Just found out I am preg with my second, can't help but be jealous for my first. Help!!?

Question

My son will be 19 months when the second is born. I am freaking out because he gets so much love, affection, and attention and I am jealous for him. I feel a little resentful towards the new baby becasue it will take away from my first. I am becoming obsessed thinking about how I can make it easier for my first. How have you dealt with second children, making both children feel equally imprtant? Did you feel nervous about making your first not an only child anymore? (We are happy about baby #2, just sad for baby #1!)

Answer 1

I know how you feel, when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I constantly worried that my son would resent her & couldn't imagine loving someone half as much as I love my son.
When I told my son he would be having a baby sister he was happy & couldn't wait for her to arrive.
I did expect him to feel totally different when she finally did arrive, because of her taking up alot of my time.
But when she did arrive everything just sort of worked it self out, I instantly fell in love with her the same way as I love my son, & my son instantly fell in love with his sister aswell.
I got him to help with her, feeding & holding her & always made sure I had time for him aswell.

They are now 7 & 4, they think the world of each other & are like best friends

As long as you try to divide your time equally & make sure your son never feels left out, I'm sure everything will be fine.

Answer 2

I felt exactly the same way with my first two kids! My oldest daughter was 21 months old when my second one was born and I felt like I was doing something horrible to her by taking all that attention and focus off of her! I also wondered how on earth I would love another baby as much as I loved my first. I just had to keep reminding myself that I was actually doing something good for my first baby by giving her a sibling. We also tried really hard to include her in the preparations for the new baby and focused on her new role as a big sister. She was so young when #2 was born that she really doesn't remember feeling displaced or what it was like to be the only child.

Your son will be able to read your emotions a bit, so make sure that you are excited and happy about the baby when you talk with him about it. Let him help you pick out baby things and talk about names. Finding out the gender sometimes helps the older child start relating to the baby, but I know some people like to keep it a surprise! After the new baby comes, make sure you spend some time alone with your oldest son and have someone else take care of the baby. Be prepared for a bit of sibling rivalry, but try not to read into everything. Just because you are feeling nervous and sad doesn't mean that he will, so try to follow his cues!

Good luck with everything! It will work out in the long run. What you're feeling is normal. You, your husband and your son will all adjust to baby #2 and love it more than you could ever imagine!!

Answer 3

Hello! The good thing is, you have lots of time before your new baby is born to adjust to the idea of having two. My oldest son was 3 1/2 when my 2nd was born, so it was easy to explain what was happening to him. He was very understanding (surprisingly, I think he's wise beyond his years). As my belly grew, my oldest son would hug my belly and say "I love you, baby. You are my best friend". When my new son was born, Carson simply couldn't wait to see him, and I find that it's fun to spend time and play with both of them. The new baby will sleep so much anyway in the beginning that you can still shower your oldest with love and playtime. Once your new baby is awake more, you can have him/her on your lap while you play with your oldest. Now my new baby is almost 8 months old, and he sits on his own. So we all play together. It really wasn't a hard adjustment. Just let your oldest know that no matter what, you always love him in his own special way, and he is the first. Tell him that you wouldn't have known how to be such a good mommy to the new baby if it wasn't for him. All will be well, and don't worry :) You're family will be a nice even 4, and your kids will have eachother to play with. Good luck!

Answer 4

I wouldent worrie about It Just Get baby Number 1 into the whole thing..Tell them they are going to have a little brother or a little sister and let the new baby be Involved with the ultra sounds and Stuff..My sister just had Her Second Baby A 2 Weeks After Her Little Girls Second Birthday..My Neice is Takeing Haveing a New sister really well and did the whole time my sister was carrieing the new baby because they got her involved In the whole Thing and now she is'nt jelouse At all she wants to Hold her new little sister and play with her and everything..They also brought her One of her Own Babies when my sister went into The hospital so she could have her own baby..

Answer 5

A good friend of mine had her second child when her first child was barely over a yr old. She involved him as much as possible he helped getting diapers and such and when the baby slept which is as we know MOST of the time all her attention was on him. Now that her 2nd is 6 months old she's is pregnant with her 3rd {lol}

I had my children 13yrs 1 month and 15 days apart so I didnt have to deal with jealousy issues but my godchildren are close in age and their mom always made sure that they were involved in caring for the baby as much as was reasonable

Answer 6

Don't be sad, just involve baby #1 as much as possible - a mother of 12 (my great gran) once told me many years ago that you as a mother, grows a new separate heart for each child. Yes in the beginning the novelty will be new and sparkling, but as soon as that wears off you can start being a full fledged family of four! Enjoy and stopped feeling guilty!!

Answer 7

Don't ever feel sad, you are blessed with a 2nd child. My two are only 18mths apart.. The first will be jealous, but for only a while. Be positive and teach the 1st to respect his little sister or brother, they will be inseparable as they grow older. The first will teach the little one what to do, Yes they may fight but that's what little kids do sometimes... Be happy... I wish you luck and good times with both of them...

Answer 8

i felt the same when i was preg with number 2, she was 26 mths old then, its rough at first as she may feel jealous, but she will b greatful that u have given her a sibling, try and share your love the best u can, ive now got a 10yr, 8yr, 3yr, and a 3mth old, its damn hard for me now, but i try my hardest, you will do it, good luck, the joy u have now with one baby, will be doubled when u have 2 children,

Answer 9

Hi i am a mum of one and i too am scared of havin anotha for the exact same reason.its good to kno im not the only one.