I love my husband but im not inlove with him anymore?

Question

Well i've really tried hard, my husband and i broke up several times even before we got married he would just call his parents and they would come and pick him up leaving me in all the hurt, wel the hurt turned into anger and after 3 years i decided i'm gonna go and meet new people, since im always left at home alone with our son and i saw a whole new world of meeting people that care and want you to be happy. We recently split up and i took him back again hoping it would work but after all this time and issues between us i just cant seem to get myself to just kiss him spontaneously i feel dead inside- like his sister

Answer 1

Let him go this time. He is who he is and there's nothing you can do to change him...just like you cannot change how you feel about him.

Answer 2

I think you should think about your child. You shouldn't have had a child if your relationship wasn't stable. You should talk to each other and make some decisions about your relationship and your child. It can only be solved if the two of you are in the same place. Where did you see this whole new world of people that care and want you to be happy? You're dreaming. Marriage is not a bed of roses and fun. It's commitment and hard work for two people to stay together for years. It's give and take. You can work out your problems, if you both commit to it. You obviously ,at one time ,had no problem kissing him.

Answer 3

It sounds as if his actions have killed the love you once had for him, but are you SURE it can't be revived? It would take a lot of work from the TWO of you, but sometimes a relationship is worth it, sometimes it is not. You both need to decide if you want to work on it and then take the appropriate steps to do so. Go to counseling, start acting in love (leave notes in his jacket or lunchbox, give him a back massage at night or rub his feet after a hard day). My mom once told me that the way they were raised you never had an option to "run home to mommy" so that you knew you needed to stay where you were and work on it. Marraige is the hardest job you'll ever have but it can have the best benefits. It sounds as if you husband gives up at the slightest hint of work (disagreement) and runs home to mommy. He needs to grow up and face up to the problems you two have and work on them or give up on the marriage. Good luck to you two and may God Bless you.

Answer 4

I understand what your going through. I was married 37 years to a man that was no good at demonstrating his love. I left him many times during the first 20 years and even though nothing had changed I would go back. I loved him and wanted our marriage to work. The last time I left him I spent the time I was gone to figure out what my values were, because I did not feel in love with him anymore.

What worked for me was realizing that marriage is like other things, there is that honeymoon period where things are new and exciting, but that can not go on forever. The love I felt for my husband was not exciting anymore, but I had a child and our love had not died. Love is something that you can grow and become comfortable with. I began telling him many times a day that I loved him. I began living my life as though he were a very important part of it in my mind and in my heart. I began to pray for myself, my son, my husband, and us as a family. We became a family and he became my best friend. He developed a brain tumor five years ago and died in November, 2002. I miss him and do not regret one moment that I spent with him. My son is 36 years old and I know that I did what was right for him by staying with his Dad.

I pray that you will work your feelings out and make the right decisions for your life. The vows that we make to one another in marriage are not easy and that is why we make them. Marriage is hard work sometimes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

It sounds like you two should never have gotten married in the first place...things don't sound like they were ever stable or really healthy.

I think it would benefit all of you for you two to divorce because you don't want your child to pay for your failing marriage. Kids see alot more than people give them credit for. Rather than splitting up all of the time and going out to meet new people you need to make a final, clean break and move on...

Answer 6

Til death do us part does not mean "Until I don't feel like being married anymore" Marriage is a serious commitment, are you really ready to let yours go so easily? Have you tried absolutely everything to make it work? You should both attend couple's counseling. Trust me if you are willing to throw in the towel this easily with this one, you will have the same problem with husband #2, 3, 4 and so on...

Answer 7

Thats because you two have not worked on your problems, he leaves with mommy and Daddy and you go out and meet people. You should have the grandparents come pick up their grandson and you two stay home and work on your problems. You seem a little too willing to throw your marriage out the door. You owe it to yourselves and your child to work on your marriage. If you really do the work and still want to call it quits well that is a different story.

Answer 8

I would move on. Same thing happened with me and my ex. It seemed like we were staying together for the sake of the kids. We didn't argue or fight, there was just no more spark. We are both happier now and are really good friends. Someone once told me that its better for a child to be from a broken home than to live in one.

Answer 9

Marriages do not just fall into the ditch of dissatisfaction; rather they begin a relatively slow decline that picks up speed as things get worse. There are four warning signs of a deteriorating relationship:
1. Criticism
2. Contempt
3. Defensiveness
4. Stonewalling

Criticism involves attacking another’s personality or character. This is different from complaining, which is more of an expression of dissatisfaction and an indirect attack. Criticism on the other hand is a direct attack or blow to the self-esteem and goes something like this: “You’re the most irresponsible person I’ve ever met”. Neither behavior is very constructive or conducive to long-term relationships.

Contempt is the intention to insult or psychologically abuse one’s partner. When spouses feel contempt for each other, they hurl insults and call each other names.

Contempt also includes the use of sarcastic humor and mockery, and generally making hurtful fun of a partner. (Gottman 1994) identified contemptuous body language, primarily involving facial expressions. Sighing heavily, sneering, rolling one’s eyes, and pulling at our curling the upper lip all communicate contempt or disgust.

Defensiveness is the natural response to criticism and contempt. The problem with defensiveness is each person begins to see themselves as right and their partner as the problem. Defensive behaviors include denying responsibility, making excuses, cross-complaining, automatically disagreeing, and accusing the accuser of the same behavior. There are two ways to be defensive, one is to react passively and ignore the criticism and contempt as the mere rantings and ravings of a lunatic, not worthy of an active response. The other way is to become the aggressor and attack the criticizing partner with angry words and accusations.

Defensiveness is a sure sign of deterioration in a relationship.

Stonewalling usually occurs when relationships characterized by criticism; contempt and defensiveness have escalated to a hopeless stage. It is giving up on trying to communicate or work things out. One partner usually checks out emotionally and more or less is just buying time until the relationship is officially over.

Medical doctors make a commitment to the idea of “First, do no harm.” That means that they are committed to doing nothing to the patient that will make things worse. In order to take a relationship from the brink of destruction back to harmony you must first agree as a couple to do no harm to each other or the relationship. Don’t make things worse than they already are. And it takes a commitment from both parties in order to begin the mending process.

Humility is essential to the repair process. Humility is not a popular word in our culture because we associate it with shame, lack of assertiveness, and co-dependency. We have come to equate humility with the loss of individual pride and self-esteem. Humility in reality is just the process of dealing with your own issues and correct your own attitudes instead of trying to change or fix your partner.

If you are concentrating on your partner’s problems, you are unavailable to concentrate on your own. We tend to focus on what we see, and when we highlight the shortcomings in a relationship we become demeaning and judgmental and we miss the beauty and value that attracted us to our partner in the first place.

· First do no harm
· Be willing to communicate
· Respect yourself
· Respect your partner
· Practice humility
· Practice love
· Practice trust

Answer 10

If you want to work it out, the only thing that will help is really good marriage counseling, but it sounds to me like it's over. It's time to move on and start a new life that will make you happy.

Answer 11

You knew all these things even before you married him and still you married him.You have gotten what you wanted because you already knew what to expect so I don't understand your sense of confusion.You sound mad at him when you should be mad at your self for marrying who he is,knowing you didn't like him for who he is.People have a right to be themselves and not have to change for others if they choose not to.You have to realize that people are who they are and who they show themselves to be and if you find some ones personality not comfortable to you then you remove you from the situation don't expect that people will change for what you consider the better.