What would you do if you caught your husband looking at other womens profiles on MySpace?

Question

I went to the store the other night and when I got home I knew he was doing something that didnt seem quite right on the internet. When he went to bed I checked the browsing history and he had been looking for MILF's.... hmph. He lied to me about it at first and told me he just wanted to see how many people were on there with that name, but then I asked him why he had viewed their profile. He just replied with I dont know. Las night he appologized and he said he screwed up, but Im still pretty angry. So I guess my question is what would you do... and how would you react? I just want to know If It's normal for me to feel so angry.

Ive had problems with him looking at porn too, I told him I dont care if he looks at it when Im not home or if were apart, but if he can just walk in the other room and Im there then there is no need for it. And IM the one who wants to have sex more, and we do that at least once a day, sometimes 2 or 3. There is no reason for him to go looking for sex elsewhere. I just dont know what to do, I really dont think our marriage can be saved.

Answer 1

Could be just human curiosity. Accept his apology this time, but keep your eyes open.

Answer 2

I'd tell him I can understand him looking up people with the same last name out of curiosity but if he has other ideas on his mind about other women, we're definitely going to have us a problem. If he thinks I'm angry now, try screwing around on me cause he ain't seen nothing yet. I'd ask him exactly how much does his marriage mean to him and does he want to remain a married man? If so, he better not ever do anything to break that trust. This is his first and final warning.

Answer 3

If you still love him, your marriage can be saved. You have got to talk to him about seeing a therapist for this before it turns into a physical problem. Porn IS adultery and it is also an addiction, just like drugs or alcohol. What he's doing is the equivalent of putting a frog in a kettle of water, then slowly turning up the heat until it boils to death. He's started down a path where each little compromise will gradually increase until it becomes a full blown physical affair, unless the two of you are able to nip it in the bud NOW. Talk to him, let him know how it makes you feel, and remind him of his vows to be faithful ONLY TO YOU.

Answer 4

Lord I had this problem. And worse. I still do with the porn. Though it is not as bad. My old man and I will fight. He knows I will just go nuts on him.
So I made a profile at one of the dating sites he was a member of. I used his email address. Just to make a point. It made one alright! LOL He got all the emails I would have from guys looking to meet me. He didn't like that too well.
I'd say a taste of his own medicine worked!

Answer 5

Let's see, what do you want out of this? Are you looking for revenge? Go have an affair and throw it in his face! Of course you might then get some kind of incurable disease and all... Or are you trying to justify your feelings? Hey, get hurt, get angry, then choose to get over it! You are the only one that can truly control your own feelings. If you choose to be mad, you are! He may be telling you the truth about not knowing why he did such a thing, many men were never taught how to analyze their feelings or actions. I know this is the first time you caught him but has he done this before, is he likely to do it again? How long have you known him, how long have you been married? Do you want your marriage to succeed or fail? If you want it to succeed, I would suggest couples counseling, now!

Answer 6

Yes it is normal to feel so angry. Anger is when your hurt feelings are expressed while trying to not show weakness. We don't want to appear weak by showing hurt feelings...but in essence that is the root of the problem. Your feelings are hurt because your husband felt like he needed to look for companionship from the opposite sex from someone other than you. Ouch...that is going to hurt.
Can I suggest that if you are not a christian.....to seriously seek answers from the Bible. There are two ways to handle this.....with God and without God. When you are seeking the Creator about how to deal with the creation....including ourselves...He will help you out.
And there is nothing in the world like a group of christian sisters to help you pray through this. If you don't have this at your home church, this could be for several reasons. It may be because you leave as soon as the preacher says amen and dont' take the time to get to know someone...or it may be because you don't go at all.
Regardless of all this, I speak from experience. My husband did the same thing. It hurt my feelings so bad. I got mad at first, then after seeking God I realized I was hurt and all the fussing in the world wasn't going to change my husbands mind. Only God could....and He did.
God is so faithful. A week or two later my husband emailed me telling me he cancelled his myspace account with a brief desription why.
If there is something you are struggling with, just remember in God's word He said....No good thing will he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. and also...seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these thing will be added unto you.
Hang in there, pray, and sorry this post is so long....i am quite passionate about this subject.

OH AND BY THE WAY, DO NOT LISTEN TO THE LIES OF THE ENEMY...."IF YOU WERE DOING YOUR JOB HE WOULDN'T BE LOOKING". THAT IS A LIE. IF SOMEONE HAS A VICE, THEY HAVE A VICE(SIN). IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL OF YOUR HUSBANDS SIN/ACTIONS. DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF.

Answer 7

I can understand how frustrating it can be- the problem seems to be some people feel that this isn't cheating or being unfaithful. But it seems to me that if someone (spouse) has to hide the fact that they are looking up this stuff- then they are ultimately breaking trust.
My opinion would be to discuss this issue with him- not scream and yell- but really talk about how this made you feel; discuss feelings of distrust and insecurities. This might open his eyes some- showing him that even searching for others of the opposite sex CAN be wrong- when married.

Answer 8

Myspace is a relationship killer! lol kidding but I just had a fight with my boyfriend about the very same thing (ok he wasn't looking up MILFs) but he did have a Myspace page that he didn't tell me about and he did have a lot of women on there and I saw that he was checking out their profiles and their pictures. I won't go into what happened but my advice to you is accept his apology this time but keep an eye on him. He could've just been curious and wanted to look which is harmless, just make sure it doesn't go any farther than that.

Answer 9

Sure, it's normal for you to be angry, and you need to keep an eye on anything going on. At least he finally admitted to being on the site, but he failed to give an adequate reason for why he was there. Try adding some spice to your marriage, and then he won't have time to be looking for other women.

Answer 10

Out of curiosity, I looked up "MILF".
"Mothers I'd Like to F*%#"

Who knew?

Could be human curiosity and boredom. Just keep your eyes open b/c obviously, this is a sign that something is heading in the wrong direction and he may be contemplating cheating - or not. You'll know if you pay attention

Answer 11

It's very normal for you to be upset. I mean afterall, he's checking out other womens' bodies. It is a form of cheating no matter what anyone says. There is no reason for your husband to be looking at other women unless he has the desire to. It's human nature to look at other people, but it's another thing to pursue. You need to explain to him that it makes you feel less desireable when he does things like that. Your husband could very well be treading into dangerous territory. He should be careful what he is looking for because he just might find it. Thank you and may GOD bless.