Does my husband love me?

Question

hi, i know this sounds silly and i should know this but....we've known eachother 12 years, married 7, have 2 kids, he works full time I'm a stay at home mom (for now) and I feel disconnected. He doesn't help around the house, doesn't clean toilets , doesn't do homework with the kids, doesn't play with them on weekends (more like babysits only), ALWAYS wakes up late, NEVER brings me breakfast (happens once a year). I know as a fact he loves his children to death and loves me as a good mom but I wish he would help more and even if he didn't help at all, i would probably be less resentful if he was always happy (like when i first met him) but he comes home after the kids are sleeping and it doesn't bother him that he doesn't see them. I feel lonely ALL of the time and he doesn't notice or doesn't care. Out of the blue he'll say very expressively how much he loves me and can't wait to go on vacation with the family and sometimes i feel like I'm just expecting too much. Thanks 4 listni

evilgenius- thanks, that answer actually felt good

Answer 1

Sure he loves you. So what if he doesn't clean the toilets, he has a job as the sole financial provider for the family. You are a stay at home mom and if the kids have homework they are obviously in school, so you should have some free time to get the house work done in the early mornings and the afternoons to yourself. Men aren't overly, I'm going to use the word i use with my husband, child friendly. Esp when they are small, think about it they are load full of energy and never stop asking questions, men don't have the patience for that like women do. I know you feel all alone, but he loves you. Get yourself a cell and send him texts during the day or evening, will break up the monotony of the kids and aloneness. I wish you the best of luck, Keep smiling..works better than nagging...

Answer 2

I understand both sides
As a father, being the sole bread winner, will take it's toll on you
As the guy who cooks,cleans,laundry, groceries, I also understand how you feel.
I love my wife to death, and she does work, but for a long time I did the "chores" by myself, and yes you do get a lil resentful. My biggest problem was no one will turn their clothes right side out. I'm a big guy with bear paws while doing laundry I have to fix her clothes, bugs the hell outta me.
But it my fault, I went against what I've always said, don't start something your not going to follow through with. I don't think it that he doesn't care, thus the comment about vacation. So he probably does care and miss spending time you and the kids. But if he's the only one juggling the money ball, with gas, and everything else going up, everthing but our wages. He has to figure it all out.
I know and my kids are 16,17 20,25 the younger ones are still home. by the time the weekend gets here, your exhausted and barely get your battery recharged before it's time to go to work again.
And I would never undermind what you also. Because again I'm doing the majority of the chores and yes my wife knows she's got it good.
I would suggest you do the following. Set down with your husband after the kids go to sleep. And come to an agreement, that at least twice a month, the kids go to a sitter, and if possible spend the night. and you get reaquianted with each other.

Hope this helps

Answer 3

How do you know that it doesn't bother him? Are you making assumptions or did you actually talk to him?

Maybe he's just getting overworked. It's a normal thing for men and/or women who get overworked to start acting like this.

You should have a serious conversation with him about it, and maybe consider marriage counseling if it does not improve. You're supposed to be open & communicate within your marriage. Lack of communication leads to many problems.

Maybe ease up on him a little.... He works a full week to provide for his family which he obviously loves(or else he wouldn't be doing it, right?) He comes home late & he's probably tired. Cut him some slack. Now, don't just think i'm saying this because he's a man ..... If the roles were reversed & you were the one working late nights I would tell your husband to cut you some slack too. I mean, what's more important..... having a spotless house, or having the money to pay to live in that house? While having a clean house is important you shouldn't nit pick him about cleaning things up when he's working hard to provide for you all.

Marriage isn't a one way street. If you're going to have expectations they should be fair & balanced expectations. You can't really expect him to be energetic if he's working hard to provide for the family.

You need to really talk to him because there may be some underlying problem that you do not know about that needs to be addressed.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 4

No, I dont think that you expect too much. I understand what you are trying to say, You know I was married for almost 4 years and I felt disconnected and I really never told him my feelings. When I did they were in a form of yelling, being angry, frustrated, crying alot of emotions at once. We unfortunately never got back the love, we didnt try hard enough. So we ended up getting divorced, but I felt the same way you did. I guess my advice to you is to talk to him, just let him know that you would like to spend some quality time with him. Even if its 5-10min, I know he loves you, it sounds like you have a great family, but again I know your feelings, and as women sometimes we choose the worst way of expressing them. Just relax, take a deep breath and when he comes from work let him know that you would like to talk to him. Start by reasurring that you love him alot, tell him how you feel, everything that you wrote on here. Both of you together can come up with a much better answer and solution to this little dilemma than anybody else can give you. I do wish you the best of luck, and May God keep blessing your family... :-)

Answer 5

If your home all the time and never have to work then I think you should be able to hold down the home duties. You'd surprised at the women that have to work all day , come home clean, cook and the whole thing is suppose to, as the some husbands think their job.

Men are different than women in showing their love for the children, you know he loves you and the kids even though he doesn't show it like you do. If you find yourself lonely get you a part time job to fill your needs. My opinion is you have it made a husband loves you and the kids , some women would give their all to be in your shoes.

Answer 6

You need to ask him. Communication is the key. If he works and you stay at home, he probably thinks all the housework is your job and doesn't think he has to do it. But really what you are missing is being close to him. If you had a close relationship you wouldn't mind doing all of the housework. You really need to talk about your relationship, and do not argue. Be honest with each other. It sounds like he is overwhelmed. He works all day, is worried about paying the bills and taking care of you and the kids. He is probably freaking out with responsibility--and then on top of it you want him to take out the trash. I'm all for equal relationships--but you really need to talk and see what his take is on your relationship, and then you can tell him how you feel. It takes a lot of work and compromise to have a good relationship, but talking is the key. If he won't talk to you--seek counseling. Chances are if you are lonely-- he is too. You both need emotional support from each other. Forget the housework, but make time for you all to to do things with the kids, and then also alone together. I think he loves you, and he is looking forward to vacation-because that is where he can forget all of the everyday stress-- but you can help him be less stressed by talking to him, and helping him through his issues at home. In turn, he'll want to help make you happy too. But don't force it on him, or it will be just one more thing that stresses him out. Support him emotionally and he will want to do that for you. Take some time out to be alone at least once a week, and really talk.

Answer 7

I'm sure he loves you, it just sounds like he's under pressure from work - maybe worried about paying for kids' college, retirement, keeping his job, or the bills.
As to cleaning the toilets, I don't know how the arrangement began, but if he's working and you're not, I don't think it's unfair to expect you to keep the home. Switch places for a moment and think about it. You probably ought to be bringing HIM breakfast. And working so much, he needs some time that he's no obligated to do anything - something just for himself. It seems cruel but it's not, suppose you were told you HAD to spend time with someone after working all dang day. That you HAD to - that would become grating very soon. Be there for him, talk to him about it on a weekend, like a Sunday afternoon AFTER not bothering him so he can unwind. You'll be surprised at the results you'll get.
I hope I didn't come across as chauvenist, but if you want the truth - there it is.

Answer 8

Have you tried talking to h im? I was a stay at home mom for years and felt this way. First of all let him know, but do not be confrontational, just talk to him. Second, maybe you need to find ways to get out of the house, make some firends with other moms. If you children are school age try volunteering at the schools. If they are younger go to storytime at the library and take advantage of mother day out programs. As mothers adn wives we tend to give so much to others and disregard our needs.

Answer 9

This is joke right? So your husband works full-time, shoulders the burden of all financial responsibilities. You do not work at an external job, and take care of the kids and the household. The priceless part is that you are complaining about him not bringing you breakfast. He's probably in a living hell once he gets home too, and listens to all your complaining.

Does he love you? You bet he must if he puts up with all that.

Answer 10

I feel this way too from time to time and I think it is completely normal. I stay at home with my toddler and get upset sometimes when hubby comes in from work and I want and need adult conversation and he acts like I am pulling his eye teeth. First of all, he obviously loves you to show the love emotions and talk about taking the family vacation. I thik he does feel like he is missing out on the kids, but here is the difference between men and women. As women we would be noticeably upset about it, while men tend to just not think about it all and go about their daily lives. Does he care about your children and you? Of course, he, I am sure, has his moments where his heart feels like it is breaking, but he then has his macho man voice tell him to be strong that men dont feel this way and he just presses on. Whatever you do, if this is something that you need to discuss with him, DO NOT let it go on and on b/c it will build up and become worse and worse until you explode about it out of nowhere and it causes worse problems.