I feel so hopeless..I need help please?

Question

My now ex bf broke up with me last year. The thing was when we were together, he showed so much love and admiration. But something happened and another girl who has his child came into the picture. She was a one night stand before we met, I know for sure she had admitted it herself. Anyhow, he was ashamed and I helped him some to terms with having a child. But as he went to spend time w/ his child he developed feelings for the mother and left me to be with her. I was devestated. But whats worst was he lied to me about it and when I found out the truth, he was so cold and hurtful to me. Anyhow, he is no longer with her, I suppose he found out her true colors and what she was all about. But he never really apologized to me, and the more I tried to talk to him, he treated me like he never knew me and he still does. We were together for 2 yrs. He broke up with me last summer. He has told me he does not want me in his life anymore, because I said hurtful things. But he has said & done some

hurtful things to me. Why doesn't he see that?? Even though he was wrong for alot, I still wanted to be friends with him. He has told me we have no reason to speak anymore. At first I thought it was out of anger, but he really means it. I have not heard from him since last November. Even though I know I need to move on, I am still hurt, and alot of whats happened bothers me, where I cant even sleep at night. I feel very alone, and abandoned. I did nothing to him, but defend myself. Now, I feel like I lost my best friend. And it seems to not bother him in the least. Why is this?? Please can someone help me understand. I cry alot and to be honest I am so tired of feeling this way.

In a way hemakes me feel guilty, but I didn't so anything to him. Like he is punishing me, shouldnt it be the other way around?

Answer 1

I'm sorry you feel so bad but, this guy is showing his true colors. Like you said, you were defending yourself and rightfully so. I think the loving guy you thought you knew wasn't really him. People's true colors show when there are tough times. He probably doesn't want to talk to you because he knows he's no good. He's actually doing you a favor and probably doesn't realize it. He messed up. He could've owned up to it and asked you to forgive him but, he'd rather wallow in his own pity. Let him. He's not worth your time and he doesn't deserve your company.

I know it's hard to hear someone tell you they don't want you in their life. That's really hard to hear but, that is why he's an ex. People come & go in your life and as painful as it is sometimes, you just have to roll with it.

You have to let this go. You're making yourself miserable over a guy who treated you badly and continues to. Don't give him that chance. He'll continue to do these things because he can get away with it. He didn't apologize to you because he's arrogant and doesn't feel bad for what he did. You don't need someone like that in your life.

You'll meet other guys and then you'll wonder why you spent so much time crying over him. That's life and believe me, karma has a way of catching up with people like him. As hard as it is, you need to move on. Busy yourself with a new hobby so you'll stop thinking about it. It takes time but you can and will get over this. It seems like you won't now but, you will.

Look at this guy for the loser that he is and remind yourself that you deserve better. You really do. Let him live his trashy life with his trampy one night stand. He deserves to be miserable and more than likely, he is. I know this sucks and it hurts like hell but you can get over this. You're better than this guy and you know that. Good luck :)

Answer 2

There are many uncertainties in this world. I Will forward some questions for you to answer to your self ;-

1. When you found out about the matter did both of you quarrel and fight over it.
2. At the time of heated arguments did you call him any names. not his real name. names that are crude
3.How supportive are you? did you insist and ultimatum for him to leave the girl soon as the child is born.
4. Did you threaten to leave him and refuse to accept the innocent child.

these are only few of the questions that I raised which is most dreadful in a relationship especially names calling.
Humans have ego, feelings, emotion and responsibilities.
If the man can relate the truth at that very important decision of what he should do. He trusted you and loves you more than the anything. He is turning to you for a solution and support hoping that you support and advise him of a way out of the sticky situation. Not to fight and be cruel to him.
He is a very confused and troubled man now. All he needs is love and support. Just says sorry and everything will be back to normal that is if you STOLl loves him. He is stil waiting for you out there. If you don't love him set him free to take care of the other family and you carry on with your new life. No one wants to get into trouble. All Man are sinners include both sexes.

Answer 3

You are definitely having a problem moving on with your life. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. Go out more with your friends and even make some new ones. Try a couple of blind dates - they're always worth a few laughs. Since there are no guarantees in life, you have to go out and increase your own odds. Being human, we all have basic needs. Try not to fall in love with the first guy who comes along and shows you some attention and affection. Be friends for a while first. The best relationships are built on friendship. If all else fails, there are always one night stands.

Answer 4

Well Sweetheart you need to think about this in a different way. First off if you knew he had gotten another woman pregnant when you met him why did u even go out with him? His obligation was to his child and its mother...not to you. And it sounds like he came to his senses for awhile when he left you and went to his child and its mom. You have no claim on him at all including emotionally. Let me scream this to you on paper as loud as i can....HE MADE A BABY WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. When he left you to be with the mother and child you say you were devastated....you should have felt good that he was an upstanding guy and was going to be a man and fulfill his obligation. He shouldn't be with you and now that he as again abandoned his kid and mother you should want even less to do with him. If he did it to them then what makes you so sure he wouldn't do it to you. Oh yeah the old "but our situation is different...he really loves me" No that doesn't fly. He did it once he can hurt you just as easy. Nope...you need to re-think this and be happy he is gone and go find yourself a man that will respect you and be man enough to NOT bring kids into this world before it is time. Come on...you can do it...just be very picky thats all and if they don't hold up to your standards then let them go and on to the next one.......Good Luck!

Answer 5

Sweetheart, Mia: You've been going through one of life's crisis
and it has been taking you down, not sleeping right and probably
not eating right. This feeds depression which makes all seem hopeless and impossible to carry on for yourself. Once you
have recognized this in yourself, from within, strength will come
to face the days, weeks and months where doors will open to
you as soon as you let them. You must busy yourself to regain
some peace of mind. A man can sometimes make a U Turn
6 mos or a year later. A finer one may come into your life.
As the day ends, take that little spark left in you and say:
"Tomorrow I will start to make myself New Again For Me!"
Please do not punish your esteem and your self-worth.
Look how many of us unknown to you love and care for you.

Love is not having to apologize. But, you must forgive your-
self before you can forgive another. I'm sure he is laden
with guilt for turning two relationships out and no gain. Mark your calendar "Today starts a better me!" Being sad wastes time.

Answer 6

This is one of the most difficult things about a breakup. I'm sorry that you're hurting so much still.When our ex seemingly moves on without a care and we are still in such pain, it makes it even harder to move on. Sometimes it only seems to us that our ex didn't feel any sadness from the breakup, when they really did, but we couldn't see it through our own pain.When you push him to talk to you, it doesn't give him the opportunity to feel the sadness because he may be busy feeling anger. Try to just worry about you now. You will never get past this pain if you won't just focus on yourself.
If you think you might be depressed, then talk to you Dr. Take care of you.

Answer 7

I'm sorry to tell you this but I bet I'm not the first you are being a drama queen. Life is too short to be running after and crying about a guy that doesn't want you anymore grow up carryb on with your life and find a guy who wants you and hopefully he doesn't have a kid from a one night stand. Honestly you need to get over this guy you deserve better
it is time for you to realize this fact. Find someone who will treat you right.

One other thing maybe he don't want you back because all you do is whine? I'm not being rude or mean I'm just stating a feeling from the question/letter you wrote.

Answer 8

This was a hurtful time for him and he does not want to be with anyone who he associates with that hurt. Even though you did something good he associates you with the hurt. Move on, you could spend a lot of time waiting for him to get over his pain and come back. Chances are that won't happen.

Answer 9

You have to let go. Just take deep breaths and everytime your thoughts turn to him turn them away to something else, in time you will hardly think of him at all. I promise. In a little more time you won't even care.

Answer 10

i went through alot of crap too with my ex, but mostly what it is is that deep down they know they were wrong and in order to not admit it to themself, they push you away...its a defense mechenism...it sucks and it will hurt, but just try and move on and realize that it is his loss not yours because you tried and he didnt, he will regret it sooner or later :D just hang in there...