help with sentence structure...?

Question

I am bad with sentence structure, is this paraghraph written right?


With each year new resolutions are made. One of the most popular resolutions made every year, according to USA.gov, is to get fit. At the beginning of a new year newly fit inspired people begin their journey to become fit only to lose interest in the process and quit. How is it that one of the most popular New Year resolutions dissolves long before the year is done? What regime can we turn to that can help our mind, body, and soul become fit? Our answer can be found in an art form that originated 5,000 to 9,000 years ago and is still practiced today. The answer lies in dance.

Answer 1

I decided to rewrite this how -I- felt it would be best. Don't change if you don't want to, but be my guest.

With each new year, resolutions are made. According to USA.gov, one of the most popular resolutions made every year is to get fit. At the beginning of a new year, people begin their journeys to get in shape completely inspired, only to lose interest in the process and quit soon afterwards. How is it that one of the most popular New Year's resolutions dissolves long before the year ends? What regime can we turn to that will help our minds, bodies, and souls to become fit? Our answer can be found in an art form that originated 5,000 to 9,000 years ago and is still in practice today. The answer lies in dance.

Answer 2

In Western society many people make resolutions on New Year's eve. One of the most popular, according to a United States government report, is to get fit.

At the beginning of the new year, inspired people begin their quest to become fit, only to lose interest early in the process and quit. Why is it that one of the most popular New Year's resolutions most often dissolves long before the year is done? What regimen can we turn to that will help our mind, body and soul to become fit?

The answer can be found in an art form that began thousands of years ago and is still widely practiced today. The art of dance is the perfect tool to provide physical exercise, and to intrinsically placate the mind and soul...

Answer 3

How does this fit?
According to studies conducted by the US government, one of the most popular new year resolutions is to get physically fit. Author Neil Gaiman said this:

"It's a Resolution, and is thus always completely and perfectly forgotten by January the 3rd."*

But what if this resolution involves a method that can help our mind, body and soul become fit, isn't that worth sticking to? This method has worked wonders for people through out the ages, some 5,000 to 9,000 years ago and is still practiced today and is now considered one of the highest forms of art: Dance.

I hope you'll find more creative ways with your paragraph. Bonne chance!

Answer 4

You might want to change around some words and use more transitions words to improve to the flow of your sentences. For example, Remove "With" from the first sentence and expand the sentence just a little more. Use a good transition word for the second sentence like "consider" or "for instance" or "for example". Where the fourth sentence is put "but" in front of how. You might want to use another word than "regime". And bring a little more clarity in that sentence in regard to who we can turn to help our mind and body. Unless you are specifically talking about a political party or group. Okay just consider it.