I'm separated. I have realized I'm codependant. I have no self respect anymore. I love my wife so much but I have lost my self identity. I used to love to watch sports (don't do it b/c she didn't like it and wanted my attention). I use to enjoy reading the newspaper (she wanted attention). I use to enjoy doing work projects around the house (she didn't think I did a good job and wanted it hired out). I enjoyed going camping w/ my son (but I feel guilty that I'm leaving her home; stopped doing that). I use to enjoy bike riding (feel guilty about leaving the fam on the weekend). Basically, I feel guilty about doing things by myself w/o the fam and have forgot everything that use to make me happy b/f we met and married. Now that were separated, I feel a complete void. Only have one friend that I can go to. All the rest are couple's friends that only talk to her. I'm reading 12 step prayer books to help me out. What else can I do?
2007-03-14 17:19:53 · 8 answers · asked by bigdaddy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My friend I went through the same thing went I went through divorce years ago. You aren't happy with the old you because as far as you are concerned the old you got you where you are today. The best medicine I found is to get up one morning and reinvent myself into something I did like. I changed my outside appearance by losing weight and shaving my beard off. I then started on the inside me. I looked at the way I treated women and realized that I was selfish with my time and my needs. I only listened to what I wanted to hear from them. I was young and stupid and decided to make myself into a more honorable, respectable, and desirable man(I learned the art of being romantic along the way). I started listening more when someone talked(don't spend all your time bending someones ear with what your problems are), I became more outgoing and social, and spent less time at home in front of the TV and more time getting together with friends. You make yourself a new life by becoming a new person inside and out. Within a year and a half of my divorce I had two women trying to nail me down again and one managed to get the job done. Instead of sitting around singing whoa is me - get up and make some changes in yourself starting tomorrow. You'll feel great about life in no time.
2007-03-14 17:56:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I thinks its healthy for all couples to have their "own" time and also their own interests,it should be a nice balance of that and time for the family, also time for yourselves, i know how hard this can be.
I can't believe she would have a problem with you reading the newspaper, i would have just been happy to have had my x husband at home around me, no matter what he was doing, and as far as taking your son camping, my sons would have killed for the father/son time, and i would think she would have maybe enjoyed doing something she wanted to in that time you were away with him.
I think the problem may lie with your wife, why does she demand the constant attention from you, insecure perhaps?
I Think you should start doing some of those things again, they would make you feel better, make you regain that self identity, and thus this would make you feel happier.
I'm not sure as to weather you want work things out with your wife or not, but if you do, as you did say you loved her, you may need to go to some councilling and also express exactly what you have said here...
I wish you luck with it.
2007-03-14 17:45:26 · answer #2 · answered by smileyone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you read Melody Beattie's books 'Codependent No More' and 'Beyond Codependency'? They are very good books focused specifically on codependency. In these books you'll find the answer: whether you are codependent or not. You may also wanna go to a Codependent meeting. It follows the same format as all the 12 step programs. Good luck!
2007-03-14 17:31:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
codependency is an addiction to people, behaviors, or things, u try to control interior feelings by controlling people, things and events. your so concerned about your wife, that your sense of self is restricted. u might join a support group, others u can share your pain with.to get past this u will need strength beyond your own. so take this time to deal with it, get help, join a support group, and remember the old ways of life have a way of creeping back into your life.just do the things u use to like to do, regardless of how bad u feel. its our thoughts and perceptions that cause us the most emotional pain.
2007-03-14 17:40:02 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all those things you said you stopped doing sounds like a good place to start. get back out into the world; meet new people, make new friends, and start over. If she cant accept you need to have a life of your own maybe you should go a step further than being seperated.
2007-03-14 17:40:41 · answer #5 · answered by the_syco_t 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do is learn to love yourself again and make You happy. This happens to females too so ya not alone!
2007-03-14 17:38:47 · answer #6 · answered by snickers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go back to doing all the things you like. watch sports, ride your bike, work on your projects, etc.
2007-03-14 17:23:57 · answer #7 · answered by fear of the dark 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay seperated and go to vegas twice a year for your fix!
2007-03-14 17:24:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋