I pamper him like a baby, treat him like a king.... I run around in circles to please him, cook for him, I make it a point that he looks neat, clean, well groomed; all the time. I understand him like not even his mother would... I found out he's cheating too many times and forgave him. Isn't that enough? He swears and promises he wouldn't do it again, but agin it happened. I know him more than he knows himself... that's why it's really difficult for me to just turn my back and walk away coz i know he needs me. but... what about me? We have been on for 4 years and a few months... I guess I am afraid to let go... I guess I feel humiliated and embarrased of myself that I did not succeed this relationship... what do you think? what do you think I should do? Maybe it will help you answer this question if I tell you things about myself: I am a very sweet natured person. I don't nag, I don't even know how to yell or scream or shout.I am past 40 and he's 7 yrs younger. should i give up? HELP!!
2007-03-14 20:58:06 · 21 answers · asked by gemovaperson 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
so sorry to hear that. he cheats because he knows he can get away with it. you forgave him, so deep down inside when he's in the act he is thinking " she'll be so mad, BUT she will forgive me like last time " he is going to keep doing it. I had to finally walk away from a six year relationship for the same crap. it was the hardest thing I have ever done! but now i found a man that respects me for who I am and would never cheat. if you truly love someone you would not cheat on them. he loves all the pampering and everything you do for him. but he doesn't love you. I know that sounds so horrible but its so true! give up on that loser, find you a new man. he is walking all over you. and don't feel stupid and that you made your relationship fall apart, he did it not you. you will look so strong and so much better if you get out now. it will be hard but the more he hurts you the harder it will be to get out. please respect yourself and get out! good luck
2007-03-14 21:04:54 · answer #1 · answered by princess1226 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You didn't fail, you got used. Stop being his fallback "mom" taking care of him so he can go dating, and get on with your own life. You can find a meaningful two sided relationship instead of the help him build his life kind.
So I'd say 1 year was too long to have this going on. And what all do you do for him? He hasn't appreciated it and he won't. Anyways, too late for him, A good guy will find what a jewel you are, and treat you like one. Of course that is only if you realize what a jewel you are and have a little more confidence.
The longer you put it off, the more you get used and worst you feel. And you said it, it's already been 4 years and it is hard. Do you think it will change next year, and will it be easier to walk away in year 5, or 6. Or will you still be picking up after him when he finds another fallback girl. Why waist your life. You are better than that.
Find somebody more responsible, prepared to appreciate you. And live your life, not his.
2007-03-14 21:32:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well "gem"
I'm going to be punishingly blunt here !!---- And, remember, you DID ask !!
What's wrong ? He is a rat's butt !! And, he'll never change--ever !! The REASON he does this --- is because HE CAN-- he knows that you're "okay with it" because you're still with him !! It is relationship "patterning" in the classic form--- he does what he wants--- until he gets "caught"--- then he makes Major appologies about his "failures" and promises that it will never ever ever happen again--- with an awful lot of "oh, baby I could never ever make it without you's " in tow and even very pro quality acting in the "I just can't live without you" thing !!! And, you--- thinking that -- he means it OR that YOU can't live without him OR maybe THIS time OR what the hell ever that you DO think ---- and so you reset to mode zero--start all over again---and the minute he knows he's "home free" with you--- he's back at the outside stuff again---because his routine has worked YET AGAIN !!!!
It is a game of idiocy !!!!!!!! How many women are you willing to share him with before enough is enough ?? Does he have to start bringing them home with him ?? Maybe inviting his new trists over for dinner ?? He already KNOWS that you have a problem with it BUT are willing to ACCEPT IT !!!
And, what embarrasments in giving this crap up is worse than living in a thing where YOU are made the butt of HIS JOKE by being a maid service to his exploits ??
Sure , you're a "sweet natured person"---anyone with half the grizzly guts of an alley cat would have already beat this fool half to death with his "black book" !!!
Get a grip----get a life---and get gone---before he brings you back something from his "follies" that he can't apologize for --and something that could damned well KILL YOU !!!!!!!
2007-03-14 21:20:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg lady what in gods creation are u doing or thinking.u need to dump his *** yesterday.he wont quite i was married to a man who sounds just like him and it will happen over and over and over until u get ur butt off the couch and throw his stuff in the driveway.u have done nothing but lost your soal and self estem.u can hear it in the way u write.age has nothing to do with it my husband now is four yrs younger and he would never even think about stepping out on me and if he did hed be a goner.why are u saying u would be turnign ur back hes already turned his everytime he leaves that house he has turned it on u and u sit wondering and waiting about where is he,whos he with,whens he gonna be home and ect.look in the mirror and ask yourself are u more deserving then this and im sure your answer will be YES YES I AM.
2007-03-14 21:10:13 · answer #4 · answered by queen4clewis 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hello!!! wake up honey!!
what's wrong is you let this loser stay around.
If he really "needed you" he'd be halfway nice to you. He's a user. Accept that fact and let him go use others. He's like your kid, he doesn't love you on an equal playing field, he's using you. You may not believe that, but everything that YOU told us points to that very clearly.
You are so above this. Please move on. I don't even know you and this is ridiculous. Please.
What's wrong is you're being weak. Knock it off!! Be strong and use your woman power to love yourself.
This guy is a joke!!
You will only have something to NOT be ashamed of when you finally rid your life of this guy, he's blocking someone better from eventually coming along. But you have to be single for at least a year to learn about yourself because you obviously don't care about yourself right now. At all.
If you stay with him after he cheats on you, you're only hurting yourself. Stop it, knock it off, be 100% awesome and never let this happen to you ever again!
2007-03-14 21:16:31 · answer #5 · answered by MissDixie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are being used. He keeps cheating on you and he knows you'll take him back. I know its hard to let go but you know what they say...If someone cheats on you the first time it's their fault....If it happens a second time it's your fault. Stop being pushed around by this guy and find someone else who gives you the respect and love you deserve. You sound like a rare type of girlfriend with lots of love to give. Don't let this guy drag you down. I know it'll be hard... I mean 4 years is a long time....but you deserve better than that and I think deep down inside...you know that...
2007-03-14 21:08:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a nice person, who is good hearted and good natured. If you have given him 2nd and 3rd chances, have you ever considered that it might not be you, but him. Sometimes we underestimate ourselves as women and think that we could never find anyone else better or someone who will really appreciate us. Its not true. Lets face it, no one likes to be used either and you could be putting time into someone who will return the appreciation with everything you deserve, including being faithful to you, which is #1 importance.
2007-03-14 21:03:45 · answer #7 · answered by surfercali87 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
leave him, it may be hard, but nature will help you and give you someone much better, someone sweeter. and if you don't want to let him go, leave him for about a month, stay with a friend, maybe he'll realize how much he needs you. if he does cheat again after you leave him, go for two months and then increase the time until its five months and then just divorce. its gonna be hard but you deserve much better. and if he knew him self, he would have stopped much longer ago. Good luck.
2007-03-14 21:05:10 · answer #8 · answered by SmilE 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let him go...he's not gonna change because you won't make him. You know who came up with the expression "Let sleeping dogs lie?" A DOG. You will not change him, it's been four years, what do you think is gonna change now? Get out while you still have self respect.
You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt
2007-03-14 21:11:45 · answer #9 · answered by melissa 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This man is playing you like a violin, and you're letting him.
If he's cheated on you ONCE, that's too often. Don't wait until he gives you AIDS or gets some other girl pregnant - LEAVE THE BASTARD. You are far and away too good for him.
2007-03-14 21:22:25 · answer #10 · answered by Guernica 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋