Leaving my wife...have questions.?

Question

My wife and I have been growing apart for about a year now, our fights have become bitter, hateful and almost to the point of physical. Not good. There were alot of plus sides to our marriage but some minuses that cannot be overlooked by me.
I told her that I was thinking of divorcing a few weeks ago and she has been fighting to keep me here ever since. I told her that I will try to work it out, but really, I'm tired and if a marriage is "work" and blah, blah, blah...then I don't want it. I don't think a solid relationship (or one that is worth "working" for) should be this much work. No-one can convince me otherwise so save it. We don't have kids, we don't have a house, everything we have ever purchased together is paid off...with the exception to one thing, my car. Technically, her car as it is in her name (and the loan as well).

She has told me that I can keep the apartment and my car and she can have our savings to help her pay for a new place....

and help her get some furniture for whatever she doesn't want from our apartment. I told her she could keep whatever she wants...I just want MY stuff and a TV, that will be fine.

What do I do about the car? She said I can have it and there is still quite alot to pay off (which I can afford)...do I re-finance to have her name removed from the auto loan and ownership? What is gonna happen here?

Unfortunately, the worst of it is I don't hate her. I'm just not in love with her anymore and I've grown tired of our discussions to work it out. We haven't officially done anything yet, I haven't moved out yet so she can look for a new place. I want to leave...and I'm pretty sure I will be doing that within a couple days. I feel bad cause she wants to work at it so bad...I feel worse because I don't.

question is right there...it's about the car.

To mamai_94:

You are a ******* idiot. I am not controlling at all, this is actually the first time I've ever broken up with anyone. In the past, I have taken a ridiculous amount of **** from girlfriends and still would give them the shirt off my back. You don't know me, so don't assume...moron. Answer the ******* question and leave your Dr. Phil pseudo-psychoanalysis to yourself. Thanks...for nothing.

Linda D: You have no idea who I am...I don't think even my ex would tell me that I am not a "real man," trust me. Cliche ******* nonsense. Go back to watching MTV and turning up the volume on all the cutesy little pop songs.

Answer 1

And your question is???

Answer 2

Whats the question?

First sorry your relationship is failing but when times comes that one person is so bitter that their skin crawls at sight of their lover/partner it's time to separate. It's wonderful you both never had children know worries over custody battles or screwing up their little lives. When you do leave her your going to feel so good to breathe..

She will too after the storm has past....

After while maybe year or so this relationship can become best friends, two people that learn to profoundly understand each other and then have each others back. No reason marriage should turn into hateful divorce. Always someone feel they put more into it then the other.

Your personal belonging is a hard one and the only reason its going to be hard because somebody want leverage to hurt the other person and the 'need tool' to hang on. Cut your losses for freedom and move on.

Good luck.

Advice to all:
Always have one joint household account and your personal account this way going forward isn't a problem.

Answer 3

Seems like you left information out, what are you even fighting about?? What have you been doing? Seems to me like you are running away because of something that you did and you have already decided to move on. Maybe next time you should think about it more that once, before you get married. the good thing here is that there are no children involved, but you know what there is another heart besides yours that is hurting. If you want to end this marriege you should be a little more compasionate towards this woman. Divorce is not easy, it hurts and its extremely painful, like a death. Make sure this is what you want to do. Think about it. You can only find the answer within yourself not what you want to hear from other people...

Answer 4

50% of marriages end in Divorce. It sucks, and it hurts, and you will always have doubts, but sometimes you just have to start over. You are very lucky that you have no kids and no major assets.

My rule of thumb is that relationships require work, but if you are not happy at least 50% of the time (I really believe that 75% is a better number, but 50% at the absolute minimum), then the relationship is not worth saving. Keep a log of each day. Record fun days, sex, great conversations, as well as fights, arguments, etc. Give each day an overall thumbs up or thumbs down rating. If you are finding yourself unhappy more than half of the time, then you need to get out. Kids and houses only make it worse.

Next time, slow down and take your time. Make sure you are happy closer to 85-90% with someone BEFORE you decide to marry them. It ALWAYS gets harder when you are married.

Answer 5

If you're not willing to work on your marriage you are far too immature to have gotten married in the first place. You're being much too selfish here.

All married couples fight. If you have something you believe in, it's worth fighting for. And your marriage is worth fighting for.

Why not seek some marital counseling with a therapist or a minister before you throw in the towel? You'd be surprised how great a marriage can be if the two of you can learn to communicate better.

Answer 6

I HAVE A QUESTION!!! Are most of the fights you two have due to the FACT that you are a self-righteous control freak who has to always be RIGHT? I'll bet the "misuses" you can't overlook are things she does or doesn't do without your written approval. Instead of choosing the things that "can't be overlooked" to base your decision to leave on, you COULD have chosen the PLUS SIDES as reason to stay! That tells me plenty about what is important to you. The thing you haven't realized, is that you are VERY stubborn and LAZY!!!! Nah, it's much easier to see the negative, ignore the positive, and INSIST your view is THE only one that matters. I don't know what planet you are from, but it is a FACT that ANY relationship takes work!!!!!! The truth is, you are leaving because the "work" needed to save the marriage no doubt involves things YOU NEED TO CHANGE!!! Your wife doesn't know it yet, but she is MUCH better off without you!!!

Answer 7

Didn't you make a commitment to your wife? She is trying to save your marriage. You need to try to work on it unless of course you are cheating and if that is the case, then you be honest and admit it so she can find someone better. The good part of this is there aren't kids that will suffer with the divorce.

Answer 8

If you are not willing to work at marriage don't get married. Marriage is a commitment. It is as vow. If you are not a person who takes his commitments seriously, in short if you have no integrity and ability to keep promises, do not even think about getting remarried. No marriage survives without work.

Answer 9

Yes re-finance the car, otherwise if you miss a payment than her credit will be affected. And also, since you don't want to be with her, remove every trace of her to begin with.

Answer 10

If you have made up your mind and are not open to suggestions why did you post this. Does you inner person want to be talked out of it? Every marriage calls for work!

Answer 11

ok ....do you love her at all is THIS why you are struggling so hard? i know how you feel i am going through a divorce maybe lol right now too if i ever get the guts to do so myself!! i love him but he hurts me in so many ways!! if you want you can write back and chat !! [e-mail] i'd LOVE to tell you MY story!! lol!! and maybe that will help you make your mind up???!!!???