I love one person and married other for the sake of my parents. I prefered parents when i had to choose between them and my lover. I am married for 2 years now but i still love my lover more than my husband. I live abroad so i hardly meet my parents for whom i had to ***** my lover. He is now in a bad condition for me and he still loves me. As i still love him than my husband, i am having a second thought to join him. But in a dilemma to break my marriage and hurt two families for the sake of my love. Its getting difficult to live with my husband as i often remind about my love. I am confused to what to choose , should i choose husband and thus happiness of two families (but i have to pay my love and happiness) or should i choose my love then i have to pay the happiness of husband and families. Can anyone resolve my problem and give me a good advice.
2007-03-15 00:13:57 · 24 answers · asked by thinksrationally 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband and lover both love me . But according to me my husband is more like caring , i feel him as a good caring person but not as a lover . My lover is the kind of person i dreamed as my partner. If i was dating with each, i would prefer my lover but its a marriage. True that i am a coward to take my further step. I feel i would do same injustice to my husband now as i did to my lover if i leave him now. If i have to think more about husband, parents and society, i have to continue with mu husband and leave lover to his fate( His parents now dont talk to him knowing about this. He is alone now without parents and me.) If i have to think about my happiness, i have to goback to my lover. This is a killing dilemma to choose others happiness or my happiness. Unfortunately.
2007-03-15 01:27:46 · update #1
follow your heart and never your parents will/wish, b/c if your miserable your useful to no one..
2007-03-15 00:16:51 · answer #1 · answered by m34tba11 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Marriage is something any two people can do and for any reason, you don't have to be in love for marriage, you just have to have a piece of paper that is signed and you are married. No love has to be involved at all. That's simple. Love is harder and I bet you even got it wrong, for so many people do and that is the reason why we have such a high divorce rate. Love is the wanting to be with someone for the rest of your life, not because something happened between the sheets, but because of all the things that happen before the sheets. A lot of couples wouldn't be if it wasn't for what went on between the sheets and that is the wrong reason to get married all together. It's about enjoying life together, finding the same things enjoyable and supporting each other through whatever comes your way. If someone doesn't want to die alone let him get himself a dog. The dog will get more attention than you will and wont' feel trapped by being somewhere you don't want to be and with someone who is slowly draining the life out of you by not having any life of his own.
2016-03-28 23:45:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not have to choose... You should love your wife that you are married to. Why in the world did you marry for other then love just to please your parents???? This is not a good thing at all. You should have married the person that you love because you are the one that has to live with them and spend the rest of your life with them. You will need counseling and help now and you will have to learn to fall in love with your husband. This will be very hard for you to do as it will not come naturally. I think you also need to talk with your parents and let them know how you are feeling as well. I feel bad for you and my heart goes out to you.
2007-03-15 00:54:07 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Come on lady...
1.U should have stood up for the man u loved u didnt and u married some one else..
2.Now when u have gotten married...because of your parents women respect that relationship be happy ur man cares for u..
3.Do u think hubby deserves to be betrayed just cause ur lvl of lust is high?
4.Be thankful of what u have...many ppl dont even have that.
5.Leave ur past where it belongs dont mess more lives even further.
6.Ask ur lover to move on dont leave him in false hope.
2007-03-15 02:52:37 · answer #4 · answered by sunlight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rolel of Society is to be given prime importance and top priorty since we are social animals. Animals with natural instinct come together whereas human intellect is such a beauty, it loves and like everyone. Social custom and culture has kept both man and woman equal in this world. However, a choice is given to love anybody and like all. Love is a natural instinct and all loved ones cannnot be taken into betrothal ie., mariage. In your cadse you are lucky enough to be love by both the husband and lover/ You have to live with your husband and he is everything. Once you reach nearer and satisfy your love and the union with husband as a true wife keeps you in social status. You have to foregt the past and live the present state of union and begetting children and give them good education and make future citizens of your country.. .
2007-03-16 02:08:26 · answer #5 · answered by sr50kandala 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why marriage? lovers should live without marriage and have children. Marriage is confirmation for any one of them. creativity is a male slips after mating . Generally marriage is for woman not for a man. There is no responsibilities to ur lover and he would start think u r a second-hand bye and bye. Ask him he wanted to have a sex contact only. If u choose ur lover then u will not have a person to take care after age 50.
I am a analiser of human character.
stop thinking of ur lover
2007-03-15 05:00:46 · answer #6 · answered by romarishi r 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to ask yourself who out of the two is a better human being and genuinely loves and cares about you. If your husband is a really good man then you should give yourself more time and learn to value him for what he is instead of being blind to his good qualities because you're overpowered by a feeling called love for another man. Its not true that love happens only once, its only what we choose to believe. Don't muddle your head with melodrama(like family over lover and all that)..think rationally and then give space to your emotions.both are equally important,the imbalance is what usually creates trouble. Your parents love you anyways and if you genuinely feel your ex boyfriend is worth all the inconvenience and trouble then talk to your parents about it. But first of all give yourself more time to think over it, you don't want to make a mistake that you'll regret later.
best wishes, hope things get sorted and you're happy again.
2007-03-15 00:45:00 · answer #7 · answered by anushya s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is nice that you have a love. You betrayed him for your husband, that's a sin you have done. You beseached him for the sake of your parents. But what about your husband. Do you think he loves you, if yes, will he be able to live without you? Compare your love with your husband, and come to conclusion:
1. If your husband loves your more kick your love
2. if your love you think has more love than your husband kick your husband.
Note: Mind it if you leave your husband after knowing that he too loves you, then you will do another crime, you will rule the selfish way what your parents did of you. This time you will be bigger culprit because you will be hurting your parents, your husband. Also in this stage, your love might accept you but his family will never accept you.
2007-03-15 00:44:23 · answer #8 · answered by Dabs 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not easy , rather not possible to forget people u have met in life!
Especially those with whom u shared a special bond!
u DECIDED in all ur wisdom that ur love 4 parents was worth more .Now atleast stick to ur decisions and trust urself and ur decisions.
In all probability , 2 yrs may have changed ur EX.!
U still sound like u are concerned abt the two families.
That shud guide u to stick to ur decisions.
The reasons for ur marriage sound like ur beliefs n principles govern ur life , and u respect them a lot!
So stick by what u believe in .
Listen to ur self!
If u really really loved ur ex, u wud have felt stronger reasons to marry him in the first place!
And any decision u took , remember, was yours.
U chose ur parents over ur Ex.
So don't feel like a martyr!
ur not 'paying' (like u say) for anything!
If u feel ur Ex is in a bad condition , u can maybe sympathise with him.
But u don't need to feel guilty.
Because if he really felt that u were worth it, he wud not have let go of u!
He'll definitely find his destiny!Don't worry!
U seem to be a very caring person.
Always trust the decisions u have taken.
Maybe u need to do more things with ur husband and get to know him better.Get involved in a hobby.......focus on other pleasant n useful things, focus on urself!
Invest more time in ur present and ur future.
What is over is done with!
All the best !
2007-03-15 00:54:33 · answer #9 · answered by mari 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have followed your heart to begin with. Marraige is sacred, but nobody should suffer an entire lifetime because they made 1 bad decision. If you and your lover want to be together, then BE TOGETHER. You may hurt your husband and your family, but if they truly love you they will understand and they will want you to be happy.
2007-03-15 04:57:15 · answer #10 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once u have obeyed your parents and married and given happiness to two families. What did u get in return ? Are they even remotely grateful to u ?
Now u choose love and your happiness, u are lucky that your love is still waiting for u.
2007-03-15 01:05:36 · answer #11 · answered by wizard of the East 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋