My husband and I have been having a long term debate. He is 31and I am 31 as well. We have been together for 5 years. The debate is as follows: He feels as though that if he meets a female that is interesting that he should be able to get a phone number and talk to this women as he pleases. He can talk about life, sex, whatever he wants, as long as he doesn't cross the line (having sex). I feel as though you don't have to have sex to be considered an affair and it is inappropriate and disrespectful to do this. He say men are men and this is what they do. I say not. So I need alot of replies from all the husbands on how you feel about this. Please include your age.
2007-03-15 02:00:57 · 28 answers · asked by BB 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am married and I am 30. I think he is trying to trick you into words.
According to me being friendly with female colleagues and friends is very normal and a healthy approach. But asking for phone numbers and discussing sex is a bit like "hitting under the belt" for me or crossing the thin line.
I do not approve of the crap he is talking and would advise you to take this situation seriously and sit peacefully and sort it out. After all there is nothisng that cannot be worked out in a marriage
2007-03-15 02:06:52 · answer #1 · answered by ashley 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he already has done it and is just trying to bring it out in the open so he can feel better about his EMOTIONAL affair. I'm 51 - had all brothers and "some of my best friends are guys" ( LOL) so - along with my female intuition - I think he has been there - done that! Watch it when the guy starts making new "rules" - they don't want to feel guilty so they try to re-arrange the playing field in their favor. I've seen this happen so many times before - I can't even count them - I hate to say it but I would see how he likes you doing the same thing. If you decide to play by his new rules - don't be shy - go to the line he drew and WALK ON IT - see what he thinks - if he is a jerk and already gone - you haven't LOST anything valuable - and you deserve better. Good Luck - I hope I'm wrong...
2007-03-15 15:40:33 · answer #2 · answered by sweetlady1155 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 42 and 5 1/2 years into my second marriage. The only time I discuss my sex life with other women is in my wife's presence. She participates in the discussion. I do not have female friends that I ever see or talk to privately. He has more on his mind than conversation. The two of you should be talking about sex and life together. If you can't the marriage is most likely doomed.
2007-03-15 09:41:52 · answer #3 · answered by bugs280 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a husband, but from a wife's point of view, I personally think this is emotionally cheating, and not only that, but he is giving his most personal attention to some other woman with no regard as to how this makes you feel. I could probably write a book on this, but instead, I've given you a web site called Marriage Builders. I frequent this web site and my husband and I use the questionnaires and talk about the "love busters" and emotional needs often. It has helped me realize what a good marriage is supposed to be because honestly, I've been divorced twice and I never had a father, so I've made many mistakes that I do not wish to repeat.
Good Luck!
2007-03-15 09:12:00 · answer #4 · answered by bina64davis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I think it's completely inappropriate for a MARRIED man to get a woman's phone number. I mean a husband should be talking to his wife about all of the above issues Not some other woman. It just is wrong. It's an unnessary stumbling block. You never know what could happen next. Affairs start out like that. Innocent at first. Emotions take over and frankly as human beings we fall short and then its happened.
I'm telling you it is totally wrong.
2007-03-15 09:09:18 · answer #5 · answered by bigdaddy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi BB,
How would he feel if I were to begin calling and talking with you nat all hours? He would probably NOT be happy, would he?? My wife and I are both 50. We married 31 years ago, have three wonderful children, and one grandchild. GOD certainly blessed me with her. She is the light of my life and I would NEVER do such a thing to her. That is adulterous according to what is found in the Bible. We became Christians over twenty years ago and two of our children are also Christians as well as our daughter-in-law. The Church is a wonderful place to begin studying and repairing your marriage before it is too late. I will suggest a Non-denominational Church in your area if you email me. Read, study, and obey GOD's WORD and you both will be much better off in the future. Have a great day. I hope that you are able to get a good number of responses to this question.
Eds, Christian
2007-03-15 09:18:34 · answer #6 · answered by Eds 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 62 and have done a bit of marriage counseling during my forty years of clinical practice. You are entirely correct; his behavior is inappropriate and disrespectful. A minority of men behave this way. You need to ask yourself why you would put up with that? You may be better off without this shallow, self-centered jerk - but only you can make that decision. Hint: he will NOT change. He will simply try harder to conceal the behavior from you. There was a song not long ago that sums it up: There Must Be Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover.
2007-03-15 09:08:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
He is flirting with a bad thing if he cant talk to you he is really in trouble you both must be open and have full open communication to have full marriage that means you talk about everything .You are to be his soul mate along with you to him .
Erosion is slow quite and you do not see till it can not be fixed with out a great cost .
Talk with him and do not allow it and if he says you could have a male Friend for the same turn him down !get around some people you can really trust as couples and talk things out and have him and you find true male to male Friend and you a women to women to hold each other accountable .
best wishes 44 24yrs married
2007-03-15 09:37:30 · answer #8 · answered by Duck / Deer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a divorced male who as been remarried for the last five years. I am 45. It is my belief that there is no reason for a man to be talking about sex and life and relationship with any other woman but his wife. Getting phone numbers and carrying on a "relationship" with another women is cheating. All the energy spent with this other "relationship" should be expended on the one you are married to. I look forward to discussions of life and sex with my wife. He needs to look within the relationship with you and determine why it is not sufficient to have these discussions with you.
2007-03-15 09:09:55 · answer #9 · answered by Devdude 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't call talking to another woman an affair, even if it happens frequently. However if his phone calls are while he is at home with you, then she is detracting from your time together, and that is another story.
I suggest that you tell him to invite the women over to your house (when you are there) for dinner and games (cards, board games, etc). If he is too ashamed to have the same discussions when you are there, he shouldn't be having them when you aren't.
I am 33, married 6 years, together 13.
2007-03-15 09:44:44 · answer #10 · answered by Martin Pedersen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋