I'm 27 and very happy in my relationship, but the thought of being a wife and mother scares the crap out of me. Which I know is not normal, b/c most 27 year old women are married by now. Is there a way to "prepare" yourself mentally for marriage, or do you just deal with it when it happens?
2007-03-15 05:18:29 · 22 answers · asked by Haiti Cherie 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm not sure I can answer your question and put all your fears to rest, but I'll try.
First, no couple should consider marriage until they've spent at least a year together, discussing all the issues that are important to them; ie, sex, children, money, careers, religion, politics, etc.
If you feel that you know each other well enough that each of you feels the other is emotionally mature enough to live together in harmony, then "marriage" is but a minor detail.
In other words, what's most important is that two people can LIVE together without getting on each others' nerves constantly.
You need to have a sense of compromise, so you can work out your issues and problems.
You need to have a sense of sympathy and forgiveness, because you probably WILL screw up occasionally, and you need to be able to forgive and move on with the relationship, instead of holding someone's mistakes over their head forever.
I don't know why people have this nervousness about marriage. I mean, if you're telling me that you have a solid relationship already, then marriage is not going to change that. You just need to continue being the decent human being you are.
We've been married 36 years and I'm telling you - NOTHING changes. The ring, the vows, the license are all minor details if you have love and committment, but they are important for many legal reasons.
2007-03-15 08:51:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think when you meet the right guy, you won't be worried. I thought there was no way in hell I'd ever get married, and my boyfriend felt the same way, we couldn't even stay in a relationship for any period of time. Then we met each other and it was like everything changed, we're getting married next August, when we will have been dating a little over 2 years. Ever considered this might not be the right guy? I'd dated plenty of guys and never thought about marriage, then I might the right one and *boom* there it is on the horizon. You say you're happy, but is this a guy that just makes you happy right now or a guy you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with. Only you can know that, but it's at least something to consider...just some food for thought ;)
2007-03-15 05:29:27 · answer #2 · answered by justpeachee22 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to get cold feet, but you need to decide if that's why you're apprehensive. What scares you about being a wife? Is it waking up to the same man everyday? Is it that you'll never date again? Motherhood is more understandable - there's always fears there. Right now, concentrate on why you're worried about getting married. If you have ANY (and I mean ANY) then you need to postpone this wedding until you can work past it. It's not fair to either one of you to get married if you're not ready to (or don't want to).
Take a premarital counseling class or get some books on the subject. Talk to you finance about his and your expectations about your marriage. If it's meant to - this will work out for you. Just make sure it's what you want.
2007-03-15 05:25:14 · answer #3 · answered by reandsmom77 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you engaged already? There is no "normal" age at which one is ready to be married. But I will tell you this, the thought of being a father and husband scares me some too, but I'm getting married in a couple of months and I am thrilled to do it. So in some ways, the fear may never go completely away. It just means you appreciate the responsibilities that come with it. Most people don't.
2007-03-15 05:22:13 · answer #4 · answered by btpage0630 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Deal with it when it happens. Decide whether or not, in theory, you would like to be in a long-term relationship or marriage, and whether or not, in theory, you would eventually like to have kids (whatever the reason may be). If the answer is yes, you would like to - then just figure that you will have to take the plunge, and learn to swim as you go. I'm 32, I've never been apprehensive about marriage, but the thought of having to have kids one day makes me cringe. Ten years ago I thought that I would one day just be "ready" to have children - but I am no more ready now than when I was 16. However, for various practical reasons, I figure that it will be a good decision to have kids, so my husband and I will be trying for it soon - as neither of us is getting any younger. If I wait til I'm "ready" - it will simply never happen. Just do it. Good luck.
2007-03-15 06:20:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is the kind of thing that you need to be sure about. If you have any second thoughts at all I would wait. If you are happy in the relationship the way it is then what is rush to get married? And you should never have to prepare yourself for this. It should make you happy, you should be thrilled to get married. And if you are not... then you are not ready to be married.
2007-03-15 05:40:02 · answer #6 · answered by Nikki 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well i was dating my husband for 7 years before we got married and i was 27 when we got married but i have to tell you even though i had actually known him for i think 10 years at the time, and dated for a long time, and i loved him and had no doubts, marriage is very scary i almost through up every day that week before, but i knew that i wanted to be with him forever. so because it's a big step you will definitely be nervous. this is your life we're talking about. this is the person who some day you will have kids with ya know, and we all have that fleeting doubt because you want to make sure this is who you want for life, but if you are nervous because you still have alot of doubts then don't do it. but anyway, no. there is nothing to mentally prepare you for this experience. just try to think about how cool it is that you will get to be together every day all the time and build a life together. That always made me extremely excited, but nervous anyway. we just have to deal with it.
2007-03-15 05:26:39 · answer #7 · answered by Lovely 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
its human nature to worry about new things in life....we fear the unexpected, and we worry about new situations and wonder about how we will get thru them.... marriage is another step towards that direction..a new experience that will cause some nervousness...its all normal...trust me... i think deep down everyone is nervous when it comes to really toughening up and becoming a mother or father, a provider, ect... i worry about that sometimes too..i wonder how i will ever just mature up and become a mother... i mean, i am VERY mature, but being a mother takes upon a whole new load of respondibiies that im not sure if im ready for quiet yet... so im not rushing into anything right now...life is beautiful and everything happens for a reason...27 is still so young...you have time to be a wife and mother, and you will be one for the rest of your life, so whats the rush?
2007-03-15 05:25:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why aren't you in premarital counseling with the pastor who will officiate at the wedding, or at least one of the leaders of the church who handles those things? If all else fails, go to the book store and ask the clerk to show you some of the more popular books on marriage or even, before the wedding books. Sit down and read through several chapters as they relate to your situation, soon you will get a revelation. I pray it is not marriage you are afraid of, but just change.
2007-03-15 05:24:09 · answer #9 · answered by the Goddess Angel 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's not abnormal at all, many people are apprehensive or even scared to death about it. See your priest or a marriage counselor (even before marriage) to check in with where your fears are coming from and ease through them before your big day. They may be imaginary, or they may be based on real things your gut is trying to tell you, so it's important to get a handle on where they are coming from.
2007-03-15 05:22:33 · answer #10 · answered by charmedchiclet 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋