How to better communication with spouse?

Question

My husband of nearly 5 years knows I am here for him. But I wish he would open up more about things he is thinking about. I know he will never be like a chatty girlfriend who can find something new to complain about everyday- but how can I better encourage him to talk about stuff I KNOW is bothering him?? I feel like he keeps everything inside or tries to conquer all his problems on his own, which begs the question: why bother being married?

Hey everyone-- thank you so much. Your answers so far have been nice. At least some one out there is talking to me. Ha!
I must say though, I am appreciating the thoughts of the men out there so much. I am hearing a lot of things for the first time. I feel the women's perspectives I have already internalized.

Answer 1

Thank god he at least thinks! He will never change though, so you better get used to the silence. But, one question: Are you really listening to him? Do you talk over him? Interrupt? Overpower his opinions with sensible debate? Just shut up and listen once. This may open him up a bit.
My husband is the same. Very quiet, closed-mouthed. I talk a lot. One day, I shut up and really listened. Amazing! After a very long, uncomfortable silence, he talked, and talked, and talked...
He still doesn't say much, but it's almost as if he trusts me more with his thoughts.
Good luck.

Answer 2

Some guys prefer not to talk about things right away because they need to cool down and not dwell on their problems. Just because he doesn't want to talk about his problems doesn't mean he doesn't need you and the marriage. Maybe a massage, a loving hug, an activity that will get his mind off whatever it may be, or just showing how much you love and care for him when he is having a bad day is more than enough. It doesn't hurt to ask him what is wrong once, let him know you'll be there if he wants to talk about it, and then move on with the above.

Answer 3

He may not want to share the things that are bothering him because he probably doesn't think that it is that important or because he doesn't want you to worry about those things too.

You will know when certain things start to bother him when he starts getting frustrated or stressful. It isn't good to keep things inside because it is not healthy. You only can tell him that you are there when he wants to share things with you. Just don't always assume there is something bothering him just because he sits there in a daze, it could be that he is just thinking about something or wants to just relax.

Being married is not only communicating with one another. Being married is showing appreciation, respect, and love to one another. Plus, there are other ways to communicate like showing actions (doing things for one another).

And yes, men are not like women who can talk to another woman without stopping. Sometimes men find other men to talk about things. You may want to get involved with some of the things he finds interested in and maybe he will share some of those things with you.

Just wondering how he was when you two were dating.

Answer 4

Ya most husbands can be like that they keep all there problems inside but expect us to share our problems, the only thing i could tell you is to explain to him that it wont bother you if you just open up or you can tell him pretty much what i told my husband "i think its time you start communicating with me." And being married has nothing to do with communication sweety its all about how much you love the person and care for the person and you want to spend the rest of your life with the person. Good Luck

Answer 5

Been there. Am doing that (what you're husband is doing). Trying to get better at it. I ask my wife to be patient with me. I'm trying. I have agreed to have couch time when I get home. Maybe you could try this (a forum for just talking about things). If you find out anything more let me know too. I will tell my wife (she wants to know the same thing). Just say you love him and explain that it hurts when he withholds b/c you are part of him and when he hurts you hurt and am trying to help him.

Answer 6

TEE HEE, TEE HEE, BOY IVE BEEN DOWN THIS ROAD BEFORE,, THAT HAPPENED TO ME WHEN I WAS IN MY 15TH YR OF MARRAGE.
ok when ladies,, wifes, gals gurls and pains in the butt play there assa nine behaviors at times, and hugs im being nice,, towards men sorta like when a toddler,, wants mommy all the time for attention and wifes do there best without even knowing this to men bye wearing there giant ignores on there sleeves and think there stuff doesnt stink,,,and they have more fun doing girl things,, a man sees this faster then a rabbit going across the yard and find out she wasnt that good lady i married before,,s o,, men head to the bars to get drunk or do there own things to irritate the ladies back,,,,,,,,, becuase we are always slammed and treated like trash,,
when this happened to me, i told my wife and her girlfreind that i am getting out of the car in the blizzard to walk home and i did it too,, only took a moment to get lost,, and that was like her worst day ever,, ann never did that to me ever again.

Answer 7

hhmmm you hit on something really HUGE! hahaha.

Your married because you love him....unless of course you'd rather be married to a Chatty girlfriend....but think about how annoying that could end up...uuggh the agony of never being able to just tell her to SHUT THE HECK UP! you know on those really crappy days when you come home with that migraine...
Believe me your better off.

Answer 8

Tell him how you feel. You open up to him first and let him know how much you love him and you want ya'll to be close and share everything and keep NO secrets !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tell him that you feel torn apart lately but you want that to change !!!!