How do we keep my husband's daughter from being like her mom?

Question

My hubby's ex is a real piece of trash. She has a jaded sexual history, won't keep a job, is very promiscuous, bankrupt (twice), and has terrible reputation in the small town where she lives. She has not really done anything to have their child taken from her. We do not want his child to be like her. But we all know the old saying, the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree. The mother is always plotting things against me and my husband. Very bad things. Like paying someone to go to his boss and claim they are having an affair. My hubby is a police officer and they take things like infidelity very seriously. She is a true dead beat. We need to protect our family. What should we do?

Answer 1

"How do we keep my husband's daughter from being like her mom?"

"But we all know the old saying, the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree. "

How old is this kid? You sound like a small-minded witch. I feel sorry for your step-daughter.

Answer 2

Don't give up on her. She can become a wonderful girl and many children overcome their past. Don't trash talk her mom though, that is her mom and she loves her. Tell her instead about all the things she can be, positive encouragement can do a lot for her. Set a good example, show her what a good marriage can be. Show her how good in can be to hold a steady job. Everyone says don't let your kids see you fight, but they need to see positive conflict resolution, so they can know how. If she can see both sides of the fence, she will eventually come to a place in her life where she can choose what kind of a person she wants to be. Try to keep contact with her mom to a minimum while keeping contact with his daughter as high as possible. Step-parenting is never easy, keep your head up and think about what you do is teaching her.

Answer 3

Be sweet , loving and don't say anything bad about her mother to her or anyone that might tell her something about her mother. The only thing you can do is set a good example for her most kids are smart enough to know who makes them feel good and who makes them feel bad and will follow the good feeling over the bad. Let the ex knock herself out being nasty as long as you come back being as sweet as you can be back to her you will always be the winner and you will be the biggest winner in your step-daughters eyes. The fruit can fall as far from the tree as it wants to be it is your job to make her want to. But if she has to protect her mother from people talking badly about her she will, make sure she does not have to protect her from you and your husband you guy's make sure she knows you think her mother is a wonderful person even if you choke on every word.

Answer 4

It's not clear whether you're more concerned about the child or about yourself and your husband. These are different issues. Please clarify to yourself what you're really concerned about. Keep in mind that you volunteered to marry this man knowing that he had an ex-wife and a child. This child has had no choice in having any of you as parents or stepparents.

As far as the child goes, the best and only thing you can do is to be the world's best dad and stepmom. Welcome the child, help with homework, attend the child's school and extracurricular events, get to know her friends, be friendly and accepting. Be careful to NOT rag on his/her mom in the child's presence. Listen to the child, and try to help him/her with the problems she must face living with such an unstable mother. Don't worry so much about the child being like the mother; instead, focus on helping him/her be the best person s/he can be.

Answer 5

I'm afraid if there was any legal way hubby would have already done it. The only thing to do is wait for her to screw up," no pun intended". then jump on her again "no pun intended" don't let anything she does slide, keep a calender and Mark on it ever time she's late with the girl, won't let him see her, etc.
Tell you hubby from me I had the same worries about my son's and their mother, god don't let me get started but his ex is armature night compared to mine. She got custody, but you know what as long as the both of you make her feel like that's her home to and it's safe and secure, she'll remember, mine did, their now 16 an 17 guess who they live with? Me.
They both make me proud that they knew right from wrong and chose accordingly. They still love their mother and I would never do anything to change that, but my home was their lighthouse, and yes they do remember what happened growing up.

Hope this helps

Answer 6

Your husband being a police officer should have plenty of support and know how. Depending on the age of the child now, if she is a teenager then she is probably effected my her mothers behavior already. If she is very young then see about getting custody of the child and or more visitation rights like getting her for the whole summer when out of school.

Answer 7

Pray for her, love her, and provide a good example for her to follow. Sadly, if she's not in your custody, you don't have a say in the way she's being raised.

My mom was very promiscuous when I was growing up. I had 6 step-fathers, and between each of them, there seemed to be a revolving door for men on our house. Every time she married, it meant moving to another house, and every time she divorced, it meant moving again. It made me determined to have a STABLE, loving family when I grew up, so I chose to follow my father's example even though I didn't get to spend much time with him while growing up. (My mom moved us too far away for him to have me & my sister every other weekend like he was supposed to, so we only got to see him 2-3 times a year.) She married for the last time the year after I married my husband. That marriage lasted 20 years, and he passed away due to illness. She is now saved, has been forgiven, and is not the person she was when I was growing up. Thank God - it's never too late. The same is possible for your step-daughter.

Answer 8

When you married him you got the whole deal. That's called baggage. It's good he is a police officer though. Do you want to take her under your wing and be a good example for her? Because I don't see what other choice you have to make. Be as nice to his daughter as you can and remember she has to put up with her mother too. So take that into consideration when she bothers you. I hope she's not any trouble though. Good luck.

Answer 9

hes a cop he knows what to do see an attorney protect urself against her the daughter might NOT turn out like her mom she has his genes too u know besides kids are not stupid shes alot wiser than u think keep the communication open between u and her if possible sounds like this kid needs a friend just let her know in ur home there are boundaries and rules and stick to em kids are good at putting one parent against the other

Answer 10

whatever you do don't talk bad about her around the child.Listen,the best way to show the child how not to be is to show her the opposite of what she's seeing.If she sees the chaos her mothers life brings and she sees the peacefulness her dads life brings she will then have a choice to make and all you can do is hope she chooses the better but at least make sure she has choices and then let her use her choices.

Answer 11

Show her love and support and don't bad mouth her mother. Her father may be able to get away with talking bad about her but YOU certainly can't. Try to encourage her to get involved in things she likes. Encourage good behavior and try to treat her like an equal (to the extent that you can of course seeing how she is a minor) and talk to her. That is the most important thing. Keep talking to her, if she doesn't want to talk...don't push it but always be there if she wants to talk to you.