Mum, Don't make me leave!?

Question

My friends daughter is 16 and going out with a 24yr old who has began to control her life and is always letting her down also pressured her to sleep with him after wich she cried for nearly a week when her mum talks to her she just says I love him and dont make me choose! we are all worried sick any advice plse.?xx

Answer 1

Now its not as hes 24 hes like this.


its as he is a total jerk as hes like this.


A 16 year old who was like this would also be a total jerk


And a 16, 17 or 24 year old who was nice would be nice.


And if you think fellow 16 or 17 year olds wont be pressurising her into sex you need to get back on planet earth

Problem is girls that age tend to go for dick heads.

Many of the girls when I was that age did, and the the dick heads age had nothing to do with it.

She is also over the age of concent.


I have met plent with this age difference who have been very happy and snuggly and in love so tackle this from a guys a **** angle.


Ie You can have a word with dick head and point out that she is very young and therfore he should not be pressurising her to do anything she does not want.


If he does then you may mention it around whats hes like to 16 year olds.

Won't be so popular then.

Now did she actually sleep with him?

You need to be clearer,


In a decent relationship (oh and by they way most loose virgintity 15-17) shes should be all over the moon the day after they wnet all the way and want to meet up again ASAp and all kissy paw paw all the time.

The fact she cried means he was an ashole.

Maybe you should get all her mates involved to point out hes a total **** or better still get her mates to get other guys interested in her. And get them to help break up the unhappy couple.

Nobody should be controling over anyone (unless playing tie up games with fluffy handcuffs and thats only for long term couples)

Probklem is shits like him give older guys the bad name.


Most are not like that.

Problem is shes convinced he loves her and its all her fault.

Well so do battered wives.


Maybe you should get somone big to have a word with him.


However it could be he does not reslise what hes doing to her.


so friendly chat first... ie you are hurting her... back off and treat her right or next talk aint so friendly

Answer 2

Oh dear this is so hard. She is so young, she is besotted with this guy and has not had enough life experience to know a loser when she sees one. Coming from experience be there for her for when it all goes wrong because it will. I think you will have to let her make her own mistakes, its such a hard thing to say but we were 16 year old girls once that knew best! Realising her own mistakes will help her to develop into a much stronger person. I totally regret getting together 'with the man i loved' at 17 and i went through some s**t, but today i can sit back and say I'm glad i went through that because if i didn't i wouldn't be the strong person i am today. I didn't have anybody to turn to because i didn't let anybody know what i was going through, my mum would go mad if she knew

I ask you just to be there and help her the best you can

All the best.

Answer 3

Describe to her the difference. She DOESN'T love him the way she thinks she does. Tell her that the kind of love she is talking about requires time, and commitment and she has neither. Tell her that if he loved her the way she lvoes him, he wouldn't have pressured her to do something she didn't feel comfortable with. I thought I loved my first boyfriend and he did the same to me, and now I realize that I was too immature to know what love was back then, and I wish I had someone as great as you to try and help mw out, but I had to figure this all out for myself. If she doesn't listen, just tell her that she will soon find out what you are talking about, you are just trying to help out. A 24 year old has no right pressuring a 16 year old to do anything. Good Luck with the advice, hope it helps. P.s. u sound like a wonderful friend to help her out.

Answer 4

i was this sixteen year old only i am now 22 so i have long got over him but the chances are that your daughter loves him because you hate him keep him close keep your eye on him be friendly get your daughter on the pill and give her plenty of condoms! keep her safe if you stop her from seeing him she will only want him more if you let her do as she want she will realise he is a **** and find some one her own age who will not control her. be there for her when he hurts her and love her and when she is ready she will choose you just don't force any thing.
if she want's to spend time with him encourage her to bring him to your home then you can control him make sure you don't push her away even thought she dosent know it yet she needs you

Answer 5

Wow this guy sound like a regular SoB but trying to stop her from seeing this guy will in the end only push her more firmly into his arms you friend needs to let her daughter know that whatever happens she will support her decision

tell her that shes not happy because she oesnt think this guy is good enough for her doent think that hes making her happy enough but if hes what she wants then her mom will stand by her

The hard thing about bieng a mother is haveing to watch your kids make stupid mistakes and picking up the pieces afterwards because every time your kid gets their heart broken yours breaks too but if your friend wants the opportunity to be there when it does all fall down which it will then she needs to be very careful putting pressure on her daughter is as i said gonna push her away putting rumours around about the guy will also come back on her the pressured her into having sex he didnt force it on her unfortunatly with a good lawyer thats a big difference

Try to introduce her to guys her own age without bieng obvious take her out invite her girlfriends to come along too

And the hardest bit of all try to make a show of getting to know this bloke shes so in love with if hes in your house you can keep an eye on what hes doing soon hell get fed up of playing happy families

See if you can rent one of those electronic babies for a week for her tell her that now shes sexually active she needs to experiance the consequesnces first hand but DONT babysit for her so if she wants to go out with this guy she has to take the baby with her

Answer 6

First of all, I hate to say it, but ANY 24 year old who is dating a 16 year old not only has issues, but is after her for something other then love and commitment. The difference in maturity between a 24 year old and a 16 year old is crazy, and I can't say I am the least bit suprised about this.

I think, that if I was her mom, I would get a restraining order on him and threaten to charge him with stat rape if he came near my daughter again.

Answer 7

There are several questions parents should know the answers to. When, where, who, what and why. I have two teenage daughters, 16 and 15. They do not go anywhere without me knowing the answers. Also I have to meet their friends and the friends parents. If I get bad vibes about either then my kids don't go. The world is not a safe place. And I agree with the others, if a grown man is fooling around with a minor, then charges should be filed. Your friend's daughter will be mad for awhile but will thank her mother when she is an adult.

Answer 8

Sounds like this kid has some deep desire to be needed and loved. I presume the home is a reasonably happy one - both parents etc?
Without telling her to dump the paedophile - 'cause that's what he is - get her to a damn good counsellor and look to the root of the problem. Remember, don't mention the a**hole at all. It's an emergency - she'll run away from home if they're not careful. I also agree with the advise to spread the word (discreetly) that the guys a paedophile. Learn where he works and drop some anonymous notes around - to his boss???
This case needs subversive tactics, not strong-arming.
Good luck

Answer 9

Perhaps someone should talk with her and ask her what he does for her that she considers love. Then ask her what he does to her that makes her sad. Let her know that love is a two way street and if he does things that upset her, then that's really not love. Make her understand that to be truly in love, they both have to do anything to make the other person happy. Anything less and it's not love and her own self worth will be diminished if she doesn't get out of it soon.
Then I would have a serious talk with the boyfriend and tell him flat out, that if he ever tries to control or abuse her in anyway, legal action will follow.
You really can't forbid the relationship, she will just turn to him and will be out of your grasp. Make the best of it and make sure that he understands that his every move is being watched. Keep talking to her and follow through with legal action when it deems necessary.

Answer 10

first of all its illegal, and he can go to jail. so let her and him know if they do not stop seeing each other what will happen. I mean if things would be good and he showed her respect and love then I wouldnt take it to that extent...but being he is treating her like that.. I say take it to the police. When i was 16 I was dating a 25 yr old.. but he respected me very much and never forced me to do anything. she needs love and support at this time, don't just tell her not do something and be mad because she will find the way to do and things might even get worst... good luck