My husband finds me unattractive, what should I do?

Question

My husband and I have been together for seven years and married for two. We have worked very hard and now have a home to be pround of and a full life to look forward to together- you'd think!
I find that I am constantly reinforcing the good times we have to look forward to and being supportive to him. He on the other hand, regularly tells me where he feels my shortfalls lie including today the fact that I am not as attractive as I could be....but that's okay because he sees my potential if I visit the gym regularly.
I am a size 10 (6 US I think) and although I admit I am not the most toned I seems to get a lot of attention elsewhere.
I love my husband and he is very supportive of my career education ect but I find the constant criticsm very difficult and my self-esteem is crumbling. Is this love?
I cry a lot and don't know what to do or whom to speak to. I am scared of speaking to family & friends as I dont know how to handle it myself. Please help!!!

He's not affectionate or verbally comforting/giving. I get attention from other men outside of the home and I had men swooning after me before we met. A lot of our friends girls eat like birds and have a complex about their body image. I enjoy food but eat healthy. Should I comply and become the perfect....size, shape, look? Is that what is expected of women? Most women would be delighted to be my size. Have we lost the purpose of love and what it means to give love and be loved?

Before you start telling me- I am fat!! I have a 27" waist, wear a size small have a naturally large bust and fairly long legs! Still I am a size UK10/US6 not an 8/4.

Answer 1

if you say you look good and other men look at you all the time, then your husband is a jerk! were you thinner when you two met or what? is he a model to critize you the way he does? my hubby pushes me to exercise because to be honest i kinda let myself go (10+/- pounds) and he wants me to look good so i can feel good with myself. sure, sometimes he doesnt come up with the right words and it hurt my feelings but i get back to him by saying he is not a stick either and the argument stops there. for some reason he wants to make you feel insecure about yourself, don't let him. if you want to exercise, do it for yourself but not for him! and if he keeps bugging you, the next time you two go out wear something really sexy so he can see all the attention you will get from other men!

Answer 2

Hey Monic, before i write further, i want you to take this at face value, BEING ATTRACTIVE HAS MUCH TO DO WITH YOUR CHARACTER AND NOTHING OR LITTLE TO DO WITH YOUR LOOKS.
I do understand what's like being criticize and your self-esteem tampered with. but you can prove your husband wrong, forget about the looks and concentrate on your character. How do you respond to these criticism?? how you respond to it goes a long way to determine to your husband whether you're attractive or not.

Men love to be celebrated. Celebrate your husband and he'll forget about the gym and what you look like. Be sweet, nice, loving, respectful/submissive, caring etc. All these will turn you into a sexy and attractive woman your husband needs.

You constantly reinforcing the good times isn't something you should be feeling bad about. That's what marriage is, it requires hard work to keep it happy. If you give up then it crumbles, it doesn't matter who's putting in more effort. If you truly love your husband then you'll do everything without complaining to keep and make him happy.

Every marriage has problems even the most happy ones. The problem is that people aren't responsible enough to solve the problems they have created by being together. Monic, in marriage you don't only need the right person, you should also be the right person yourself. Its Love if your husband is telling you what he wants. that's keeping the communication line open. Plz, jump in and respond positively.

All the best!

Answer 3

Yes visit the gym but also get a make over if need be and buy some new attractive clothes that he likes you in and wear them for him. Get a nice new hairstyle as well. Become his dream queen and make sure he cannot take his eyes off of you. Yes he loves you even though he is being a little harsh. Continue working out and make sure that you look good and stunning for him and if you do not wear makeup maybe this would help you some too. You both may need marriage counselilng as well if need be. You definitley need to work on your self esteem issues too. Good luck to you and here comes lots of hugs your way today.

Answer 4

If he is not being nasty about it, you may want to look in a mirror and see if what he says is true. Have you changed much over the last two years? This is really a common problem with both the man and wife after getting married. Seems all the things they did to "catch" their mate are no longer necessary. At least he is letting you know how he feels. I find it strange that couples who get divorced both start going to the gym, increase their grooming habits and generally do the things that could have saved their marriage in the first place.

Answer 5

A us 6 is very small because my wife is an 8 and she looks great. If he keeps it up just tell him to f u c k off and go find another man.

Answer 6

The best thing to do is Talk with him, there is something he might be holding in not He has not told you.
I'm not saying he has someone else, but there might be something deeper. a Lot of times men at work brag about their wives and maybe he might not be getting that with you..
I don't know, there could be a lot of underlying issues you need to talk about with him.

It's never truly about the look, it always something more, maybe he feels left out of something or not getting fulfilled in the Man role of the house..

You just need to talk with him and find out what really is bothering him..

Good luck

Answer 7

I think you are fine the way you are. A 6 is not big by any means. It sounds to me that you husband is insecure so he makes himself feel better by making you feel bad. That is not love. If you want to save your marriage, I would suggest counseling for you both, separately and together. It may not be worth saving if he treats you in such a manner but that is your call to make.

TO MSMJAYAM ABOVE: YOU ARE A NUT BAG. WHERE ARE YOU GETTING YOUR INFO? WHAT ABOUT THE MEN THAT LOSE THEIR HAIR, GROW BEER BELLIES, FART, BURP, DONT BRUSH THEIR TEETH? MY HUSBAND AND I ARE AS ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER TODAY AS WE WERE WHEN DATING. YOU CANNOT FAKE REAL ATTRACTION.

Answer 8

I hate to break it to you, but that is not love...that is emotional abuse....do not let him insensitive and controlling behavior crumble your self esteem...tell him to stop talking to you that way and if he continues, either go to counseling or send him packing...good luck

Answer 9

It's because you ARE unattractive. Most women after getting married looses the act to make them look pretty. They just don't care. They put on weight, they wear drabby clothes at home, they don't do make up and they are makimg more unattractive whenever they open their mouths to NAG.

Not to worry.. You are not the only one.. 90% of all maried women become unattractive to their husbands eyes after 2 years of marriage.

Answer 10

Stand up for yourself!!! Tell him to back off of you, and that he is to treat you with kindness and respect, and that he is hurting your feelings. If he continues the emotional abuse, leave him..divorce.