Daddy complex?

Question

My dad worked constantly while I was growing up. I didn't see him much on holidays because he usually got called out to work last minute. He worked from home, and I still might not see him for a few days at a time. I respect how hard he worked to provide for his family. I've never resented him. He went to strip clubs a lot when out of town (which did disturb me), even when we were with him. Although I never hated him, I never really felt "special" to him, either, like a "daddy's girl". As I grew older, I became desperate to please men in my relationships with them and often compromised my morals to keep them from leaving me, becoming the "doormat" repeatedly. I became obsessed with my appearance and still am at 26, worrying about being sexy enough. It also seems like I've always been drawn to boyfriends' (and my husband's) dads (not sexually). My husband and I get along well, but I am jealous of other women. Can my feelings about my dad and my current state be related? Help!

Please note when reading this that I do NOT mean that I am physcially attracted to the fathers of my signifcant others. I just always felt the need to foster a close buddy, kind of a father-daughter, relationship with them. My mother-in-law and I do not speak (she is a drug addict). The worst part about cutting her off from us when we found out, for me anyway, was losing the bond I had with my husband's step-dad. My husband's biological father was not, at the time, involved in his life and had not been for 25 years. Now that he is involved, I feel this urge to get to know him better and kind of have him be a second dad. It bugs me.

I'm not offended by anyone's responses, I just want to clarify. Regarding the whole trying to be sexy thing, I was talking more about guys I was attracted to or dated when I was single. No, I don't (and didn't) try to impress my significant others' dads that way. I realize my original question was long and wordy. Sorry for the confusion.

Answer 1

Gosh, I`m going through this right now. You crave attention from men. Sometimes you attract the wrong kind of attention. My father never showed any kind of attention to me, in fact he completely disowned me 10 years ago. I`ve just figured this out, ( this week), I`m going in the wrong direction with men. I just want some guy to care about me, but lust and sex isn`t going to make it happen. Unfortunately you end up feeling used and emotionally hopeless, Dad`s can do a lot of damaged to their kids. The only time my Dad paid attention to me was to hit me or scold me...I to find myself attracted to older men. My husband is 12 years older..

Answer 2

Absolutely Darlin'. You already figured it all out. You know the answer. Your dad didn't give you hugs and kisses or many smiles, so you craved that from guys. Perfectly normal.
Now you are sometimes attracted to older men because they appreciate your youth and good looks. You see a connection also between the older men now too and when that is a factor, you are always trying to Be Sexy to Father Figures in your life.

I am totally surprised that you are not a stripper coked out on drugs in Vegas or the next best choice of towns you found to ruin your whole life. Congratulations for being smarter and figuring out what's wrong instead of destroying yourself. Jealous is normal for a lot of women because they were distant from their fathers too. Good News: Jealousy becomes far less with age. (Some nice lady with a green hat should have told me that when I was suffering from jealousy.) You're very Smart!! Now figure out how to avoid that pattern.
It's not easy but you have insight that makes a big difference.

Answer 3

Yes it is quite possibly related. Get help for it now while your still young because when you get older men aren't going to be as interested in you as much anymore, I don't care how sexy appeal you have. Then you will become depressed and not be able to handle it... Resolve those feeling about your father and put closure to it and enjoy the rest of your life. Become whole within yourself...No man, not even daddy can give that to you. That's something that you must ferret out from your own psyche. A therapist can help you find your way to your oneness and true self worth... Good Luck! I wish you nothing but rainbows along the way :o)

Answer 4

well i think that all you need to know is that you must respect other men and boys now that you are married. dont think about them so much. never try to be too kind. keep your limits and share your feelings about every man you meet with your husband. that will help.
you just feel that your dad wasnt there 4 you. and that might have been covered up a bit by your brother (if you have any).

Good luck.

Answer 5

I really think you need to talk to someone about your emotional state. I suggest making an appointment with a counselor or therapist. This is a serious condition that you need help with.

Answer 6

You have to either choose to get over it or choose to live with it. You are the only one that allows yourself to feel this way, no one is telling you that you have to.. You are an adult now, stand up and be one, quit allowing yourself to feel this way. You're the only one who can control it.

Answer 7

see a therapist..it would be good for you either way.