My man is a good father, a very caring person and fun to be with. He works for a constitution company and he makes pretty good money if he works full-time but in the winter he gets laid off. So I’ve been paying for everything rent, bills, food, and giving him $$ for cigarettes amongst other things because he doesn’t have any money. He hasn’t been able to find other work for the winter but finally this month he went back to work and I love him very much but he turns into such a jerk when he doesn’t get his way. For example, he’s asked me if I could help him pay off what he owes. I don’t mind helping him when he really needs it but the household comes first. So I get my paycheck and he immediately wants to pay his debts off. Things are really tight until he starts getting paid so we can get back on track with what we owe. So he freaks out on me saying that I promise to help him and he’s going to look like a jerk because he’s going back on his word. Then he doesn’t speak to me. Are you kidding me? Why do you have to make me feel bad just because I said no this time. What about our bills, rent, groceries, babysitter, car insurance, the fridge and washer that I’m still trying to pay off. I only get paid twice a month as a receptionist and I try to budget as best as I can. I would think that taking care of our children and home was more important. I’m so stressed about this!
2007-03-15 04:02:26 · 15 answers · asked by Baby J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I cant answer exactly why because im not in his mind but hes probably just as stressed as you are. the only reason he is worrying about his debts is because he wants to just give them the money and be done with it. try to remind him of all that you did while he didnt have a job and tell him about all of the other things you guys *as a couple* need to take care of especially since you have kids.
2007-03-15 04:12:00 · answer #1 · answered by ☮chargrilled☮ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to guess you are not married otherwise you wouldn't have separate debts. You say he is caring and a good father - how can this be when he gets angry when he doesn't get HIS way. Sounds like he cares about himself more than he cares about you and the kids.
He can't make you feel bad, btw. Only you can make yourself feel bad. He's selfish. Home and kids always come first. Offer to teach him how to budget his money so he has some during the winter months since he won't work elsewhere. Otherwise, do what you have been doing and quit feeling guilty - don't give him that much power of your thoughts.
2007-03-15 12:14:36 · answer #2 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not gonna want to hear this but he's being spoiled. You NEED to take care of the house first, food for the kids comes before any personal debt, tell him if he wants to pay them off that bad use his cigarette money to do it. Tell him to grow up and stop acting like a child, get another job that will help pay things off without taking food out of the kids mouth. A real man would have done this by now.
2007-03-15 11:12:42 · answer #3 · answered by sarah 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Money can make people crazy. You are doing the best you can do. Maybe he's upset because he has to ask you for the money and he's a man. Doesn't make him a horrible person, but his pride could be blinding him. Understand his feelings and let him know you understand, at the same time, let him know that if you don't pay the essentials, you won't have a place to live, or someone to take care of your child.
2007-03-15 11:07:52 · answer #4 · answered by treasureyourself 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let him make you feel bad. You're right. Bills, rent, groceries, babysitter, car insurance, etc do come first. It's not your fault that he put himself in debt for whatever purpose and owes people money. Your family should come first and if you don't have enough money to give him after making sure that your children are clothed, fed and have a good roof over their heads, then he'll just have to deal with it.
2007-03-15 11:07:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he can't support the household with construction work, he needs to change professions. The household has to come before his personal debts.
Can some of his skills be used in a factory or doing private work in someone's home?
If he isn't wiling to change jobs, then he needs to budget the money he has during the on-season so he has enough for the off-season.
This is not all your responsibility.
2007-03-15 11:06:50 · answer #6 · answered by Ask Aunt Amy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Then he needs to not run up such bills. How dare he do that and then blame you! Sounds like you are doing all you can. I'm sorry, but for him to just not work and lay that on you is wrong. Stand your ground......or move out. You and the child don't need the stress either.
2007-03-15 11:07:11 · answer #7 · answered by blondee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you find the right opportunity, to make him a nice dinner, and try to COMMUNICATE with him of those little things that are nagging you.
To him they may not be as important as to you.
Also, remember, women like to save things 'in advance' as women feel they need to fill up their safe. Men can be more spontenious, and just throw money out, and not think of too many details to pay - and if you said baby, even more important to save some money for some emergencies.
I think best is talk with him, try to see where you both stand in this little fun-lifestyle. You both have to pay, have to work, have to eat, drink, sleep, the same things together. Try to tell him 'come on, grow up darling, don't be so upset not talking to me' - and cheer him up with jokes and try to understand his insde worries.
good luck we all have things we worry about . Just talk talk talk, try to open him up. Men don't open up much, which is very annoying and i want to smash my own husband sometimes when he is in his own dreamworld expecting me to read his mind!
2007-03-15 11:09:19 · answer #8 · answered by Spark S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your family comes first, he needs to get a job when he is laid off or stop spending money he doesn't have, you were in the right telling him no. you got to do what you got to do if he doesn't understand i don't know what to tell ya
2007-03-15 11:08:50 · answer #9 · answered by jo m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont put up w/ it tell him he needs $$$ or he is scrued and if ha does ot get $$$ laeve him and yes i relize you love him but if you continue with this in the later years you both will be broke and have no jobs no home and you dont want that to happen and explain this to him dont just leave talk to him its the best thing for him
2007-03-15 11:13:58 · answer #10 · answered by vallan1015 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋