I'd like to know why men think they need to be in control of things all the time. Especially the guys who are in denial of it. Our marriage is a 50/50, we both work hard at it. I hate it when if we're arguing, he tells me to shut up. I'm sorry, but I don't take commands from anyone. I'm hard headed, but damn, I'll stop talking when I choose to. If you dont like it, get out. So what gives a man the right to control the conversation? Even if they are wrong?!
2007-03-14 22:56:23 · 14 answers · asked by leafmistress 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I should rephrase the question to ask, What makes some people desire to control every situation? I get this way sometimes too. But never to the point where I disrespect someone. I say men because my husband is a big guy who doesn't understand his own strength or power. When he says anything, most people do it in fear of him. NOT ME. I hope this helps you understand my question better.
2007-03-14 23:33:18 · update #1
First of all let me explain that marriage isn't 50/50 it is more like a 60/40. Sometimes you give the 60 and sometimes he does and you both get a turn only giving 40. As far as him telling you to "shut up" that is just disrespectful. I don't blame you for being upset by it. You need to let him know when you aren't arguing that you don't appreciate being disrespected like that. My husband and I argue as well, but we have agreed not to be disrespectful when we argue. There is no name calling and no telling each other to shut up. We simply say, "Okay, I know you have a valid point to make, but right now I am unable to listen. Let's take a time out." We have agreed to this and when we use that sentence, we both stop talking and just take a few minutes to cool off. It may not work for you, but it sure beats thinking all men are control freaks.
2007-03-14 23:19:30 · answer #1 · answered by penelopejanepitstop 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just to let you know that not all men are like this. My husband is not a control freak at all... He is actually a good hearted and gentle man that spoils me rotten and i have to tell him to make up his mind and make decisions at times. He always wants me to make up his mind and i try not to do this so much. Our marriage is 50/50 like yours is and this is a good thing. Neither of us has to be boss. The man or woman who has to be control freaks need help and counseling to not be like that anymore. I think the reason they like to be in control is because they have low self esteem issues and somewhere when they were younger they were not allowed to have any control at all and this is why they over do it now. JMHO!
2007-03-15 00:40:15 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nothing. it's all about how they are brought up. it`s not all men or just men but most real, strong or hard-headed fathers(usually) are all about having the power. I don`t think anybody knows why except he`s the man and we`re the woman and thats how it is,how it has been, and in they`re eyes how it will allways be. Now my realationship is different than most but he still tries to be the big man in the end, when people are around. When it`s just me and him and we`re not fighting he totally will meet on common grounds with me but, it also took 10 years and lots of fighting like man to man fist fight, i got your back before your boys got it, in the club, or on the street, or at your ******* mommas house it don`t matter. it takes straight love, trust, devotion, pain, happiness,sorrow,and devistation. it takes like you being a part of him and him being a part of you, like without each other your *******, completly lost but, together your ******* unstoppable. no one or nothing can ever damage that bond you allready have made. so to the "why are men so controlling?" question nobody knows not even them, but if they are worth the torment you`ll totally let them get away with it as along as they are not being dissrespectfull, it makes them feel good, boosts they`re ego and you feel good for making them feel big. love and realationships are all about giving where you can and taking what u need. do something to make him feel big in front of the guys and he`ll do something to make you look, or sound, or feel good, in front of the girls. it`s a give and take kind of game. it`s all about how much you love and trust first, and if you got that, all you have to remember is this one word and everything will manage to work out if it`s meant to be: compromise
and that`s on everything i love. my old man, my kids, my skin, if it`s meant to be ****`ll find a way to make it work. if not, if **** falls off, **** it wasn`t worth it. pick up the peices and throw em away, or try to start again, it depends on how you really felt before you got to the point of nothing. you know it depends. if you do find a man that don`t try to control you from the get, i`d be worried cause all real men have that **** embedded in they`re mind-frame. how they think life is soupposed to be, it`s called testosterone, as long as they have an understanding of when it`s okay and when it`s dissrespectfull your all good. however it is your job as a human being and a woman to let them know when that is.
it all depends on how much you will tolerate as a person,not how come he`s like this. how are you, what can you take or do you call love or dissrespectfull, it depends on your veiws and his
2007-03-15 00:39:18 · answer #3 · answered by misskaylamarie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men think they are the head of the household, head honchos. king of the universe, rulers of the land...etc. They never take out time to realize that standing next to every great man is a great woman. If a man told me to shut up I would do it but best believe he'll be begging to hear my voice again cuz IO wouldn't talk to him for a long time.
2007-03-14 23:05:49 · answer #4 · answered by sexy_n_chicago 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously men don't control everything, and you just proved it.
Women want a guy to be in control when they want something done, but if he wants control they feel "Who does he think he is".
I am not saying he should be in control, but I am saying that most women do control things.
2007-03-14 23:03:51 · answer #5 · answered by Nort 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you totally i am outspoken and if my husband don't like what i have to say after he gets my blood pressure up then to bad he is gonna hear it.The way i figure it is that he is not my daddy or my momma and i am grown and i know right from wrong.
2007-03-14 23:04:08 · answer #6 · answered by Mary O 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm, my partner isn't like that. To be frank, your husband is a jerk and you don't seem to be very much of a conversationalist or very good at communicating yourself. It's not all men or all women. It's you two.
2007-03-14 23:01:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
nothing....and when he tells you to shut up...walk away..most men hate the silent treatment
2007-03-14 23:02:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because, most of the time, you let us be Wise up.
2007-03-14 23:01:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
nasty little sweeping generalisation...
like saying all women whine and complain!!!
some of us see a relationship as a partnership...
2007-03-14 23:22:17 · answer #10 · answered by Forlorn Hope - returned 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋