Our baby is 2weeks old, my husband works I go to school but I don't work. I stay up all night with the baby all week since he goes to work in morning, but he doesn't help when he gets home with the baby or cleaning cooking, laundry, but he asks me if I don't clean the house or do the laundary why I didn't do it. He helps me only on weekend stay up with baby one night and may be make me breakfast and he complains about the one night he stays up with baby, so I even tell him I will take care of him that night since I don't want hear him complain. Is every husband like that or just mine? What can I do to change him? I really want this to work.
2007-03-15 05:20:23 · 22 answers · asked by Leyla 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The guy who does all the work for his wife and walks the dog I live in DC USA we should get together lol. Well, this is his second baby and is my first. He was married before and has a 9yr old daughter. He had bad experience with his first child 'cause her mom tookd off when she was 3months old and went and cheated with another man so he had to take care of her for 6months by himself. Now she lives with her mom and they being divorce for 4years. He told me his ex wife and him weren't great parents to thier daughter.And that they used to leave the bottle in her mouth and let her feed herself he sometimes trys to put battle on my 2weeks old and leave it there I wouldn't let him and he tells me he did it with his first child and she truned out to be ok, well she is not ok she has a lot health problems 'cause of that and I tell him that and just shut'sup. He told me he wanted a baby with me espcially when he found out that it was a boy and was really good to me when I was pregnant.
2007-03-15 07:14:44 · update #1
I do tell him what a great dad he is just to make sure he is comfortable taking care of the baby. But when I let him feed him he won't even hold the battle for the baby. He will puth pillow and put the the battle, that's why I try to be next to him when he feeds him so he doesn't do that. I wake's me up at 5am to make breakfast for him, he comes home for lunch and he wants his lunch to be ready. He comes home for good for dinner and he wants dinner on table. He doesn't clean after him self I have to pick after him. I try to do everything while baby is sleep during the day time but I could only get so many things done.
2007-03-15 07:21:59 · update #2
If your husband is going to love your child, he needs to be very much a part of the child's new life. He has no excuse to not participate equally while he is home.
When our baby was new I did every other feeding, with formula. I would change every other diaper (while I was home). I would give every other bath.
As the baby got older my I would get the first feeding at around midnight, she'd get the next one late in the night, and I'd get him in the morning before work.
Once William started staying up for extended periods of time, we started doing one hour shifts, and always making sure the baby had a clean diaper before handing him off at the end of your shift.
William is now 2.5 years old and I get up with him in the morning if he is up before 7am. Then at 7am I do a 2 mile run, shower, and go to work. When I get home at 5:30 I take him to the park, the play area at the mall, or to a play area at a fast food place (e.g. hamster tunnels at McDonalds) for 1-2 hours. We trade off bath duty and singing him to sleep at around 8:30pm.
If your husband didn't want to be a father he should not have conceived a child.
2007-03-15 06:33:10 · answer #1 · answered by Martin Pedersen 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Put your foot down and tell him that it took two people to make this baby and he's being quite selfish by not helping out more. So, here's what you do. After he gets home from work each day, tell him he gets 30 minutes to unwind, de-stress, get a beer, whatever, and then he's holding/feeding baby for an hour while you do whatever it is you've been wanting to do. Also, assign him chores around the house, like folding the laundry or running the vaccume cleaner. Then, ask him to pick ONE night that he gets up when the baby wakes up, maybe middle of the week, like Wednesday. Also, take turns sleeping in on the weekend. One of you gets Sat. morning, the other gets Sun. morning. Babies are HARD work, and at two weeks old, both of you are still adjusting and it seems overwhelming right now.
Also, when he does take care of baby, feed, change diaper, DON'T hover and correct his every move. He will feel even less like helping out if he feels criticized and insecure. Praise him when he does do things, tell him how much you appreciate his help, tell him how cute he looks holding the baby, get out the camera and take pictures....etc....
2007-03-15 05:36:19 · answer #2 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yo need to tell him to man up. Make plans on a weekend and just go out and leave him home with the baby. He needs to understand this is a group effort. If you let him get away with it now, it will only get worse.
My husband and I have 3 kids and he is very helpful. If I need help all I have to do is ask. It's also nice when you don't even have to ask. I do think that some men are just more nurturing than others. Maybe your husband feels emasculated doing things around the house. You know the man you married. Don't expect him to turn in to a completely different person just because there is a baby now.
Seriously, leave him home alone with the baby and he'll have no choice but to get in to the swing of things.
Good luck!
2007-03-15 05:34:09 · answer #3 · answered by . 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, there are others. Your situation may require some help other than him. Get a helper to come in once or twice a week. You decide what the help is. It could be as little as having a teen neighbor come in Mondays and Thursdays and just wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen. Maybe you could get someone in twice a week to just sit with the baby while you take a much needed hot bubble bath and get some laundry or cleaning done. You could also have someone come in and clean once per week.
As far as your husband is concerned, let him know you want ot be able to spend more time with him and for him to get to know the baby. Arrange a time for him to just sit and hold the baby for an hour while you get something done without coming to assist him. Schedule the time so he is not too tired or it's not too late in the evening.
2007-03-15 05:31:43 · answer #4 · answered by the Goddess Angel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No not all husbands are like that. My husband got up at night and worked doing the day. He helped clean up etc but he didnt really "clean". So thats probably normal, most husbands that work dont help clean a lot. I would be concerned that he doesnt want to help or thinks its your job to take care of the baby. I'd have to question him about that, maybe ask if hes scared he'd break the baby or something. If he says its your job to take care of the baby then you dont have a very good father figure and might want to look at your opinions. Sometimes men get more involed with the baby when the baby gets a few months older. When you dont have time or dont feel like cleaning and he asks why you didnt tell him if the house isnt up to his standards to feel free to clean it up otherwises shut his gate, you just had a baby, its partly his mess. I'd also mention if he cant make me a meal without acting the fool then Id have to show him the same repect and complain when I cooked, washed his clothes, cleaned the house to see how he likes it.
2007-03-15 05:31:18 · answer #5 · answered by letthepartybeginnow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no not every husband is like that, some wives are like that too. my wife stays at home with the baby while i work 2 jobs. When i get home from work if the baby is still up i take over, then i do the dishes, then i walk the dog and feed it, the i iron my clothes for my second job, then i get a shower and go to bed. I am up at 5:00AM walk the stupid dog again and feed it before going to work. On the weekends I do even more. Im gettin anywhere from 3 to 5 hours a sleep a night, Hey maybe we should have gotten together.
2007-03-15 05:29:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit your husband down and have a serious chat with him.
Did he grow up in a household where his mother did every single freaking little thing for him and his father?
I know my fiance did and I sat him down after about 8 months of doing everything and said listen I'm done doing it if your not helping and it hurts my feelings when you don't help because I worked too...
He started sweeping and wetjetting and would bring the clothes down to the laundry room...its not a lot but its more then nothing.
Was your husband excited about having the baby? Just sit him down and explain yah he goes to work during the day but you go to school and thats just as hard work and you have to do everything else plus handle the baby on your own and you didnt sign up to be a single parent.
You are two together and he needs to understand he should be more involved. He should at least want to help out more with your child.
2007-03-15 05:26:08 · answer #7 · answered by colie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I am not married but I am rasing 4 childern of my own and the father of them never wanted to help with the baby but I told him that he eather helps me out with stuff around the house and with the baby or it is over and I mean it well he did start to help out after that and I was happy but do not let your husband get away with yelling at u or even asking why did u not clean trust me it is hard to take care of a baby and of doing house work but if u do ever need a hand and if u live here in flint I would be happy to helo u out just email me at sperrymi2006@yahoo.com hope this works for u
2007-03-15 05:29:54 · answer #8 · answered by Sarah P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl you can't change him. He is capable of helping you more than one night a week.....so when he ask why this and that has not been done.....you take the opportunity to say....look you know how tired you are on your one night a week that you take care of the baby....well just multiply that by 6 days and nights that I do. I am doing the best I can with all the help I am getting.....then walk away.....but don't yell....just nice and direct. Tell him also that you appreciate the one day that he helps.....but would even appreciate more.
2007-03-15 05:40:30 · answer #9 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is scared because he has no idea how to care for a baby. Sounds like he wasn't ready for this or that he was pressured somehow. Also, look at his family life....did his mom do all the work? It tells alot. He can complain all he wants, but its his kid.
2007-03-15 05:25:41 · answer #10 · answered by Mike 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋