasures, he will certainly look elsewhere for further stimulation. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, it only means he's a man. The surest way to drive him out of your life is to start complaining about his instinctive male behaviors, which he can't really control anyway.

Answer 4

I don't think you're ready for marriage because you have a difficult time with perspective. You are taking an unimportant thing and making something huge out of it in your mind. How long ago was it that he first saw you naked? It is telling that you STILL remember the exact word that he used! Not only that, YOU are comparing YOURSELF to his exes. He is not comparing you to anyone else in any of the explanation you gave. If you possess such poor self-esteem that you cannot help but compare yourself to other women, then you do not possess enough self-esteem to get married. If you did get married, I'd feel sorry for the guy for all the emotional turmoil you would put him through.

Answer 5

You are reading way to much into his comments.If he doesn't mind commenting on a woman's breast.Then he would have no problem commenting on yours if he had a problem with them.Besides just because he comments on breasts doesn't mean he is obsessed with them.He is just admiring them.If you think about it haven't you ever seen another woman either on t.v. or in person and thought to yourself.Those are nice I wish mine boobs looked like that?I am sure you have and you wouldn't call yourself obsessed would you.You have to let go of your insecurities there will always be someone smarter,prettier,or better built than you.But that doesn't mean they are better then you or that your boyfriend would find them more attractive.So quit comparing yourself to these other woman.After all your are the one whom has him and they don't.So what are you worried about?

Answer 6

Oh man, sometimes I feel like this too. I had a lot of trouble with my fiance about this some time ago. He had always liked women who had big breasts, and so I always felt very insecure about how I looked. He never complimented me, either, which only led to more resentment. Eventually one day I just snapped, and just poured out everything I felt and thought to him. It turned out that he was being sensitive to the fact that in the past I had dated men who were only with me for my body, and that he never wanted to give me that idea about him, so he was too scared to compliment me about physical aspects or how I looked. I would talk to your fiance about how you're feeling. If you don't, you will only become more insecure, which will lead to anger and resentment, and will hurt your relationship. I think that you will feel better if you bring it up, and hopefully once he know how you feel (and once you learn his side of the story), you can both work to fix this problem!! Good luck!!

Answer 7

Women's breasts should be in proportion with the rest of their body. Big hips and small boobs = not proportional. Big boobs and small hips = not proportional too. The upper and lower torso should be in balance.

If you are a 34D, to be proportionate, your hips should be in the 35" to 37" range, plus or minus a little bit. Bigger is not necessarily better.

Answer 8

I would pay no attention to it. Just because if likes big breast doesn't mean that he will go out and find them. He knows that there is more to you then just your breast. He fall in love with all of you not just your breast. Just remember that when you start to feel insecure about yourself. The breast are just a plus.

Answer 9

I think you should ask him what he thinks of your breast. When you are alone open up your blouse and put them in his face while you are asking him what he thinks. Sometimes men need to remember that even though you are married or otherwise committed to a woman, they still need to court us and try to impress us from time to time.

I also married a breast man and because of it I was always self conscious about my breast. I was 20+ years younger and a 36C at the time. My husband would almost drool over some woman with huge boobs, it was embarrassing and it only made me feel worse about myself. The fact now is that all those women who are now hanging down to their knees have husbands who are drooling over me because I can still fit all of mine in a shapely bra that aims in the right direction.

Answer 10

In one sense, it's good that he feels so comfortable in your relationship. It's quite possible that he think you realize that you're the most attractive to him and thinks it's fun to talk about these things with you - sort of the buddy aspect to your relationship (in his mind). You might consider commenting on other men to him. If it doesn't phase him, then that's probably what it is in his mind - fun talk about others with the person he's closest to. Which means he puts you in an entirely different (and far elevated) category than the women he's commenting on.

Answer 11

Any man obsessed over one single body part has issues.....human sexuality encompasses FAR more than the size of a woman's breasts.

This guy has issues. I wouldn't marry him.....just the fact he is commenting on other women like that as well is a red flag to me.......

Besides, the smaller breasted women get to stay perkier and youthful looking longer...believe it!