What would you do if friendship is the only thing that is left in your marriage?

Question

if you were not intimate for 3 years, if you don't share the same sense of humour, if you feel sad looking at kissing couples on streets... if you feel bitter that you are running out of your time and still don't have children..

Answer 1

Wow - I feel like people are skipping right over your "no sex for 3 years" comment and just going on and on about the glorious merits of platonic friendship.

Listen - I want *more* than friendship from my mate. That's why I got married. If I want platonic friendship I'll buy a puppy. It starts at friendship, but my god I can be friends with other people - I don't want to sleep with them or give them a sensual massage or french kiss them! I want intimacy in many forms - talking, snuggling, kissing, hugging, foreplay, and lots of sex. Not having sex is a rejection on a very deep level by the other person. I'm sorry - plenty of women are glad their sexual days are over once they get married but sex is one form of intimacy I can't do without. (Of course if she gets hurt in a wreck, etc. etc. that's different but I mean under normal circumstances.)

When women just dismiss sex out of hand like 'oh no big deal geezus grow up it's just sex we've done it for 14 years what's the big deal' they forget they are rejecting another person and that rejection is a hurtful as an overweight woman being called "fatty" and told to "lose some pounds, lard a s s" by her husband.

A man might stop complaining about sex over the years, but that's only because over the years some woman has ground him down to accept her low sex drive as the lowest common denominator in that area of life. Believe me, every time you throw sex at a normal guy, he'll take it.

So, if platonic friendship is all you have left, and he isn't intimate with you any more, then you had better confront the issue and tell him in no uncertain terms that it's a deal-breaker for you. I just read on WebMD that many people go 15 *years* enduring a sexless marriage before going crazy and doing something. That means they tried but the other person IGNORED THEM for 15 goddamned years.

Confront it and make changes as needed NOW.

Answer 2

I felt that way a few years ago. Now my husband and I have a very strong loving marriage. We forgot some really important things. We weren't communicating about the important things, like about how we were feeling, what we needed out of the relationship and what we could do to change it. We also became intimate again, this was a hard step, but it was a major part of why we were not connecting anymore. Good luck to you. If I was you I would try to figure out were you and your partner went wrong, then see if you are really want to try to fix it. Marriage is very hard work for both people and if both people are not willing to work at it then it can not be fixed properly. You also need to be honest with yourself and your partner about everything and so does your partner. These very intimate not always easy conversations can help you rediscover what it is that you loved about your spouse and also help you reconnect on a different level.

Answer 3

Be Happy that you are friends. Now you can communicate and work on your marriage.
Start with yourself !! You have to really want to grow old with your husband. Put your best foot forward. Be the best wife you can be. Work on the inside of you, and the outside.
If we are sweet,good, compassionate and caring on the inside,that will show in our actions on the outside.
Your husband would have to be dead not to respond to a change in you.
Compliment him on what it is in him that you like. Men need and want attention too.~ Some more than others.
Get him to go to counseling with you.
Perhaps he is not as into sex as you are. My husband wasn't, but I managed.He was dull in a lot of ways, but when I worked at making my marriage as close to my dream of what I expected, It became in time all that I wanted, and today we are wed 54 years and have 5 happily married grown children. It takes work honey. Today people just want to give up so quick on making it work. The challenge is proving your marriage can be one that makes it, and you can be happy as we are. We did have counseling. My husband didn't think he had a problem. WE LAUGH ABOUT THAT TODAY.He had a problem alright~~~~~
I love this man so much and he is so sweet to me.
We are so Blessed.God has been so good.
I wish you happiness.~~~~~~~
Good luck to you and I hope I have helped you~~~~~Jill

Answer 4

Be grateful. A lot of marriages can never claim they had a friendship. Marriages go though cyles like the ocean tides. What feels unbearable one day will feel comfortable and safe the next. To say you have a friendship is a blessing and can be built on. God understands sexual desire and the womans need to feel attractive and wanted. Ask God to spark these interests in your husband and he will. All couples go through periods of falling out of love, and yet when the tide turns and you are still together you are rewarded with great comfort in knowing that you both were committed to the marriage. Do you part to spark his sexual interest and let God do the rest in him. There is no shame in asking for your needs to be met by your husband and by God.
God Bless

Answer 5

Love is friendship on fire.....try to rekindle that fire, before you put it out....friendship is essential, but there are other factors to a marriage...sexual attraction and such...but in your vows you said for better or worse...is it a medical problem that has caused other issues?...maybe a little counseling, or perhaps some alone time if you have children, will be all you need to remind you of what you had....

Answer 6

At least you still have something to work with. Don't give up! Find that love and passion for your spouse that you somehow misplaced. Go to counseling if needed. Remember of how and why you both fell in love at first and go back to that place. Go on a romantic getaway, dates, etc. You both deserve to have a happy and healthy marriage. Good luck!

Answer 7

Have you tried counseling? or talking to your husband?

Depending on whether you want it work, that fact your not killing each other, you have something to rebuild on.
Unless couples put an effort into keeping the relationship fresh, spontaneous, and growing it will die.
Your relationship is like a delicate flower, it needs constant care, love and nurturing, to continue to grow. and thrive.
LIFE is the insect out to kill it, work, bills, kids, lack of time all contribute to the death of a relationship.

Hope this helps

Answer 8

Ahh..coexistence.

I would get marriage counseling and if you are still just friends than divorce. Things will go from bad to worse and already have. You went from passion and romance down to friendship next will be resentment.

Get out if things don't improve.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Some would crave to have friendship with their mate.
If you have strong friendship, there must be strong communication as well. Thus any issue should be solvable.
If not between you both, perhaps a professional counselor could show you both a way to bring intimacy into your friendship.

Answer 10

Feel extremely sad that it came to that and wonder what happened, how I could have prevented it, and decide whether I should stay in the marriage if there is no love.