I want to leave my husband. I have left twice and gone back to him. I feel bad for leaving him. Although he's verbally abusive and utterly disrespectful. I want to leave him again, this time for good. I somehow need to find the strength. Can anyone give me advice? I know that I will be better off away from him, but it's still hard. I don't want to see anyone suffer. I know that leaving him hurts him, but I can't take his abuse and he will get no help. He's also irrational and will not discuss things with me. If I sat him down and said, "this isn't working" he would call me stupid and crazy and try to convince me that i'll never find a guy as good as him. It's so hard.. please help.
2007-03-15 06:15:04 · 11 answers · asked by ik ben alphabetsoup 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let me see if I have this straight. You say you "don't want to see him suffer," but he doesn't mind making you suffer with his verbal abuse. Right? Face facts, he's controlling and manipulative and it's only a matter of time before his verbal abuse becomes physical abuse.
I think you have to look inside yourself and ask why you can't sever ties with a man who treats you like crap. It shouldn't be that hard to turn your back and walk away, especially a man who CLEARLY thinks so little of you that he tells you you're stupid when you say it isn't working. He only proves your point for you.
If you don't leave him, you will waste years with this angry miserable SOB and you will regret it for the rest of your life.
As for finding another guy as "good" as him, hell, I think you can trip over one.
2007-03-15 06:39:26 · answer #1 · answered by wineboy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem pretty clear on what you should do - leaving him. There's little doubt about that. However, you seem to find it painful to leave and get on with your life. First, that's a very natural, reasonable challenge that you're facing right now.
First off, it's your mindset. You'll have to be certain in your mind that while marriage calls for mutual compromises, it is about staying true and holding on to one's identity and character. You have to be selfish darling. You'll have to think for yourself.
In your own interests, you'll be better off establishing something for yourself. You'll be able to breathe better knowing you live only once and you're doing whatever it takes to make the best out of that life.
You want to be loved for who you are. You deserve the respect as a person. And anyone that is worth sharing your life with has to learn to "value" you. That's the least you should expect from a relationship. Anything short of that, you're making an emotional compromise and that's obviously not the right thing to do.
First love yourself. Respect yourself. And be a bit selfish looking out for yourself. Because if you don't no one else will. Everytime you feel hurt and want to return to him, remind yourself the trauma and suffering you've been through.
And once you've gotten out of it, to help you stay true to your action, make sure you begin working on other things that matter to you. A career, making friends, reestablishing your relationships with your loved ones, a hobby or a passion, etc. Those things will keep your mind and body occupied to focus on what's right for you.
But the first step darling is to search deep inside you and figure what you want to do, and how you'd want to live YOUR life :-) Good luck.
2007-03-15 06:31:02 · answer #2 · answered by this_big_one_is_4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"If I sat him down and said, "this isn't working" he would call me stupid and crazy and try to convince me that i'll never find a guy as good as him. It's so hard.. please help."
That just isn't right. It's an attempt at manipulation, and it looks like it has worked so far. If you can't work through the situation, and he won't seek help, then there is only thing left for you to do.
2007-03-15 06:33:46 · answer #3 · answered by x2000 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get some support. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or find a therapist. It's hard to make and follow through with decisions like this when you are isolated. It helps to get external perspective on the situation - when you're in the middle of it, your judgement is skewed big time.
Don't let him trick you into feeling guilty. Yes, you might cause him pain by leaving - but he made his choice, and you made yours. You can't possibly be held responsible for the choices of another grown adult. Your #1 responsibility is to yourself - you have to protect yourself from harm and abuse. He will get over it - everyone does; he's a big boy, he can take care of himself - don't feel like you are obligated to sacrifice your own well-being to protect him from harm. In this situation, you need to take care of yourself first. Good luck.
2007-03-15 06:29:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will need a good friend to make this work. First get someone you can trust to recruit an attractive woman to seduce your husband. Set it up so your friend is in the vicinity when the affair happens. Get some evidence and bring it a judge to give yourself reasonable grounds for a divorce. That will leave you free and clear with almost no evidence of coercion. If he really abused you then he deserves this.
2007-03-15 07:07:49 · answer #5 · answered by "the Otter" 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Establish a new place. Get all the utilities hook up. Schedule a moving truck. Get some friends to help. When he goes to work take your stuff and move. The same day serve him with separation papers at work
2007-03-15 06:32:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
let's keep this simple. you want to leave but you don't want anyone to suffer? if you chose to stay and or go back to him...YOU will be the one to suffer. if you leave...then he will be the one to suffer. but that's what he gets for treating you like crap. you need to try and let go of being considerate for others in regards to them 'hurting.' and you need to start looking out for yourself. before you find yourself in the emergency room. you need to get a support system for yourself and begin by telling your trusted friends and trusted family. i say trusted because not all family members are trust worthy. and just because they are family doesn't give them any right to treat their fellow family members like crap. you can start with the website below since i don't know what state you live in or if you even live in the states. you need to stop being so caring about someone that doesn't love you. love is not supposed to hurt. not only does he need help but you need it to. what are you waiting for? contact the website below and start the process towards a new live for yourself.
2007-03-15 07:36:03 · answer #7 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Control freak-walk away,course you'll find someone nice and normal,and enjoy life,not live under a cloud like that,leave him to harass someone else and move on,lifes too short to be unhappy,good luck
2007-03-15 06:20:48 · answer #8 · answered by NATALIE W 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh come on GROW UP! u r living in denial! ur got the strenght jus tat u dunno wen to start doing it! I say ASAP! dun be insulted and abuse by sum1 who doesnt even cherish ur touts or by nature U! i can tell u tat such guy r like tat as they think theyre e gr8est and no one can exceed to em! so u mus help him break tis illusion and make him wake up and u, to move on.Imbeggin u..plz leave him..there is no pt at all.!!! if u nd strenght seek aid from families and frens!
2007-03-15 06:33:03 · answer #9 · answered by aw_farid 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is wrong with you that you dont think you deserve to be treated better than this? Get a spine and move on with your lfe. Its only hard because you dont love yourself.
2007-03-15 06:22:08 · answer #10 · answered by CHELLE BELLE 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋