o.k, go ahead and trash me?

Question

yeah whatever, I'm insecure, and who isn't? (or maybe just smart)
Anyway, my husband is a resturant general manager, and has hired a 21 year old blonde (not the first time) to be his second in command. I'm sick of being a 30 year old woman who is pregnant and with 2 kids, and feeling like I have to compete constantly! These issues keep coming up over, and over. Instead of respecting my feelings, he keeps doing the same thing. He never invites me into work, unless these girls are not there. Maybe because of my jealousy, I don't know.
However, I find myself unable to deal with his job, is this means for divorce? Or do I swallow what is left of my pride for the kids?

Answer 1

I don't know a whole lot about the restaurant business but I did work in a bunch when I was younger. The GM's were usually the proper and responsible ones. It did seem like there was a lot of inuendo and improper behaviour going on. I don't know what to say because I'm not there unfortunately. It does get hard after you become a mother. You feel like you have lost your own identity. I would just go there and bring the kids. Why do you have to be invited? It's free or discounted food for you guys, right? I also would start doing things that make YOU happy. Get a life of your own so that he sees that you don't depend on him and don't need him to make you happy. Honestly, if he's going to cheat, he's going to cheat. There is nothing you can do about it. You can only do something after it has happened. Usually you can trust your instincts though. I hope it works out! Good luck!

Answer 2

you do sound insecure honey but you probably have good reason. If you think something is going on it probably is. The restaurant business is a meat market, excuse the pun, I've worked in the business for 30 years and alot goes on. I don't blame you for not being able to deal with his job. If you want to stay with this guy, stop fussing over him. Find something you like to do for yourself, turn the tables on him. Start making him wonder what your doing. Stop worrying about what he's doing because in actuality you can't stop it, if he is fooling around. You can't make people do what you want them to do, all we can do is to take care of ourselves. When you take care of yourself you will automatically become a happier person, a more attentive mother , and maybe a little mysterious to your husband, which most men love. It doesn't hurt to try. Walking around with a smile on your face is much better than always being sad and jealous. Personally I wouldn't give the jerk the satisfaction of knowing I think someone might be interested in him. Take away his power and become the queen you are meant to be. Good Luck!

Answer 3

I certainly wouldn't "swallow what's left" and I wouldn't demand he not hire these girls. But, I would sit him down, in a non confrontational way, and tell him how you feel. Don't let him interrupt, and just be honest. If you can't do that, write it in a letter and then when he is done reading him, tell him you want to discuss it. You may even need just a little marriage counseling to help him understand your feelings. Jealousy will eat a person up inside and it pushes the spouse away. Communication by both parties is the key to a successful relationship.

Answer 4

Based on your information, it does seem that your husband may have issues. You, however, have to decide what is best for YOU! First of all, would you be able to support yourself, and your children after a divorce? Second, if he received custody of the kids, would you be able to deal with that? There are obviously many other questions in this matter, but the bottom line is - You must take care of your own personal welfare. You will not do your kids any good if you are not happy with yourself.

Answer 5

I'm not going to trash you but I think you are somewhat jealous because you never mention anything imho that would be a reason for divorce.
Hiring somebody younger then you is not equal to cheating!

Answer 6

I feel your pain. If there are no other details regarding his behavior, I would give him the benefit of the doubt. I understand about prego women and their emotions at this stage. Don't get worked up. I do think it is a little strange that he doesn't want you to come to work when you want to. I think you and he ought to sit down and let him know about your heartfelt concerns and go to counseling together. If he doesn't want to go. Go alone. I can tell this is really tearing you up. G/L

Answer 7

i find this a bit weird though, why would you be jealous on your husband colleague? did you have any incidents with him the past? I'm 21 year old and i work as a PA for a 30+ year old GM and i spend days and nights with him at work i hope his wife won't cause him any probs bcz of this... Work is work, not any 21 year old working as an assistant to the GM is a reason to divorce!!!

Answer 8

Sounds like another Mr. I want my cake and want to eat it too.

You can leave if you are up to being able to handle yourself and the kids without him around.

If you can't then you have to find a way to deal with this. There are alot of women that have to put up with this kind of behavior because they can't make a life for themselves.

Its your choice - is your life better with him or without him?

And how much is your self respect and integrity worth?

Answer 9

Whose idea was it to have 2 kids and become pregnant again? Was it his idea, your idea or do you both want this many children?

Do you want to work and have him stay at home with the children?

Do you have a good reason to be jealous? Has he fooled around with young women in the past? Is your husband a player?

What is he doing or what has he done to make you so jealous?

Answer 10

Your insecure but alot of women would feel threatened as you you should go to work and surprise him i don't understand why he would want to hire a woman instead of a man it seems like he wants the best of both worlds. If it were me i would go and make sure these women knew that you were his wife.