It is hard to remarry when you have children already? Why?

Question

What happens? How does the new spouse get to a level where they are as important as you kids? Are there loyalty battles? Jelousy? WHats the best way to make it al work so that everyone feels loved and no one feels left out or less important?

Answer 1

The easiest thing to do is to talk to everyone involved openly and honestly BEFORE the marriage takes place. Of course the kids will be worried that you will ignore them and the spouse will not want to feel like persona non gratis in their own home. You have to discuss parenting roles and expectations, behavior of the kids and the adults so that adults don't start interacting like they are children as well and what you will do if there is conflict in the relationships so that it doesn't keep escalating.

Answer 2

Well if the kids are not living with you when they come to visit the parent either feels they need to do whatever is possible to make them happy. They feel guilty. Or the parent is afraid to discipline the kids for fear they won't want to come back, or that the other parent of the kids won't let them see the kids again if they do discipline.

Or if ur the mother with kids, u sometimes get upset with ur new husband telling ur kids what to do vise versa.

But in any situation before u get married to anyone with kids, u need to decied on how u wud handle any situation with ur kids. Then u need to invole the kids & do the same with them let them be involed in how thing's will be handled when these situations come up. This way no one feels left out and everyone gets a voice. Even the little ones will to a certain extent.
Good Luck!!

Answer 3

It all depends upon how the relationship built, how old are the children, are you a godly or secular household, do the other person sincerely make you happy. If all of these things are positive in your life, then follow your adult instinct in good judgment. Don't try so hard to make it work, just give it time, and let it work. Just be the loving spouse you are suppose to be. Be the loving parent you are suppose to be. Be ready to face uprising situations as the come up, dont let them linger no longer than the time it take for you to consider what to do. Dont take head to fables...things can work out. Stay prayerful always, and may the God of peace be with your household.

Answer 4

i cant answer for anyone else but in my expierience you have to find someone who is open to your kids, gets along with your kids. also your kids have to know your expectations from them. if possible do it while they are young, if not include them in the getting to know you process. that way you casn get a feel for the life to expect later.
yes there will be loyalty battles if the occasion arrises. kids will defend thier parents.
i think the MOST important advice i can offer dont allow the kids to hear you or the added member ever talking negatively about thier absent parent! THIS IS THE SUREST WAY TO BREED ANTIMOSITY. and loyalty battles.
think of it like this kid1 hears you attacking parent2 and thier first instinct is to defend thier parent. it is only natural.
be understanding if they have issues with the step.
listen(really listen) to thier underlying issues
alot of problems arise when parents do not listen to thier childrens valid although at times misinformed views or grievances
try a family night where you and the date and kids get together have dinner talk ect. even if it is only once a month.
if the date has children include them of course as well
if you have time block out a date night with each child take them exclusively alone for even a small amout of time thiss gives them the knowledge that you have not forgotten them and that they are as important to you as they were before date was added.
be sure to be fair about discipline if one kids sees the other get off easier than they for the same error it will cause BIG problems
no i dont think that it is ever easy but these tips from a single mom of two hopefully will help you out. yes your life partner is important but remember kids did not ask that we be # 1 parents. we chose to have then therefore a partner will never need us the way our kids do.
although they may seem dence at times kids are some of the best judges of character. they do not know how cunning and cruel people can be so thier opinion if in the right circumstances can give you amazing insight to another adult. if they are young and do not like date ask them y thier answers may surprise you!
good luck
i hope this did a little good
but since you asked this ? it is obvious that you have only the best intentions i hope you find someone who feels the same

Answer 5

Because the new spouse doesn't really treat step children as their own. There also could be some resentment directed to the new spouse from your children.

Even when you're older. My Mom died when I was 23, a few years later my dad remarried. My step mother is taking everything that my Mom and dad has worked for and is giving it to her own family (sister, brother, nieces, nephews, parents.... buying property, businesses... ect. for them, putting younger ones through college). My dad was 52 when he remarried and I know that his children (I have 2 other siblings) will have no inheritace. A life time of work between my mom and dad will go to her leaching family.

Instead of giving my mom's wedding ring to my sister... she hocked it in a pawn shop. (it would have had a lot of sentimental value if kept in the family.)

Actually at first I was happy for my dad... thinking that he needed some companionship. All his kids were grown and I thought he was lonely. Over the years I've learned to resent it. I'm married and have 3 children of my own. Through this experience if I die or my wife... we will probably never marry again for the sake of our childern.

Answer 6

After I was divorced from my first wife, I met a woman that had a 4 year old snot-nosed little girl. I immediately had a rather special connection with her. Perhaps it was due to the shared condition of our noses. She is now 21 years old and although her mother and I broke up 5 years ago, I still talk to that snot-nosed little girl on the phone every day.

The mom ended up being just another pretty face; but the little girl was an extraordinary find. She was very athletic and extremely intelligent. She and I shared many playful moments over the years. She is currently fininshing up her final year of college -- which she attended on full academic scholarship. She was also a high school track star. She ran the 300 meter hurdles, which I introduced to her and trained her on for 4 years.

We still go out rollerblading together, and bike riding and jogging. She is currently the head track coach at her former high school even though she hasn't yet finished her senior year of college. In fact, I hung out with her two nights ago at one of her team's track meets and we had our typical fun time together.

Sometimes you open up a box of Cracker Jack and the little prize unexpectedly turns out to be much better than the popcorn and peanuts that you initially were after.

Answer 7

Kids are baggage. It often means the father is still somewhat in the picture and can indirectly dictate what goes on in his life.

Plus there is the reality that the man will never be #1 in her life. At best he'll share her love with the kids.

Plus alone time becomes difficult. You have to walk a fine line between acting as a guardian, yet not being the father.

It's just a real hassle. Plus NOTHING on the planet is more irritating than other people's children.

Answer 8

When a person has brought children into a relationship they have a tendency to go behind the spouses back and do favors and give money and help to their own. When found out the other sides children resent this and animosity and jealousy reigns. Treat the others as if they are your own which does not mean trying to replace their own "Mother" or "Father".

Answer 9

cyes sometimes it is hard because some men will not taker the responsibility for their own children so why would they take the responsibility for someone Else children,although there are men who will be responsible for the children but it is rare. Before you decide to marry you have to put your kids before that person he does not have to love them but he has to respect them because he loves you and they are a part of you and if that person doesn't like your kids leave that person alone your kids come first.Make it clear to your spouse that you love him and respect him but that he has to respect your kids.Have everyone involved in family a tivites and be part of each other hobbies because you are a family

Answer 10

No, it's not hard to "remarry"..but when children are involved it is rare to find a "well blended" his/hers/ours. I'm only speaking from family experience and people that I know. Children seem to be the hardest to adjust from this new situation and the parents can become stressed if there is resentment/animosity etc. It can be a win/win or a no win situation..you just never know how well things will go/adjust.