Well, I love my girlfriend, but she is unwilling to make our relationship public, what do I do?
2007-03-14 22:33:01 · 24 answers · asked by Love Thy Enemy 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Sorry, I realise I didn't explain myself before, thank you to all the peple who answered, you're all really kind.
What I mean is that she's openly gay, just not openly with me. It scares me as I can't help but feel that it means that she's ashamed of me. I can't help but worry, she's already been asked out by someone else, she turned them down flat but... I just don't want to lose her. And I don't want to push her into something she doesn't want to do...
2007-03-15 06:34:29 · update #1
She may not be as confident with her sexuality as she make out you know...she might have suffered with alot of insults and predjudice in the past and may not want you to suffer in that respect.
i think you should just leave her to it and give her as much time as she need but then again talk to her about this but don turn it into an argument.
2007-03-22 10:16:51 · answer #1 · answered by To put it bluntly... 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Respect her wishes. If you love her then you wouldn't want her to do anything she didn't feel comfortable with, right? I know it can be hard when one partner is more willing to be open about the relationship than the other, but you can't force her as she obviously doesn't feel ready. I don't know the exact circumstances but if this is one of her first relationships she may still be finding it hard to come to terms with her sexuality. Why don't you talk to her & ask her what her reasons are & explain how it makes you feel if you two are in hiding. She is probably just afraid of what people will think. If you talk through it with her in a calm way & don't pressure her then I reckon she'll agree to make your relationship public if you just give her a bit more time to get used to the idea. Good luck. My partner & I are now openly gay but it hasn't been an easy process for either of us. We were so used to hiding that it almost became a habit but in the end we both mutually agreed that we had to "come out" & not live a life of shame anymore. Some people deal with this process faster than others.
2007-03-15 08:52:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well first of all it depends on how long the two of you have been together... maybe she feels like it's to soon to go public... Nothing wrong with that, I have hetero friends too who wait until they have been together for more than a year before going totally public.
Second thing to consider is the "environment" (wrong word I know, but I think you will understand what I'm trying to say)... where do you live? I live in Belgium and here we have all kinds of laws to prevent discrimination which makes life easier... Maybe she is afraid to lose her job or her apartment...
And finally what do you mean with "public"... doesn't anybody know? Does her family and friends know she his gay or is she still very tight in the closet?
All I can say is, be patient with her. You love each other that's all ready a very happy thing. But if you see this secretiveness of her as an obstacle for you, then I think you should talk to her. Find out why she doesn't want anyone to know... she might have a very good reason to do so... But maybe you'll have to make a very difficult decision...
I wish you a very bright future together!
2007-03-15 06:05:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
It is hard when one party is not ready to be made public. It may also depend on the location. If you are in the center of San Francisco, NYC, or Chicago then I am at a loss for words. It may be her personal issue.
If you are in the southern states or somewhere homosexuality is not accepted it may be an issue of personal safety.
Either way I hope things work out for you.
2007-03-15 05:38:46 · answer #4 · answered by The Gay Argentian Seal 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The truth is that you are not going to be able to change her. She is probably a person who thinks that her business is her business. You need to talk to her about it and find out what she is feeling. If you can't get beyond this, than you may need to move on. You have to look at what is more important for you,
2007-03-21 23:10:49 · answer #5 · answered by Michael B 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i can relate with her in some aspects, i'm in my first gay relationship and we have lived together for a year, although all of our friends and family know, i still find it hard sometimes to show her affection in front of strangers, someone suggested moving to brighton bit extreme lol but we went there for a long weekend and it was great we could walk down street holding hands kiss in front of people and just generally be a couple it made me come out of myself a bit more (no pun intended lol)
2007-03-20 13:16:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be patient with her, she's obviously unsecure. Keep loving her and in time i'm sure she will become confident enough to let the world know.
Or move to Brighton where i live, there are so many gay and lesbian couples here it would be hard not to come out.
2007-03-15 05:38:39 · answer #7 · answered by SilverSurfer 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
dont try to make her seethings your way all at once, continue
to talk with her. and try to respect her wishes and reasons for
why she dont want your relationship public. at least you still ha
ve eachother, and thats important. in time she may come aro
und to your way of thinking. continue to let her know how important it is to you in how you feel about her, you, and yall re
lationship.
2007-03-15 09:38:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why does it matter so much? Accept that she has her reasons and leave it at that. My girlfriend of 10 years STILL hasn't made our relationship public either - and it really hasn't affected my life in any way.
2007-03-15 05:38:30 · answer #9 · answered by Angelpaws 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If she isnt willing to be seen with you in public then tell her you dont want to be seen with her in private either!
She is not taking this relationship as seriously as you and you need to let her know.
2007-03-15 13:57:32 · answer #10 · answered by Lady Claire - Hates Bigotry 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋