Unfortunately it probably wont stop. If you havent had the dicipline to tell yourself not to remember those bad memories it will be extremely hard. If you cant forgive and forget it wont work. You need to move on, you will hurt your children and expecially yourself if you put yourself through this. Ask yourself, when your husbad goes of to work maybe with a buddy or whatever, do you always want to wonder if he is with another woman, if he is doing something bad, if his going to hurt you again! Its horrible to live day by day like that. It sucks dont do that to yourself, you deserve so much more. Dont confuse love with pity, sounds like you pity him and its hard for you to let go. Dont, you deserve to be happy regardless of how long it has been. Think about yourself from now on, what do you want, who do you want in your life. Dont settle for less, strive for more. Remember you lived with this for many years and you are still strong, you can let go and live much better...
God Bless...
2007-03-15 06:31:14
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answer #1
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answered by Alex 2
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Try this sweetie, I do not know of any problem between a man and a woman where it was all one persons fault. Would he have cheated if you gave him your all and all as you should have, or did you control everything or refuse to try to give pleasure, or did you just not have the hormones for it. I am not say that this is the case, but you might want to think about it. Also, were you selfish, or self centered? Are you a cold sort of a person, who is insensative to others feelings? Now you don't have to be very cold to cause a lot of resentment. Did you make fun of him in any way, or belittle him during sex or in making household decisions?
Lady, I am not saying you did this, but maybe you should look at things in a different light. Maybe you should accept some of the blame, then it will not be so hard for you to get the heck over it. OK. I don't mean to be cruel dear, just objective. G
2007-03-15 06:55:02
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answer #2
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answered by hog rock 3
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I would suggest talking to a counselor or a minister. You also need to look at what all you did wrong in your marriage. Have you been able to forgive yourself for those things? (Nobody is perfect. Even if he cheated and lied, you still were not perfect). If you can forgive yourself, it will make it easier to forgive him also.
Is the problem that you hate him or that you're hating yourself because you might still love him? It's very hard to get your heart and head around the fact that someone you love has hurt you.
Perhaps him being in trouble with the law is a good thing. This maybe rock bottom for him. Perhaps he'll now be able to look at his life and figure out what he's done wrong for so long. If he repents, are you willing to start again? Granted it will take time to trust but, it might be worth it.
2007-03-15 06:29:25
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answer #3
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answered by penhead72 5
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That voice reminding you of all the things he has done to you is your subconscious telling you what you need to do. You know what you need to do. I think that maybe for your kids' sakes or just out of love for him, you're scared to leave. Unfortunately, this happens a lot, and the women who stick around with abusive husbands end up in worse shape than ever before. He is abusive, even if he's not hitting you. It's emotional abuse, and you nor your kids deserve it. If he wanted to change, he would try to change. He won't change, though. You lost your trust for him a long time ago, and most likely, that trust will never be regained. The best thing for you to do is to take your kids and get out of there before more problems occur. You know what you need to do, I hope you do it.
2007-03-15 06:27:43
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answer #4
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answered by blue_cow27 4
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the voice you hear is you,you cant let it go because you know it has never stopped.you cant believe him he has never changed.so you have all this rage built up inside you all the time.and counseling will help for alittle bit. and you will always remember what happen in your relationship, now you can use this later as your experience, forgiving is the hard part- but to stop all of what you are having trouble with now forgiveness is what you need. not from him or any one else but for you! you need to forgive yourself for everything that you saw,did, didn't do,kids, stayed, left, you get it anything and everything write it down on a piece of paper i your name forgive myself for then have at it spill your guts it might be hard at first but not long you'll be writting so fast on so many pieces of papers.add peoples names add the date you did it on then say you let it all go on that date over & over until you feel better ripe it up throw it away.forgive yourself youl feel better i hope it helps it helped me and a few others. good luck
2007-03-15 06:45:43
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answer #5
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answered by sassy 3
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first of all i'd like to say i'm sorry for what you have put yourself through for 22 years.
if you stuck with your husband through all of the cheating, you have apparently been enabling him to do so.
you felt pain when your husband started his cheating and lies... he continued to do it, and you continued to tolerate his actions... therefore, you have been the one putting yourself through pain.
counseling fails when the person who seeks help doesn't really WANT help... but would rather live with the pain than face it.
therapy can be emotionally taxing and it's very hard work... it normally takes more than a few sessions to see any progress.
you will find success when you want to change the way you live YOUR life....
after 22 years, do you really expect your husband to change?
Your pain is not going to stop until you put on the brakes.
take care of YOU.
2007-03-15 06:31:35
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answer #6
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answered by Anonymous
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Let him go. Men like that will never change trust me..
It took my mom 25 years to finally leave my dad after all that BS and she is completely happy. So, be a strong women and get rid of his ***. Don't spend your whole life miserable! Please...
Just let go... It's the best thing... otherwise you will be angry. You need to take time for yourself and kids and worry only about that. Not your sorry *** husband.
2007-03-15 06:26:17
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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Stop think about your husband for just a few minutes and think of somthing you would do if you weren't with him. Then think of steps towards acheiving that goal. When your life doesn't revolve around the past, it won't bother you as much. Good luck.
2007-03-15 06:26:01
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answer #8
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answered by nursesr4evr 7
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What do you want us to tell you. You seem to like all this drama or you wouldnt have stayed in tis typie of relationship for so long.
The only people I feel for in this situation is your kids. What are they learning, women are not valued and can be treated anyway they want and men are unfaihful criminals.
You get the gold star for bad parenting.
2007-03-15 06:24:46
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answer #9
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answered by CHELLE BELLE 5
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it's not going to go away unless you actually do something about it. don't just sit there and be misreable...DO SOMETHING. write it down, talk to someone...or more importantly...get counseling. and get a divorce. if you are THAT misreable...what's keeping you from doing it? those memories are there to help you learn what to do (and what not to do). so they are not going away. the only option that is left is for you to do something. and please...don't stay with him for the sake of the children. that's the biggest cop out. if you are unhappy and you want to leave...divorce.
2007-03-15 07:27:40
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answer #10
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answered by cfalways 5
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