i have a friend that i am really worried about, her partner recently walked out on her and her 2 kids?

Question

she is really struggling to cope at moment and has started drinking, she picks her kids up from school and has already had a drink, i have spoken to her and am worried that she will end up losing the kids as her behaviour is a bit erratic, the kids are running ringsaround her and she is not coping, i do have the kids over to give her a break and they are good for me but she is not giving them any stability at the moment, just any suggestions would help, i tried to get her to the doctor but she wont go i just want to help her through this and see her come out the other side, thanks

Answer 1

This sort of irresponsibility can get worse... she may crash the car with the kids inside... she could kill herself and / or the kids...
It is against the law to be drunk in charge of minors...
She may only wake-up to reality when something really bad happens, & by then it may be too late...
Yes, she needs friends & family, but most of all she needs to accept her drinking is a problem...
I fear she will sweep aside all your valid concerns with excuses EG. I only drink when the kids aren't there, I don't drink a lot...
(probably none true!)
It is a very sad situation- she feels LONELY so she is trying to find a friend in a bottle. No such thing.
I've been in your shoes, I feel very sorry for you & her
but the only answer, if she refuses to stop drinking whilst looking after the kids, is to report her to the social services.
Hard, but they are the only people who can step in & maybe give her the shock she needs to jolt her back into reality.

That said, your friend also probably needs the help of an active local support group. Try parentline (& gingerbread - if they still exist), to get contact ideas.

She can get over her ex, if she wants to, without destroying her life...
she is obviously depressed, so maybe she also needs to develop alternative strategies for getting a healthy social life...

I wish you & your friend the very best (she is lucky to have you as a friend who cares...)

Answer 2

you sound like a terrific friend..how long has this been going on? if only a few weeks maybe she will come out of it..has she always had a drink problem? its very hard to know how this will turn out because it depends on her history. when my ex left me years ago with two kids, some of my friends worried that i drank too much, but i wasnt drinking in the day or anything just when i went out.

my friends helped me enormously by listening and filling my life with busyness... we took the kids out for picnics, went out for tea or just to the park etc...it filled my time, made me feel like i had a life and support and gradually i got better. and once a week i would go out with the girls and forget all my problems.

i think you just need to be there, include her in you life still, invite them over for tea etc so she doesnt feel so alone. tell her how worried you are and how much the kids need her right now, id she a reader, you could get some info or a book on divorce and how kids are affected, she will probably read these and wake up to the kids needs. like i said though if this is only very recent, just give her a little time, most people pull through in the end, and she will love you for your support.

Answer 3

It Sounds to me like she has no self esteem or self worth.
A lot of people both men and women feel like its the end and they cant cope with life after a partner leaves and as we know everyone can.
As for helping her, Not a lot you can do really just what you are doing.
We just need to know that we are still alive, and that life still has so much to offer.
Kids are a good way of seeing the joy in life, but she would need to see them having fun, and I think she may have shut them out at the moment.
You could try a video if you have a camera or pics, she needs pics of the three of them having some fun.
At the moment all the pcs will be of four, bad brings it all back.
How old are the kids ? that also makes a difference, they are brighter than we give them credit for.
They may help but she may snap at them to begin with.
However you have to think of the kids, No matter how much you think you are helping by covering for her or by hiding it.
If the kids start to suffer a true friend, will stop it. after all its not their fault.
Sorry but its true.
You are in a very awkward position, be their for her but don't become her new crutch to lean on, she has to learn to stand on her own two feet, not just for her but for her two kids.
I do hope she finds some self worth before its to late to change.
Good luck hope all works out for you All.

Answer 4

The drink is Numbing the pain for a short while but she does need to find some thing else. Could she not work or do volintery work? There are a few websites that could help I will paste them.

Answer 5

We have a family member with a drink problem and a young child and the same thing happens, she is drunk picking her child up at the gates. I have spoken to her about her problem and offered to help her - It didnt work. Other family members have spoken to her - It didnt work. I feel that until they want help there is no way you can help them. I often think of phoning the social - just to buck up her ideas but I am too scarred. Good Luck!

Answer 6

talk to her she has found that drinking is helping to numb the feelings of rejection but you can see that it may cause long term probs for her and her family she needs her friends right now to have her children for her at this time would just give her more time on her own to drink has she got extended family close by perhaps they could help you could also get in touch with alanon for friends and family of alcoholics

Answer 7

Talk to a counsellor to find out ways that you can get her to go for help. Untill she does get help, make sure that her kids are safe.