if you and your boyfriend were not in any way ready to have a child so you are on birth control, but you got?

Question

pregnant anyway, how many of you would have an abortion? by the way, i'm 20 and he's 23, we are just not ready financially and we don't really want the responsibility of a kid! please don't give answers like well then you don't belong having sex...not an option!!! hense my being on birth control (and making sure to take it right).

Answer 1

I got pregnant while on the pill as well, but luckily I am older and already have a child so it was a big deal, but not as bad. I personally could never have an abortion. It's not a normal and healthy thing to do. I always worry that people who have had it done may not be able to have children when they want them because it could do damage. I don't know. There are so many people out there who want a family. I would look into adoption. It would be hard though because this is your first child and you will be amazed at how attached you get to it while you are pregnant.

If you do decide on abortion, please do it as early as possible. The heart beats at 6 weeks! It also starts to look like a real baby as early as 8-10 weeks. You need to make your decision very quickly... Also, make sure that you can emotionally handle your decision, it will affect you for the rest of your life, no matter what you do. Good luck sweetie!

I also wanted to add that my doctor explained it to me like this: sometimes your body can be recovering from an illness or something that causes a hormonal change. When this happens, the birth control pill can actually act to correct the hormonal imbalance and make it the perfect conditions for you to get pregnant. Um, I never knew that, but now I do! I took mine faithfully and got pregnant. It happens more than you would know. You should use two forms of birth control from here on. Nothing is guaranteed....

Answer 2

If you are at all religious or believe in God, you could look at it as meant to be. There isn't much else to tell you. I'm sorry you're having a rough time with this. Just know a lot of people who are a lot younger than you have successfully raised a child. Think long and hard. Don't do something that you'll regret later on in life. What if y'all go on to get married and have other kids? Will you always wonder about the child you aborted?

You seem responsible, because you used birth control. But with that comes the responsibility of knowing that its not 100%, hence the suggested use of two methods of birth control. Sometimes we learn lessons the hard way. I got pregnant on birth control. I had been on antibiotics and forgot that it reduces the effectiveness of the pill. Oh well. What's done is done. Were we quite ready for another child yet? Not so much, but we're thrilled now. Best of luck to the both of you.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

You may not be financially ready, but once you realize that you have another human growing inside of you that you are nourshing and that is thriving off you, you won't want an abortion. Your 20 years old, you're old enough to have a child and you'll be able to take care of it more than you think. Once you see that baby on a sonogram it makes it even more real and you'll be excited. Having a baby is a wonderful and life changing experience. There are MANY MANY couples out there who cannot have children. You should count yourself lucky!! VERY VERY lucky!! I wouldn't have an abortion. You may regret it later when you actually plan to have children. You should really really think about this before you make any decisions. After having that child you will feel the most powerful love you've ever felt in your entire life!! I didn't plan my son, my boyfriend and I weren't together long when I got pregnant and I wouldn't change anything!! I cried watching him get a shot because I knew there was nothing I could do to make the pain stop. I never thought I'd feel that much love and compassion for somebody!! I love him more and more everyday!! Good Luck

Answer 5

What a heartwrenching decision! I'll tell you something my mom told me when I was a teen complaining about the double standards between boys and girls. She said, "Honey, when you see a young girl out in public with a big pregnant tummy, you are going to presume some things about her. Everyone will. Then when you see that boy who got her pregnant, you will have no presumptions about him, he's still an anonymous guy. But those two did the exact same thing. But it's only the girl who pays the price for the decision. Life is a double standard."
That talk made me realize that I only wanted to have sex with someone I could have a child with, because ultimately LIFE (the biological kind) will try to go on, birth control or not. Pregnancy is the risk you take with sex, just accept that fact. My husband is a urologist, and he tells patients to use birth control for 3 months after a vascectomy even, until it is known for sure that they are coming up with an absolute zero sperm count. Then you are INfertile, birth control just makes you SUBfertile.

My college roommate and my sister-in-law both had open adoptions where they met with the adoptive parents during pregnancy so they knew that their children were going to be raised in good homes by people who desperately want the experience of parenthood. The open adoption process helps in a situation where you know that you aren't ready to be a parent, but you do not want the feeling of abandoning your baby. My college roommate even had her biological daughter as a flowergirl at her wedding when she was 11 years old. Other people are better off with closed adoptions, for their own psychological welfare, to feel like they've closed a book on this chapter of their life.

I think that one thing that is never talked about much in the choice vs. life debate is emotional trauma that abortion can bring. Sometimes it's a lifelong regret. Even Jane Roe (the lady who's case made abortions legal) is now a huge Pro-Life proponent. Honestly, I have heard of people who regret giving up their babies for adoption rather than keeping them, but I have NEVER heard of anyone who chose adoption wishing that they had chosen abortion instead.

Answer 6

I think you will end up regretting having an abortion just because you didn't feel like you were ready to have a baby. I don't want to offend you if you don't believe this but don't you think it's kinda weird that you are on birth control and still got pregnant? That makes me think that this happened for a reason, and not just for you to get an abortion, I know women who have gotten abortions and have regretted it for the rest of their lives and when they actually had children couldn't stop thinking about how they killed their first child and how old would they be today? What would they look like? I think it would be very sad if you had an abortion. So no I wouldnt have one, I would really think it must have happened for a reason.

Answer 7

While the choice is yours to make, keep in mind you will have to live with it for the rest of your life, no matter what you chose.

In this situation, you can go in 3 directions:

1: Have the kid, keep it, and raise it with or without help.

2: Give the kid up for adoption.

3: Get an abortion.

If you cannot keep the child, but you cannot deal with the fact that you will be terminating your pregnancy, therefore ending a life before it starts (I am not calling it murder, and I think I never will), adoption would be the better choice.

However, the idea of rejecting a child and giving a piece of you to strangers may not be appealing, and maybe abortion seems more rational, the kid has no brain activity, and well, it is not aware of anything. If it dies now, it will have known nothing.

Its not a simple decision, and you should talk it over with your boyfriend, and maybe your family. They may offer help that will allow you to keep the child and give it a good life.

Answer 8

I had an abortion at 19. Now I am pregnant at the age of 23.... We have been together about a year....it was not planned... I decided to not have another abortion because I feel really bad about it still all these years later..... sure it was the easy way out for me but the regret stays with you.... I am 5 months now and my relationship has ups and downs and all this drama.... we aren't ready.... but I still feel like I made the right decision....I have thought about adoption but its my baby.... I made it..... Its my job to take care of it.... there are so many women that can't have children and I try to think about them.... I feel selfish for having an abortion.... What a waste.... Who knows what will happen with my boyfriend??? I don't... I don't know if he will always be there to help..... I found an inner strength within myself and I know that I am doing the right thing and that it will be hard.... I accept my fate and look forward to all the moments and memories that lie ahead whether they are good and bad I will have a family... My child and I will always be family.....

Answer 9

I was 20 when I got pregnant with my first son. Abortion was never an option for me. I made it, even though the father left when my son was 6 months old. My son is now almost 8 years old and i am soooo glad I had him. He's the best thing that ever happened to me!!! There are so many places for young parents to go and get help.
And if keeping the baby is not an option for you, why not consider adoption??? So many loving and caring couples can't have children of their own, and are longing for a child to love and care for for the rest of it's life. With an open adoption you even get to choose and meet the adoptive parents. Your child didn't choose to come in this world. Wouldn't you want to do what's best for him?? I think you should give him a chance.

Answer 10

I'm 18. My boyfriend is 20. I was on birth control and took it religiously, every day at the same time, for six months. I'm 3 months pregnant anyway. No, I didn't abort, and I'm not going to. I wouldn't criticise you if you did, because I understand how frustrating it is when your birth control doesn't work, and how scary it is not to be in control of what's going on in your body. But I saw my baby on ultrasound yesterday, and at just 12 weeks he or she was already kicking and flipping...a real live itty-bitty person, my own accidental miracle. Maybe earlier the baby isn't so active and baby-looking...but I know I could never have an abortion this late, knowing what the fetus looks like and how it moves on its own. Good luck, I'm glad to hear you were using birth control (although it's obviously not 100%), and I hope you make a decision that YOU are happy with!