My marriage is in danger. I love my husband very much, but he thinks I don't because I never want to have sex. I have never been the type to want sex. I can't even say all the time because I can go over one year with out sex and I am the happiest woman alive. I love him and I want to inprove my sex drive but just nothing seems to work.
I think he is tired of hearing me say ok just go for it, or no I can't and even the getting upset before bedtime so that he does not try anything.
Someone please help. We have a 2 1/2 year old son but way before I had my son this was the issue too.
Im tired of pretending that Im into it when I really am not, and it's not that he does not please me because when I want it I enjoy him.
Thanks for all your help
2007-03-15 04:54:37 · 18 answers · asked by Medical Assistant 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry for my spelling. i am at work and my boss can sneek up on me
2007-03-15 04:59:57 · update #1
In the begining I wanted to to have sex all the time, but that gets old and I jsut cannot explain it. Its not just him I have had that problem with any relashionship I want sex all the time in the begining but then I just dont want it at all. And how can you just have it and see if you get in the mood after he can be all into it and that still does not turn me on
2007-03-15 06:28:43 · update #2
Horny Goat Weed....................yes! That is really what it is called! : )
2007-03-15 04:59:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should be writing my story. I love my partner very much and don't want to be with anyone else but I feel the same way...We also have a 2 1/2 year old child . I am too boggled down by lifes daily stuff like working, taking care of a 7 year old and 2 1/2 year old, cleaning house, bills. when I am doing these things and he sleeps in till 11, doesnt clean anything unless I tell him what to clean(which bothers me why can he not look and see what is not clean and just clean it) Also, I get up everymorning at 7 30 whether I am tired or not, why does he always get the luxory of sleeping in.......so of course these things are a turnoff to having sex.... but when we do have sex usually I enjoy it.
Maybe you should sit down and just talk to him about it, or maybe you could go to the doctors, sometimes your hormone levels could be out of wack. Actually it sounds weird but I took relacore(which is a diet pill) too try and help loose some weight) but it actually for some reason increased my sex drive. even though it wasnt meant for that it kind of worked.
2007-03-15 05:06:11 · answer #2 · answered by shelly63795 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've done this. 10 years of it, on the tenth anniversary, it became apparent that the next ten would be more of the same. Nothing. An ultra sound of my parts showed epididtmytis, and explained the pain. Dr said I needed to be bred. But to sleep with the wife was to invite pnumonia. So you better take care of this boy, and be a happy warrior about it, or his stuff will tell him what he's going to do, and not the other way around. Find out what really rings his bells, and do that. For him, not for you. Anything short of perversion. If he's just plain, average, normal male, and he's walking around leaving tracks in concrete, its a very high percentage bet that he'll get an invitation from a succubus or some oversexed lady of leisure, and he'll be in trouble now. Don't let him be walking around out there without your scent on him.
2007-03-15 05:45:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sad but true, some people are sexually incompatible. Clearly you are both going to become miserable if this keeps up.
Try giving him hand jobs. They're simple and require minimum effort on your part, and most guys like them.
Suggest that he develop a porn collection. You might not like it, but there has to be some give here somewhere. At least porn is safe - he can't get diseases from imaginary encounters.
Or, you could allow him to have affairs, if he promises to stay with you until your son is 18. This isn't such a terrible deal (many women have gone down this path). This would free you from the pressure to have sex, and you could still be nice to each other.
You have the right to refuse sex, but continual denial is grounds for divorce. Good luck!
2007-03-15 05:06:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You seem to feel it important to you which i feel is a great starting point. That being said you should try everything and anything that seems like a plausible solution till you hit on the right thing. If you were never one to pleasure yourself I would try to master that. Sometimes watching porn can help spark things. Sometimes its as simple as a little more romance and foreplay before sex. There is something you are NOT getting and that is what you must get to the bottom of.
2007-03-15 05:06:05 · answer #5 · answered by Devdude 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would try a sex counselor or check with your doctor to see if your suffering from a chemical imbalance. If your issues are suppress fears or other bad experiences maybe someone to talk it out that you feel safe with a professional not a friend or family member. I don't believe in better living through chemistry but maybe you might need something to lift your desires to normal level.
It might not be just the act of sex itself with your husband. Try not pretending but connect with him in other loving ways. Men really want to please their partners and in his eyes I am sure he feels that he is failing at this with you. Men have very fragile egos and need to be stroked and pampered.
Good luck
2007-03-15 05:14:04 · answer #6 · answered by chancesare45 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you start taking a pill to improve your libido you will likely just stop taking it and resent that you ever tried it, thinking that you really didn't have a problem to begin with.
I think if you never had much passion with your husband, even before you married, you aren't going to magically have passion for him, even with a drug.
I wish I had a nice answer for women who don't want sex, but as far as I am concerned they are defective, and I can't see having an enjoyable relationship with them. There's a lot of closeness lost.
2007-03-15 06:23:04 · answer #7 · answered by Martin Pedersen 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sex Therapy.
There are some good therapist out there, though I don't know any myself, but I've heard of them. (Mostly from HBO Real Sex). Therapy might be the best solution.
2007-03-15 04:58:33 · answer #8 · answered by stn1225 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
GO TO SEE YOUR GYNECOLOGIST! They have meds for this for women now. Probably a hormonal imbalance. You are not being fair to yourself or your husband. Stop blaming it on many things and GO TO THE OBGYN CLINIC. If you don't, you will find there are plenty of women who will be glad to fill your shoes and you will find your husband discouraged to the point where he won't care any;more either.
2007-03-15 05:06:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Exercise works for me. Specifically lifting weights.
I used to take Wellbutrin and that had a profound affect on my sex drive but that was only after I first took it.
2007-03-15 04:59:01 · answer #10 · answered by Matthew L 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why did you get married if you didn't want physically bond with someone. He needs you to be "into it". It's no fun if you aren't. I know that for a fact. Talk to a doctor or counseller about your issues. You are missing out.
2007-03-15 05:00:44 · answer #11 · answered by bigdaddy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋