My brother said he learned in psych. that a person who is generally happy will always be happy and vice versa. Even after a lifechanging event such as the death of a child/spouse, or a marriage, they will always return to their previous state of happiness. He also says that if you interview a person when they are 20 and then 60 their views on happiness will be the same? I am asking because I recently experienced a loss. Will I ever be the same?
2007-03-14 18:51:38 · 6 answers · asked by mel s 6 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
With a loss comes sorrow. It is not permanent. The deepest sorrow, like all feelings, passes in time. It is kinder in the long run to yourself to feel your feelings now, hurt and sad though they are, than to put on a stiff upper lip and suppress them.
Our personal feelings don't follow the layouts mapped in psych class generalisations. We often don't even follow the charts provided by bereavement counselling theory :-)
There's good statistical observational truth in what your brother said. But everyone has the POWER to change.
Death of a child is arguably the most foundations-shaking experience anyone goes through (and perhaps especially in western culture). If that is your loss, you can know somewhere in your mind that people DO recover, do overcome, do rebuild life with a new delight after tragedy, after suffering, after trauma. But it is rare to reach acceptance, true, whole hearted, mind-and-emotions full acceptance in which all the attachment has been released and surrendered...... and create a new life in which the loved one is past and not present....... without pain, without strain, without peaceless nights and loveless hours before one gets there.
Light to you.
2007-03-18 09:42:44 · answer #1 · answered by MBK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to go straight to your last question. Will you every be the same? No! Will you be able to get over the lose and move on? Most likely.
You will never be the same because as we move through life our experiences shape us, sometimes just a little, some times a lot, sometimes for the "good", sometimes for "bad". You will be different, but if choose to be happy or sad really depends on how you deal with life. It is probably true that a "happy" person will find it easier to come back to "happy".
One thought I think about quite a bit. People like to lump things into "good" and "bad", the problem I have seen is that when I look back at some "bad" things in my life I realize that was the point where I learned something that made me a better person. A person could say well I lost someone I loved, that has to be bad. Well it certainly is sad, but we are all going to die, there is no getting around that. If we can leave behind a person that thinks of us and loves us, and is better because they came in contact with us, I think even in death we have something that is wonderful.
2007-03-14 21:01:26 · answer #2 · answered by Bulk O 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your brother is a little off. Not everyone is the same in that, events can change a person's outlook. I know that my view on happiness is very different from what it was a few years ago so I doubt it will be the same at 20 as 60. People can be happy for years and then get depressed.
And you, you will not be the same person. That's a good thing. People grow and evolve over time. Will you being happy change? That's really up to you. Your brain is not some "other" that you have no control over, you brain is you, what you think and what you choose. Your future state of happiness will depend on how you choose to handle this situation. It's good to greive and to aknowledge loss, don't deny what you feel. In time you you will get used to what happened. I don't think anyone ever get over something major and tragic, they really just get used to it and learn to move on. Take as much time as you need but move one when you feel ready. It's okay to miss someone and still be happy. I wish you the best.
2007-03-14 19:05:24 · answer #3 · answered by vampire_kitti 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
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2016-12-14 19:34:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, you will grow emotionally, you will be wiser, you will look at things a little differently, But you will still be you.
experiencing a loss is one of the hardest to go through and it does take time. But you will come out of it with your same outlook on life. You will laugh again, hurt again, and you will be strong again.
Take care and good luck
2007-03-14 19:25:53 · answer #5 · answered by Kismitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what kind of question is that? nobody will ever know that answer, becausee it's unasnwerable
2007-03-14 20:08:29 · answer #6 · answered by kevin e 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋