What do I do?

Question

My lodest son who is 12 heats his dad for leaving and my 3 year old just misses his daddy? My husband has left and went on to start his new life with his girlfriend and my kids are having a hard time with the speration.

My husband does not want anythig to do with any of us. I am seeing a wonderful man who my boys like a lot and he cares about my kids but he has no kid of his own. I don't know what to do.

My husband left in November of 2006. I have only been dating since 2007.

Answer 1

This type of abandonment is so hurtful to young boys. You, as their mother must be their solid rock. Careful about your 12 year old, he is likely to develop very detrimental anger issues. Sit him down. Tell him that his dad has made some very bad choices and that you feel sorry for his dad because you know that someday he will regret not being able to be this boys dad, to be there everyday to know him and to love hime. Here's the important part...Tell him that when he is an adult, he can do better. He can be a whole man. A man whose children admire him. A man who can be counted on to love an support his wife and children. Tell him that just because his father isn't that kind of man doesn't mean that he can't be. Tell him that you see something special in him and that the three of you are going to stick together and you're going to be ok together and maybe even laugh a little and have a little fun too :)

Answer 2

Alright, here is what you do. You keep living the way you are and let time do its part. You just play the mom role. The kids will get to liking the new guy and will eventually loose interest in the dad. I mean let the kids talk on the phone with him or let the dad come over or whatever. But it was the same case with me when i was young. They will slowly figure out about their dad. Its easier to take if they slowly figure it out on their own. Well it was for me. I really hope all goes well. Im sure it will because a mom always knows whats right.

Answer 3

I really think that you should not even be dating another man. Your kids have gone through enough drama already. Can't you even see what it has done to them with their dad leaving?

They don't need anymore drama in their lives right now. You need to raise them first until they are old enough to be on their own and then you should start dating. But, don't bring another man in their lives just because you feel lonely, don't you care about how they feel???

Your kids should come first in your life, not another man. They need their mom. You may need to spend as much time with them to cope with their feelings. They are acting like this because this is what happens when a marriage breaks apart. The kids suffer.

Answer 4

In my opinion if your boys are having a hard time missing their dad you shouldn't introduce a new man into their lives. That is probably making the matters worse for them. You will have plenty of time to date later once you and the boys have healed from the trauma your husband has put upon you. Put them first in your life and show them you are the solid figure in their life. Right now they are probably worried you will leave them too for the other man just like their dad did to them. Too much is happening too fast in their lives. People are coming and going into their lives that they possibly cannot understand what is happening.

Good luck!

Answer 5

1.) Don't badmouth the guy in front of the kids.
2.) Reassure them that you love them and you're there to stay, you're not going anywhere!
3.) Social interaction w/other kids...things are always better w/friends.
4.) You need to talk w/somebody a counselor, pastor, etc..because a child can pick up that you're feeling down and depressed and if you're happy they will be too.
****These are just some ideas..you may or may not need counseling but it couldn't hurt and if it helps you be better around the kids then it's worth it.**** Good Luck! G.

Answer 6

Just love them. that is all you can do really. You can talk about it with them, so they don't feel that they have to keep it all inside. Get your son into a sport or something. Scouts can be good too. There are more mother than father leaders where I live. So he probably won't feel worse that all the other kids there have dads and he doesn't. I just saw that there is another man involved............maybe he would be willing to join scouts with him........just a thought.

Answer 7

Spend some good times with both sons and boyfriend, but talk to your husband about what the boys are going threw, I am so sorry your sons are hurt , your a loving and concerned mom.

Answer 8

if u can make ur kids understand the situation.......go on.
we get our life only once, and it shold be lived in peace and satisfaction. if u can't get a solace in ur husband u r free to find a perfect match for you. Also ur present hus is not at all caring any of u is a right reason to find ur choice. unless u find a better match, better u live ur life alone. if u r confident in ur new boy friend, get him to ur life.........make a decision that's ur own. once its made, cling to that.......nobody will be worried about that more than two weeks...........

Answer 9

its a hard to for you and the kids, but the best way to settle them down is to talk to them, be honest but kind, let them know that all they will ever need from a father or a mother they will get from you, tell them that you will never leave them and let them know that their dad didn't leave because he didn't love them but because things dint work out between you two and sometimes the best thing to do stay apart, make sure they know that none of this happened because of them because kids sometimes blame them selfs and just shower them with love without spoiling them to death

Answer 10

the best you can do is to let them know that they are loved.
i doubt your 12 year old truly hates his father but is deeply hurt and may be feeling abandoned or guilty. you might want to think about short term counseling for him. as to your three year old the most i can say is that time will help in this area. i wish you all the best of luck