I have two little boys-6 yrs and 1 yr old. Their dad and I just recently broke up after 7 years. He is a good guy and we have been through everything both good and bad together. We know eachother better then we know ourselves. During our 7 year relationship we have split up 2 other times but decided to get back together because we love eachother and want to make it work especially since we have kids. But see in the beginning he use to cheat on me and ended up with a now 2 year old daughter by someone else and everyitme we break up he goes to live with this other girl and they now have a new born baby b/c which resulted from our last breakup when he ran to her. I have a very hard time trusting him and he doesnt really trust me either b/c I was calling somebody else on the phone before we broke up. We both want to do whats right and he tells me everyday that he wants to do the right thing and he loves me more then anything and wants to be with me but I am confused and scared to do it.
2007-03-15 04:46:05 · 28 answers · asked by Yellowtulips 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
what is the right thing to do? I dont want to regret whatever decision it is that I will make.
2007-03-15 04:46:44 · update #1
I think you already know the answer to your question in your heart. Your children deserve a mother who is treated with love and respect, and obviously, their father cannot provide this. You are training your children, by your actions, on the types of relationships that are and are not acceptable. Would you want this type of relationship for either of your children? What advice would you give your own child if they were in this situation? By accepting this man's behavior, you are telling your children that it is acceptable to live this way.
You deserve so much more. Sometimes love is not enough! I do not know your religious background, but the Bible has an ultimate verse on love, and I feel it is applicable to any person of any religion. It defines love as: Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, conceited or rude. Love is not selfish, or quick to take offense. Love is not self-seeking, not easily angered, and keeps no record or wrongs. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres.
This true definition of love is out there, and you and your children deserve it! Please, put yourself and your children first. Seek some counseling and learn to love yourself. You are in control of your future, and the futures of your children. Give them a mother they can respect and model themselves after, then work on a father figure that can teach them about what it means to love, honor and respect in a relationship so that someday, when they grow up, they can choose the right type of relationship, and thank thier mother for showing them how to do that!
I will keep you in my prayers. I have been in your situation, and have turned my life around. I returned to college, and earned a degree in counseling to help other women in these same situations. Today is a new day for you. Make the decision you know you must!
God bless and please take care!
Jenna
2007-03-15 05:15:39 · answer #1 · answered by Jenna W 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So, every time you get in an arguement he runs off and sleeps with this other girl that he now has two kids with? Do you really think you could happy staying in this relationship? You don't trust him and he doesn't trust you. You MUST have trust for a relationship work. I'm sorry, but as a couple, I still much heartache. Find away to be friends and work together for your sons best interest. Who knows, maybe you'll find someone else who treats you and loves you the way you deserve! Or, he could even end up changing and the two of you might be able to make it work. Right now, I just think there's too much distrust, hurt and anger and those will only continue to get worse if you continue this cycle.
2007-03-15 11:57:50 · answer #2 · answered by reandsmom77 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only you can answer this question. Can you live the rest of your life not trusting eachother?
Do you think either of you can completely commit to one another? And dont you think this going back and forth is hurting the kids more then helping them? If you truly truly loved eachother, then their would be noone on the side to run too. You have to ask yourself would life be better together or apart. You know the answer,you just need to be strong enough to make a decsion and stick with it. Some people are just not meant to be together, no matter the cost. Do whats right for you and your kids. i would rather be alone and happy, then together and miserable. good Luck
2007-03-15 11:55:16 · answer #3 · answered by 3boys 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really feel very bad after reading ur story b'coz mine was much more similar to u.Look if u have any other option other than ur husband and if the person u are talking to accepts ur kide then don't think any more just simply go to him.On the other hand if that person refuses u then the main thing depend upon financially and if have enough guts to cope up with all ups and downs of ur life and live separtely then plz go away from that person and if he sys he loves u very much then it was totally a lie rather i should say a big big lie.He goes to some girl before u and on ur part u are not wrong.I don't know wht god will do with these liers.
2007-03-15 12:02:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get into counseling, at the very least for yourself, but consider individual, family, and marital counseling. It is not good for your kids to see you continually breaking up and getting back together with their father. Maybe you should not be married, there are other options. It is a good thing that you can still care about him, make friends. I love by best friend. Maybe that is where the two of you should go with your relationship. Divorce is hard on kids but living in turmoil is worse. See if he is willing to change the rules and get a divorce, but remain friends and raise your children as effective co parents, with separate marriages. Being able to say he is a great guy, but not someone I can stay married to, is freedom. Both for you and for your children. The best gift you can give your children is having a good relationship with their father. This may mean that you aren't married to him, but you are still friends with him and can honestly say good things about him to his children. It may be that he just should not be married or maybe the two of you are just not the match you wished you were. Be honest with yourself and do everything you can to keep those good feelings about him, he is the father of your children.
2007-03-15 12:52:54 · answer #5 · answered by krissy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He he loves you so much how come he ended up with two kids from his ex? the best thing to do for everybody is end the relationship and remain friends. The kids are the ones who will be confuse everytime you guys break up get back together and he has more kids with his ex. Break up for good and both of you move on. Remain friends and work out a visitation agreement so the kids can see their dad.
2007-03-15 11:53:34 · answer #6 · answered by bbinqueens33 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You both know the right thing to do, but you just don't want to do it. You are both fickle and selfish. You care more for yourselves than those two little boys. They have the right to expect that their Father will love them and their Mother. They have the right to feel secure knowing that Mom & Dad love them and will do what's best for the family above all other people or things. Trust must be built or repaired and pracficed by all. Marriage and child rearing are the hardest jobs in your life, but are also the most rewarding when rules are followed by everyone.
Confess to God and each other. Renew your vows. Learn what true love is all about. TODAY!!!! ok?
2007-03-15 11:58:51 · answer #7 · answered by maybelline512 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't be an idiot-----get a therapist or have a heart to heart talk with yourself. Ask yourself----why am i allowing this guy to treat me this way? Am i afraid of being alone? Am i staying with him becasue of my children? This guy does not love you. And you are incredible stupid if you actually believe him when he tells you that bull crap. Loves does not cheat--love does not run to other women when there's an argument in a relationship---
I think you are in an extremely toxic situation. This guy does not care about you one bit. If i were you, i would have kicked his *** to the curb the first time he cheated---i have absolutely no tolerance for cheaters. Once a cheater, always a cheater, and your so called man is a perfect example of that. lt will hurt like hell but do not stay with this guy for the sake of your children. It's not worth it. You want to be in a relationship with a guy that makes you happy.
*Before you get involved in another relationship, take some time of to reevalute your past relationships. Try to understand why you chose to get involved with the type of men that you have. You'll realize that you've basically been dating the same type of men, and that the only difference between them is that they have different faces. Take some time to figure out the type of guy that you want in you life, and if you meet guys that are interested in you but do not possess any of the qualities that you want in a man, then do not get involved with them because you'll end up in the same situation that you currently find yourself in.
****you man is using you. He knows you'll put up with any crap he throws your way. Do not give him the pleasure of using you as a comfort zone. He knows you're the type of woman that he can go back to when things are not working out with the other woman.
----Good luck with whatever decision you decide to make----
2007-03-15 12:14:00 · answer #8 · answered by Ghanaian Princess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sweety.
What ever you do theres gonna be apart of it that your gonna regret. Would you want your son to be the man that your husband is. Would you want him to do his wife the way his father dose to you. i understand being in love, and confused and also not knowing what to do. Im kinda going through the same thing. With out the whole him leaving and haveing babies with other people. He just stays here and yells alot.
I dont understand why men feel they have to do things like that.
Bottom line is though I think maybe if he loves you like he says he dose he wouldent have went to this same person over and over again and have children whith her. I think maybe he's confused about what and who he wants. Do you think its worth putting your emotions and children through the ringer? I cant tell you what to do.
But I hope bringing some of these things to your attention will help you choose the right decision thats right for you!
Best of luck!!!!!!
2007-03-15 12:01:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It looks like time to call it off for good. This man has 2 families and can come and go between them at will. It is unfair to both women and to the kids this guy is having so carelessly. Break away for good cause it will not change.Get off the rollercoaster and be a good mom to the kids. they will need you more than ever to help them get over dad leaving. Youll find someone out there who will treat you far better
2007-03-15 11:54:49 · answer #10 · answered by sugar 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋