help - my daughter is really sad.?

Question

We have just recently moved and my normally bubbly teenager has become very quiet and withdrawn.I asked her what was the matter and she said she didn`t like her new school.She is nearly 15 and normally loves school. Would it be possible to send her to our local college to do her gcses instead?

Answer 1

So you moved your 15 year old daughter from all her friends and a school she liked at an important time of her academic life near her GCSE's.

So basically disrupted everything in her life... BRAVO!

Answer 2

She is probably having a hard time fitting in and is at a loss as to what to do. Although it hurts to see her withdrawn and sad, she has to try her best to fit in. You can't really fix the problem by sending her to a local college, the same thing will likely follow her. She honestly has to learn to overcome this on her own, how else will she make friends later on in life.
Get her involved in something school involved, sports, music, clubs, Students Union, yearbook etc. The more she's involved with the school activities, the more likely she'll meet a friend along the way.
It will take some time and some self esteem to get into a group of friends being an outsider and all. If she keeps up a happy attitude and smiles and is friendly to everyone, I'm sure she'll eventually meet some friends.

Answer 3

I have three daughters- all grown up now. We were in the military for 20 years. We moved 12 times during those 20 years. Moving is always difficult- especially for teens who highly value their friends. But they make new friends in time.
It does take a little time. Encourage her to join clubs and sports that interest her. Keep talking with her. Have a mom and daughter outing - let her choose the place and activity. This will give you an opportunity to talk and she will know that you care. Then, later, go somewhere where she can invite a friend a friend along.

If her sadness persists- let her see a health professional.

I don't think letting her go to the college is wise. The whole situation with older men....

I did, once, take one of my daughters out of a public school she was attending--due to it being a very poor school.
I put her in a small catholic school-- (we are'nt catholic). She objected at first-especially when she saw the uniform. But truly loved it later because it was small and all the kids became friends.

Don't let your daughter withdrawl from you......have patience but keep the communication open! This is hard for her ..she needs you.

Answer 4

Don't worry. You said you have only just recently moved. She's at a difficult age where friends are really important and it will take time for her to intergrate. She probably misses her old friends a lot, there's nothing worse than leaving a nice comfortable place behind for somewhere unfamiliar and cold. I changed schools a lot when I was young- in fact I changed countries when I was her age- and I always hated the new places at first, but eventually you just get used to it. Kids are very adaptable.

So I don't understand how changing schools again will help, I think she just needs time to settle in, which she'll need anywhere. I know it's probably upsetting to see her so sad but she will be fine, believe me, I've never known anyone to fail to recover from moving schools. And it'll be a valuable learning experience for her too, if she can get through this she'll have a lot more confidence later on when it comes to new situations and new people (which life is full of, really).

Unless she's being bullied, but you don't mention that. If this is the case definitely change schools. It's definitely not worth leaving her there to have her confidence ruined for life.

Something tells me Cybermoose was one spoiled little brat growing up- ignore him and be glad your girl won't end up like that!

Answer 5

You say you just recently moved. That means it has not been a long time in the new school. It would be unusual if she left a school she loves and the new school was EVEN better! She has a history at the old school; no one really knows her here. Give it more time before panicking and moving her - the local college will be a new place too and she'd be in the midst of older kids - some of them men - and have to try to fit in that environment. It would be potentially dangerous and not exactly the best place to make new friends.

Answer 6

It's understandable that she's taking a while to adjust to moving. She is probably sad in her new school simply because it's not her old school. If you move her to another establishment it still won't be her old school so their is not guarentee she will feel any better. Make sure you keep the channels of communication open, get her to talk as much as possible about what's upsetting her but don't move her unless you are absolutely sure it will solve the problem because if it's just taking her a while to settle in the new school she'll have to start that settling all over again.

Answer 7

And by doing this how are you going to teach your daughter to stick at things. Your daughter needs to open up to you and explain why she doesn't like her new school. If it's bullying then you get in touch with the head and sort things out properly. Switching her from school again is only going to teach her to run from her problems. She needs to learn to communicate how she is feeling and then you need to reach a resolution. I honestly don't believe that you have done the right thing by moving her to a new school while she is in the middle of her GCSE year. Exams put enough of a strain on a teenager without the upheaval of moving and having to settle in to a new school and make new friends thrown in. you now need to sit down with your daughter and have her talk openly about the problems she is experiencing and take it from there.

Answer 8

Hey, I'm answering this from experience; when I was in Year 10, assumedly the same as your daughter now, (I'm now 16 and in Year 12) my mum threatened to take me out of my school and put me in a new one, as the school had just been put into special measures. After many arguments I managed to talk her out of this as I was very happy at my school with my friends and didn't want to move.

Another reason I didn't want to move was because they teach different syllabuses at different schools, so everything I had learnt so far would be useless in my exams, and I would be really far behind everyone else.

Therefore, I would suggest that it probably wasn't the wisest idea to move your daughters' school at this point in time, as she is probably struggling to make friends, and is maybe really behind in at least some, if not most of her subjects, through no fault of her own. I would not recommend taking her to a college, as this will uproot her further, instead talk to her and to the school and see what you can do to support her.

Good luck :-)

Answer 9

I have to say
Did your daughter get a say in moving house??
If not then that's where you went wrong
She should mature enough to know what she wants and what would effect her greatly- such as moving school
Sending her to the college isn't going to make a difference. the reason why she doesn't like her new school is cause at 15 the year is divided into cliques and friendship groups. it is so much easier when you are younger to become best friends with someone after 10 minutes of knowing them. it's going to take her a long time to get pretty close friends.

Answer 10

tricky age anyway isnt it?!
dont try to deny any of her feelings, as some parents do to all age groups "dont be silly" etc.
acknowledge all her feelings, tell her you know its a shame you all had to move but ..(all the good reasons you can think of!)...
ask her if she'd like to go to youth club, join leisure centre/hobbies/after school stuff/sports etc.
advise her to be as smiley as possible at school, as most people there will probably be dying to befriend her and sympathise with her as long as she isnt going round with the typical teen 'sour' face on like they do so well! tho dont phrase it quite like that!!
maybe speak to head of year at school... the one at my daughters high school is brilliant and really helped my eldest, and its confidential so she wont say 'your mum phoned/called in' etc to save her feeling babied!
keep communicating, spend even more time with her, go on a girlie shopping trip etc. be as reassuring as possible and just remember when you were 14/15 and how huge all your issues were!
is it very far from where you lived before? if not too far, could an old friend catch train and come and stay one weekend? buy a dog, get her to take it out, good way to meet other kids with dogs who live locally and/or attend her school!
did she get to look at school b4 you moved? if not will need lots of time to settle in.
be patient and loving and reassuring, she'll soon settle with your help.
good luck!
PS dont move ger again yet! could be a month or so b4 settles. if by summer still hates it which i doubt, talk to her about visiting the college. but let things settle 1st. another change now could be dterimental, leave that option for a bit longer

Answer 11

If she simply doesn't like it, I would try to work with her and give her time.

But the reason of "I don't like it." could really be "There's something wrong at my new school that I don't feel comfortable telling you about." Maybe she has been singled out by a bully or is being called names or has been approached for sexual behavior by someone.

I would sit her down in the most loving and non-confrontational way, preferably with no one else home and ask her to tell you if there is some secret or some deep reason why she doesn't like school.

If you just moved maybe for a job or something, she may feel like she doesn't want to add to your troubles or problems by telling you about hers.

If it's just a lack of adjustment, I would give it a little time and try to make non-school hours as engaging and encouraging as possible. But I would make sure that there is not something seriously wrong.