I am 29 and dont know if I think marriage is a good idea. I see too many people unhappy being married... most people. A lot people I know end up getting divorced. Having kids with someone scares me because I dont want to ever be a every other weekend dad like many divorced men. Also the court system is usually biased towards the mother in regards to children. Also I am starting to collect assets. I dont want to give half of my stuff away to someone later and dont know any girl wanting to do a prenup. Also, I dont like the idea that I have to ask someone if I can do something. If I want to buy something.. I want to buy it. If I want to go somewhere, I want to go! I dont like giving up the control. I'm thinking about staying single and adopting. What do you all have to say about this?
2007-03-14 20:09:23 · 8 answers · asked by CounselorDan 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In regards to control. I have no desire to find a woman to control. I just dont want to be controlled by a overcontrolling woman and most women are that way. I'm not saying I have to be in control of the marriage. I just like being in control of myself without having to worry about pissing someone off.
2007-03-14 21:36:12 · update #1
My biggest fear is having kids. I want kids however I dont know if I could handle someone talking them away from me just because their a woman and the court says so. It happened to my best friend. He gets to see his kids every other weekend and every Wednesday. Thats 4 days out of 14!!! I'd have to hurt someone! Thats bullcrap!!
2007-03-14 21:38:45 · update #2
Dude, I am a 29 year old guy also, and I know exactly where you are coming from.
Hear me out: First off, I have been married and divorced. Although my wife cheated on me, left me, took more than her share, etc. I am not one of those bitter dudes. Her and I didn't have children either so I can't comment on that aspect.
On the positive side: If you marry a reasonable woman; you two share the same goals; you are reasonable; you are both respectful to each other, etc....asking each other permission to do things, buy things, etc. will not be an issue. It will just be a respect factor. You won't mind and neither will she. In a healthy relationship, control will not be an issue. No one should ever feel the need to control another or feel controlled by another.
On the negative side: Your analysis of the court system, your assets and the resulting child situation is 100% correct. It doesn't matter if a guy is the father of the year, as long as the mother hasn't been arrested, it doesn't matter if she cheated and left you, she is going to get custody of the children and the man is going to have to pay her childsupport and will only get to see his kids on a limited basis. It doesn't matter if the woman came into the relationship with a pile of debt, no job and worthless, if and when she cheats on you and leaves you, she is going to take half of everything that you worked for your entire life up until the time you all divorce. Plus, she may very well get "maintenance" from you. Meaning, not only will you have to pay her child support, but you will have to financially support her, even if she is fully capable of supporting herself.
I want you to know that, even after all the facts and what I have been through, I would definitely get married again. Maybe I am a dummy, but I sincerely believe that one must follow his heart, and there is nothing better than having a woman that loves you.
Having said that, I'm pretty positive that I will never be able to bring myself to have children. I absolutely hate it! I like children and I would love to have one of my own. Unfortunately, and I hope I am proven wrong, I don't think I will ever be able to trust a womans heart enough to put myself in such a vulnerable position.
Stay Up!
2007-03-14 20:51:32 · answer #1 · answered by Cing 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your concerns are those of a man with his eyes wide open. The reasons that marriages don't work has nothing to do with the institution. People make bad choices in who they marry and thus the union fails.
I got married when I was 29 and I wish I had asked my (now my ex) wife before the ceremony, why do you want to marry me? Why do we need to get married? The questions were never asked and the answers were never found for another 15 years.
Don't worry about breaking girls hearts because you don't want marriage. Marriage does not complete a man--life does. Revel in your freedom. I would and I do. Ain't it great?
2007-03-15 03:33:34 · answer #2 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yoy don't always need to have kids in marriage that is more of past tradition alot of peole are happily married with no kids
maybe some pets. Marriage isn't for everyone the time will come when you meet someone and you will feel like your whole world would crash and burn if she wasn't there or he
that my friend is the sign of wedding bells with that person.
One last thing love always finds us it seems alot of the time when you ain't looking for love well it hits you like a arrow to a bullseye. Stay happy and open to the concept of marriage you never know? God Bless.
2007-03-15 03:27:40 · answer #3 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i say, wait a litlle while or not at all.you are not ready to marry & become "one" with another human being. If this is how you view marriage then might as well go ahead with adoption coz before you are even married, you already have preconceived notions of how it works. (at least to a self centered like u) Troubles are already lurking somewhere, how on earth can you be married? I wonder how come you had a gurl today to to be married with (incase she accepts your proposal) when you sound like a control freak!
Go ahead and enjoy life alone..do not drag other people to suffer in favor of your selfish choices and views(negative at that) about marriage.
2007-03-15 03:24:17 · answer #4 · answered by jables 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sound like a good idea.
You don't have to get married if you don't want to. There is nothing wrong with staying single. Keep your freedom and enjoy your life.
2007-03-15 03:16:27 · answer #5 · answered by Sunshine Queen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just relax
don't over think the subject
if it happens it happens
if not it won't happen
there is something called pre-nups and they are not just for famous people.
if i was smart i would of got one when i got married.
you can include special clauses, like no cheating clauses and such.
don't stress about marriage.....you are still young.
live your life and adopt if you want to.
best wishes!
2007-03-15 03:27:24 · answer #6 · answered by OR 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U will change ur change ur views when u r past middle age.
2007-03-15 04:39:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its your choice.
2007-03-15 03:13:05 · answer #8 · answered by happy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋