Hey Check this song we wrote?

Question

How much do u give it outta 5 stars?


I thought its gonne be okey
and u were with me untill end of that day
i belive in our relationship and i pray.
dont leave me alone dont plz stay
with me this night untill next day.
i love u so much but its hard to say.
you never get my love (and now is our last day)
how can i forget that night
we were lying in grass side by side.
i never forget when we 1st met u give me a smile that i chould never forget.
"nick is it okey???" its da last word u say.
and i replyed"yeah dear it is..dont worry"but that was lie.
i love u so much...and i dont want to hurt u dear....but i know soon u will die
i was crying inside but i promsied u that i'll never cry....
my tear is out of control now....i just wanna to say u that love u dear bye
and than that happend that i never thought it to be u in bed lie forver.
u closed ur eyes....forever
now im missing u.....im sitting alone here...and crying.
plz come back to me and make me smile again...

Answer 1

2 stars. One point off for spell check, one point off for lack of meter, and one point off for grammatically disjointed sentences that are hurting the rhythm.

You have an idea that will work, but it needs setup and surprise. Chins up and work on cleaning that up just a bit.

I wrote a song on Monday. Here it is. Feel the difference in rhythm. Each stanza in this (except the chorus line) has a line that is the same number of syllables:

Now That I’m Ready For Love - lyrics

Another year wiser, another year older
Another day empty, another night colder
Another squandered opportunity
But now that I’m ready for love, no one’s ready for me

I sift through these streets, filled with aimless dancers
In calm desperation, still searching for answers
Leaves green and inviting, new rings on the tree
But now that I’m ready for love, no one’s ready for me

Young maidens sense some hot wave of emergency
They marry and mate in a false sense of urgency
As the hurried home crumbles, the fingers point blames
And all hold back burned hearts as they re-alter names
Never considering a cause holding true
That someone like me could want someone like you
That someone like me could need someone like you
That someone like me could love someone like you

INSTRUMENTAL BRIDGE

Another year wiser, another year older
Another day empty, another night colder
Another squandered opportunity
But now that you’re ready for love, are you ready for me?
Ready for me?
Really ready for me?
Now that you’re ready for love, are you ready for me....

Laughing Dolphin lyrics - aka Your Uncle Dodge

Answer 2

3 *

Answer 3

I would give it all 5 stars it is good depending on the rhythm you listien to

Answer 4

hard to read with all your shorthand... but it's sad. 3/5

Answer 5

I have been writing songs for years and was a singer too, your style of writing is too rhymey if you get my drift.

Answer 6

good, but dont name toss ur own name

Answer 7

Try another one.