Is it really a celebration?

Question

Long term married couples who've endured horrible things in their relationship: ie. one constantly cheated through their marriage or one was very abusive to the other but calmed down after their 42nd wedding anniversary...is their marriage anniversaries really something to be celebrated compared to those of us who've left our abusive spouses or compulsive cheatin spouse? My parents have been married over 42 yrs. My dad was physically abusive to us 5 kids while raising us "to keep us in line". ie.kicked my bro for over 10min for leaving his bike outside in the rain when he was 5, forced us sisters to watch the beating so we wouldn't make the same mistake. Hard lesson in "take care of ur things". My sisters & I have had to grab my dad off my bro's to keep him from injuring them to the pt of hospital. None of us got broken bones from him, just bruises, welts, red marks, "goose egg" lumps from being hit by objects...he was also very nice to us when he was in a good mood. We'd get 13+ 4cmas

Great birthdays! My dad was a loving caring dad most of the time. Just had to "walk on egg shells" a lot. Made me into a very nervous child/adult. I find men who act like my dad only beating me instead of our kids. I've had 3 divorces due to domestic violence. My dad never hit my mom! Only us kids. I'm over the abuse, forgiven him & my mom for ignoring it. But one thing I can't get over is their bragging of how long they've been married compared to my divorces. They ask me all the time "why do you get with these kinds of men"? And they tell me mean things like "you must be doing something to make them beat you". I got beat in my marriages for STUPID reasons! ie dinner not hot enough 1stX, I bathed b4 his shower 3rdX, my son (6yrat time) wanted to sleep w/us he was scared 2ndX! The last two x were jailed for DV against me & our kids. I'd get hit if they didn't like the"tone of my voice". I resent my mom 4 saying this stuff.My dad is mean to her, she doesn't provoke him! She stays, i dnt

Answer 1

Wow!

There is no cause for celebration..........sounds like a big travesty to me.

I'd rather have a few divorces under my belt too, as opposed to living with an abusive azzhole. And no, we do not always see someone's true colors until the "I do's" are said, but there are well documented warning signs for potential abuse. You can find these on-line, or call a domestic violence center. They can give you information, free of charge.

If you need to talk to someone to get past the abuse in your life, a domestic violence center can also steer you in the right direction, often free of charge.

I wish you the best. We are all sons and daughters of God. He brought us to our families to learn to love one another. It is very sad when we are taught fear instead.

Answer 2

I'm also a victim of abuse, and I know what "goose egg" is cause I had one on my for-head and was in the hospital for it.

If your parents stayed married, it's up to them to celebrate their anniversary, and you do NOT have to go if you don't want to. They may get mad, hurt, whatever, but don't worry about how they will feel, worry about how YOU will feel. If you aren't happy, and wish it wouldn't happen, don't go.

I hope you are getting help, or have gotten help. My life was a mess until I started seeing someone two years ago. I haven't forgotten all the things that happened to me, but I don't dwell on it and it doesn't eat at my heart and soul, and I know longer believe it was my fault.

Answer 3

I am so very sorry to hear of your pain! I mean that. Your mother was wrong for allowing her kids to be beat like this! No I do not think I would be involved with this stupid celebration at all!
I was married to a jerk like this. He destroyed my relationships with my 3 older kids. I do how ever now have a relationship with my oldest daughter now.
But the jerk is now in a wheel chair dyeing. Now that's a celebration!

Answer 4

No. Your mother I am sorry to say is as bad as your father for allowing him to hurt her children. What's to celebrate?