sooo confused!!?

Question

I am 21 years old i got married last year! i thought i was the happiest woman on earth but know i dont know if i love him. somedays i wake up and i love him so much. then the next day i hate him sooo much! i used to have sex with him everyday but now i dont want him to touch me. i am repulsed by him and he is starting to notice! what can i do?? i am desperate i dont know if i should get divorced! i need help! what should i do?

Answer 1

wow. It sounds like to me that you have some real problems. I married when I was 18 and had four kids with my husband. April 12th will be our 4 year anniversary. We are very happy so dont listen to people that tell you that you may have married to young. I think that you and your husband need to sit down and re-evaluate your relationship. You obviously love him or you would not be with or much less wke up some mornings deeply in love with him. I think that maybe you are just stressed out. You got married and that means that you have commited yourself to one person for the rest of your life. It means that its both of your jobs to look out for the interest of each other. I am so sorry that you are having to expeirence these feelings but no one but you can do whats right for you. I am not saying that you should stay married if you are not happy. I am not one of those people that think that you should stay with your marriage no matter what. I believe that if you are unhappy there is no reason to stay. If you stay in an unhappy/miserable relationship then you will only be bitter all the time.

I do however offer you this sugestion.....Take some time just for the two of you. Go away. Take a vacation and get away from the real world so that you can remember how your realtionship once was before marriage. Find that love that you guys once had. If that does not work then try some councling. Counciling is not cut out for everyone and sometimes it make a bad cituation even worse so be careful. If that does not work Then I suggest a short seperation. There is nothing like a break to test the strength and love of a relationship. If you can go everyday without being able to see your husband or talk to him then maybe you should go ahead and get the divorce over with so both of you can work on being happy again. But if it kills you not to pick up the phone and call him or drive to see him then you need him. If your minds always saying his name you need him.

Think long and hard before you make your descion. Just remember you would not have married him if you did not love him. Take things slow and think before you act. Follow your hear. Good luck sweetie and I pray that things work out for you guys. I hope that this helped.

Answer 2

No sweetie, You should not get divorced. This is so very normal. Love changes as it goes and along the way it grows. It is normal to feel that repulsed feeling. I have felt it and everyone I know has too. You just wake up one morning and you feel like you dont even know that person and that you literally hate them, then something happens where there is a crisis or something serious and he just pulls you through it. No questions asked. He becomes the best friend and even like a brother or a father. He is the protecter and the strong one when you just cant, he is the backbone and fighter you cant be at the moment and he is just your world when your world is ending. It does change honey...over and over. and it will forever until your married forever and a day. All I am saying is dont give up. I know exactly how you feel, but stick it out and you will see what I mean. I wish you all the luck and love in the world.

Answer 3

I don't know who promised you a rose garden sweetie, but marriage is a full time job. There are conferences, one on one meetings, scheduling issues, difficult bosses, smoking breaks, and the whole nine yards. You've only been married a year and you need to figure out how both you and your spouse are changing so both of you can meld with each other. And yes, you will go through times of not being able to stand him or not wanting him to touch you. Everyone gets irritated with someone at some point. Your job is figure is to figure out the source of the problem and deal with it. If you give up after a year, I don't hold much hope for any future relationships you might have.

Answer 4

what has happened to make him repulse u and not want to have sex with him?
it is not a good sign that u are repulsed by him so u either dont love him anymore ( or u never did and were too young and immature to realise it before u married the guy), or u guys need some outside help such as a relationship/marriage counsellor. Good luck with that

Answer 5

is he doing things you dislike him doing? Its not clear as to why you are repulsed by him there nmust be a reason as to why... bad habbits... hygene .... is he a jerk what? You should really sit sown and talk to him as to what your feeling really are and he WILL want to know why you fel this way so be prepared for his questions. Maybe there is something he can do to fix it maybe there is something you can do to help him fix it. Marage should be taken seriously... not get married because you know somewhere down the road you can always divorce later if you get tired of him.. you made vows... through thick and through thin... heres the thin part... stick with him.... try to work out issues by being honest and communicate feeling openly.. this is a huge secret to a sucessful marrage. the first 5 yrs are the hardest because you are adapting to a lot of changes you never thought about before. You will have ups and downs... but shouldnt have too many .... dont be to nit picky about every little thing... and he shouldnt as well. always know you cantchange a person... you should have known him well enough before you got married. his habbits wont change. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS let him know when there is something upsetting you and likewise for him. Try not to become upset over the little things. worry about what really matters. talk to him... Never raise your voice and be sincere. Best wishes

Answer 6

long before i got married at the age of 22, I was convinced that marriage is not always a rose garden. I think you have to understand this in a first place.
It's also about learning which take a lifetime.
communication is also the most important thing, let him know what you feel and two of you can work it out.
do not decide anything without thinking deeply.
Good luck!

Answer 7

You don't wake up one day and hate someone, there must be some reasons. You need to start to be a real married couple and learn to communicate, find out what the real issues are and set a strategy to overcome them. Marriage isn't meant to be easy but it might be worthwhile if you try hard to fix it before it is broken too much.

Answer 8

You have something going on in your head. Did you recently have a baby? Sometimes that can deaden your desire for awhile. Or is he doing something different that repulses you, like not showering, etc. If you think it's something physical or mental with you, you should see a doctor. If he truly has become repulsive for some reason, you need to tell him what your problem is.

Answer 9

You are too young to be miserable. It is awful being in your shoes. If you are repulsed by him, then move on. You could try counseling, if you really still love him, but if not just let go. Maybe, you can both move on without hating each other.

Answer 10

I'd try counseling or at least talking to someone about your feelings. If that doesn't work and you still can't stand it, you need to get out of it. There is no use trying to keep something that you don't want. It's not healthy for you to stay in a marriage that your miserable in.