My husband put a profile on a dateing web site saying that he is separated from me and looking for someone. I found it and asked him about he said it was all a joke and he done it to see what happened. But the profile is still there he has not deleted it. I don't know what to do we have 3 kids together and he is a great dad but do I forget about it or should I say something to him again about it. I love him. But now I am thinking about leaveing him. What should I do?? Please help me.
2007-03-15 05:08:05 · 38 answers · asked by Debbie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am a man. Divorced, and I don't know your husband personally but can tell you that this is not a good sign.
It is not a joke. Something hurtful to your spouse and children is never a joke. He is looking... that being said it may just be a curiosity. look at the relationship from an intamacy stand point is there still a spark. If not look for ways to improve the sexual side of the relationship. He probably does love you but is confused about some desires he may have that are not being fullfilled. Spice it up a bit.
At the end of the day he as to be dedicated to you and the kids. If he is not then you must make a hard decsion. But make sure you do what is right for you and the children first.
2007-03-15 05:13:58 · answer #1 · answered by tikibarisopen2004 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Lighten up.
You are all in a tizzy about a profile. My question is what are you looking at the personals?
If you are thinking about leaving for that you cannot have much invested in the relationship.
You know that it is entirely possible that he was just curious and had no intention of following up on any of this. That's right he might have been goofing around. Have you given him reason to look elsewhere? If not why do you suppose the worst?
Maybe you should talk to him instead of looking for advice from this forum. There is very little good advice here on staying married. Ther lion's share of the answers here are going to be leave him.
Those people have no answer to the question , How do I justify pulling the kids parents apart for something so silly?
They also are not looking at your checkbook.
My advice based on a 30+year marriage is to learn to get worried about the important stuff and to walk away from stuff of no consequence.
Frankly, to walk for this would be pretty immature. That does not even adress not believing him when he told you it was a joke and nothing to worry about. You are having trouble believing him. That would be a bigger problem for me.
Have you a good reason for mistrust?
2007-03-15 05:26:47 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have had an experience similar to this before, and you really should sit down and get this out in the open with your husband. Sometimes it is hard to hear the things you don't want to hear but, the truth is always best. Maybe he did do this as just a way to fantazise online, or for more serious reasons if he is meeting offline.... either way you owe it to yourself to know the truth. I truely hope you have a good outcome, and stay positive... and just talk to him openly about it, and how it makes you feel but you should ask him to delete his account ... if he follows through or he doesn't, then you know where to go from there. Good luck.
2007-03-15 05:18:37 · answer #3 · answered by §ðmê†hïñg Wï¢kêÐ †hï§ Wå¥ Çðmê§ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a tough call -- but I seriously doubt it's a "joke." Time to be blunt with him: tell him there's no reason, joke or otherwise, that a married man should have a profile on a dating site, and that you want it removed immediately. If he offers more excuses, or promises to remove it and then doesn't, you need to take the next step.
That next step can be lots of things, and I don't know your whole situation, so it's up to you. But it may involve telling him that unless the two of you get joint counseling, you're kicking him out (don't YOU leave, kick HIM out -- you're the one that's been wronged here). Or kick him out right away, and only consider taking him back AFTER the two of you have had some counseling.
You're going to need help and support -- I hope you have a relative or close friend to help. If you do take a drastic step, and he refuses to leave, you might have to get legal help. This can get messy...but you deserve to have a husband who is honest with you and isn't looking to cheat on you -- and if he can't live up to that, it's time to break it off.
I'm sorry -- I hope it works out well. Best wishes!
2007-03-15 05:15:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ask him about it again. To me it sounds like it's not too big of a joke. Ask him why he thought it was a joke and how could he have expected you to think it was a joke. Trap him in a corner of questions that would be hard for him to get out of. Like, why would u want to jokingly see if someone else was interested in you? Why would you say u were single? Why would u of went there in the first place? OR.......you should go to the website and make up a different name and everything. Answer his question, or act interested in him, but under a different name. So he would think it was another girl and you could see what he was up to and why he was doing it. Good luck.....I hope everything works out ok.
2007-03-15 05:21:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Calm down. Why don't you add "married, father of three"
to his profile. Is there an older man in his life whom he respects? If so, ask him to talk to your husband.
Put the "D" word out of your mind. Have you prayed about any of this? If you love him, this is the tiime to show it more....
love notes, special foods......fix yourself up when he comes home so he won't care for some phantom on the internet as much as the woman at the door to greet him every day. Put your hurt and grief away for now and win your man back.
2007-03-15 05:18:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you kidding me???. Shame on him. How dare he. He is up to no good. If it was such a joke, why didnt he tell you about it???. What was he going to do if he got responses?, Just what you think he was going to do. Now he has created a relationship where one spouse has doubt in their head. Should you say something about him not deleting it, OF COURSE. You are his wife, he has 3 children. Seems to me like he is feeling like he is missing something out there. If he wants it so much, tell him to go get it, but dont come back when he finds emptiness, cause you won't be there. Common sense will tell you that any married man thats posts on a dating web site is up to no good. Good Luck.
2007-03-15 05:16:32 · answer #7 · answered by 3boys 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Answer his post and confront him once you are there. This is not a joke and do not let him convince you otherwise. If you do not want to do this I suggest then to try to open up communication ways between you two. He is obviously not being honest with you and that is never a good policy. Take care of yourself and your kids.
2007-03-15 05:30:44 · answer #8 · answered by dharmagirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is his only indescretion I wouldnt leave him just yet. It is not good behaviour and I would get to the bottom of why he decided to resort to this sort of site. If you uncover a problem in the marriage then try to fix it calmly. If it is unfixable then leave him. But I think you are being a bit premature in bailing now.
2007-03-15 05:15:42 · answer #9 · answered by Devdude 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not a joke. He's looking for a date. He didn't make up fake names, post pictures of strangers and tell bizarre stories "to see what happened". I'm guessing that the only part of the profile that was made up was the part about you.
How would he feel if you had posted the profile looking to get a date?
I think your husband has decided - in a rather cowardly way - to end your relationship without having enough respect for you to actually tell you.
Think about leaving him? He is already "seperated" from you in his mind! Make copies of the profile and keep them for the lawyers.
2007-03-15 05:10:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 3⤋