My boyfriend has asked me to marry him.. which is great. but he doesn't want to get married until he's 32!
I'm already 32 and will be 36 going on 37 by the time he gets to 32..
I don't want to pressurise him and I don't want to get married tomorrow but I don't want to wait another 4 years either.
Do I tell him?
I have asked why 4 years and he said to make sure we are settled!
2007-03-15 05:59:44 · 42 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We've been together 2 years and yes we would like children.
2007-03-15 06:15:47 · update #1
Why buy the cow when the milk is free?
2007-03-15 06:07:41 · answer #1 · answered by uisignorant 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He feels its going to take 4 yrs to get settled???
How long have you been together already? I'd counter-offer him and say "How 'bout 2 yrs?" That way you split the difference and come to some type of compromise. A long engagement can sometimes be sabotage...I was engaged for 6 yrs and I called the wedding off 2 months before the date. 4 years is a long time to be engaged, especially since you are already 32 now. I don't know if you plan on starting a family, but I'd want to be a few years younger to have kids.
Just a suggestion!
Good luck!
2007-03-15 06:06:40 · answer #2 · answered by ♥♥Mrs SSG B♥♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've set a 4 year waiting period too and I'm glad I did. The engagement broke off after a year and a half. A lot of things could happen in those 4 years and geting married is a BIG step so you want to make sure you make the right decision. Why are you in a rush to get married? Why don't you want to wait?
2007-03-15 06:04:13 · answer #3 · answered by t1riel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is waiting to see if he can find anyone ' better' and has set himself 4 years to see - then if not he will settle with you. A similar thing happened to my best friend and she ended up dumped for a younger model at 37, totally devastated facing a childless future.
If he loves you and says wants to marry you he should appreciate that your body clock can't wait another four years for him to be in a position to comit.
I would call his bluff and give him an ultimatum. Or broach the subject of having kids before getting married - from the sound of it he will try and talk his way out of that one too.
I know love can be blind but don't let him make a mug of you.
Good luck.
2007-03-15 09:49:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say how long you have been together but I would think you have to say to him yes, but you would like it to be a bit sooner than that, maybe in two years? Presumably you were not planning to leave him if he hadn't asked you to marry him and you would have carried on the relationship as partners. Will you leave him if he doesn't want to marry you until he's 32? All the very best with whatever you both decide.
2007-03-15 06:08:14 · answer #5 · answered by JENNIFER 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me, getting engaged means that both are ready and want to get married- that this decision for marriage has been made 100%. You don't get engaged and then wait for things to settle or see how things move along. You stay boyfriend/girlfriend for that. Once you have decided for sure that you want to make the commitment of getting married, then you get engaged. So he should wait until he is 100% sure before asking. If he knows that you want to get married, but he is unsure, he may be playing the long engagement card just to appease you.
Good Luck.
2007-03-15 06:13:32 · answer #6 · answered by Just Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for 12 years now...and you never get to settled--I think that comes when you retire. If you want children it is better to have them before 35--ask any doctor. Not that older women can not have children I had my first son at 36--but I am only having one now. You need to talk to him and tell him your concerns--That is the best way to start a marriage with lots of communication--and keep it up....Good Luck to you and congrats on the engagement.
2007-03-15 06:30:57 · answer #7 · answered by eeyoree rocks2003 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I totaly understand where your coming from here, I think you should tell him that he has to remember you are a bit older than him. You dont want to wait untill your that much older before you get married. Tell him you love him now and a few more years isnt going to change that. The other thing, personaly speaking I want to be married before I have kids, if your in the same boat, you will be leaving it a bit late, of course you can still have kids when your older, but it will be easier on you to have then early. If you explain that it may make him think again. Good luck
2007-03-15 06:12:30 · answer #8 · answered by Scottish Girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he has a point but 4 years is a long time to be 'settled'..let him know that that's a lil longer down the time scale than you're looking for. Alot of couples break up cuz the chick wants to get married and the dude doesn't. it's normal. if he wants you, he'll marry you. but do you want to marry someone that you have to give an ultimatum too?
2007-03-15 06:04:35 · answer #9 · answered by cyn d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry I am not a girl, but sounds like me when I got engaged. I said long engagement about five years. We got married 3 years later. As a guy it's not commitment were scared but we don't like to be to eager. After two years we started planning the wedding and married the year after. I would ignore the five year thing it will just happen if it's meant. Wish you and your partner all the best.
2007-03-15 13:10:36 · answer #10 · answered by JimmyH 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't mention how long you've been dating. But 4 years....
If you guys ain't settled in 1 to 2 years, you ain't gonna be in 4 years. When the 4 years comes what are ya gonna do if he says he needs more time? You might be missing your "Mr. Right" while you wait 4 years.
2007-03-15 06:17:41 · answer #11 · answered by marisia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋