sixteen years together and he told me a lie to protect me,the truth would have not made a torn marriage/heart?

Question

it may seem that it shouldnt matter,but he knows how strongly i feel about honesty,not lying or ripping my heart out and stommping on it,and saying well i said im sorry what else do you want i wanted honesty,not lies deception,because now im wondering what other stories did he tell if he made up a story and got caught how am i suppose to believe in him,his words he doesnt seemed bothered by it and says deal with it,i thought that with this much time behind us i would know hed be straight with me,no games-now though im wondering what else.when hes at home he distant and cold me &son6 whom he insists will wind up in a prision one day cause he gets in trouble for talking at school,he is arrogent,pompous and loves to belittle others by using words like profunctory profusal-thourough inspection,he thinks its funny that people dont know what hes talking about.he moved out of the bedroom two months ago said i moved around too much at night so he bought a bed for the 3rd room and sleeps there

tojustaguy-no lyingis a sin,he broke the rules

Answer 1

Let's see:
He is mean to your son by saying he'll end up in prison;
He lies to you;
He belittles you;
He is distant and cold to you and your son;
He's moved out of your bedroom.

Frankly, he sounds abusive and it sounds like the marriage is over. You can go to a counselor, but I think maybe you should also go to a lawyer.

Answer 2

Honesty, integrity, etc, etc. He told a lie to protect you or your feeling from what I gather in your message. Well, guess what. Everyone deceives or lies, even to themselves sometimes. Little white lies, but still lies.

We throw out little white lies to others, such as oh, your kid is really smart, good looking, etc. Oh, yes you look great today.

When it comes to your spouse, yes you should be able to trust them more, but hey lies or withholding information is a normal response sometimes. For example at work, a couple of times women have come on to me. Yeah, felt great and I didn't take them up on anything and played it off, but I sure didn't go home and tell the wife. Why, to many issues. Same thing in reverse, I know my wife has most likely been hit on and she hasn't come home and told me about it, why? Because I would want to go down and beat the living crap out of someone. When, my wife can handle it by saying "NO".

So, since you said he did it to protect you; I believe I wouldn't get mad. I would have just said, " hey babe, I wish you would have told me, but I understand and I love you. If such and such happens don't worry you can tell me. We have been together 16 years, we are beyond that.

So, now he is in another bedroom. Why? Did you ride him on this "Lies I won't tolerate thing"? Did it make him mad? I don't know because you didn't give enough details, but hey if you did get really upset then hey "maybe he was right not to tell you". I can't really say, because the question and details are too vague. Well, that's the best I can do with the information you provided. I hope it helps some.

The thing is 16 years is a long time.. Don't sweat the small stuff. Sometimes, the woman has to make the move to make things right.

One thing that bothers me is how you state he is about belittling people, etc. Did this just start happening, since this event happened? If he's always been like this, then there may be other issues. Who knows? Normally, people with these traits have a tendency to lie or over exaggerate things.

The thing is 16 years is a long time.. Don't sweat the small stuff, but I would speak to him about the belittling thing. Tell him how it could make others perceive him as a jerk, etc. Now, if he does this to his son, then he may have had issues growing up or he may just not get it. How this could have a negative impact on his son. Either way, that needs to stop!

Well, best of luck.

Answer 3

It sounds to me like your husband is trying to put up a wall to distance himself from you so that it will be easier and more justifiable for him to bow out of your marriage. He may have even told you about this lie from years past to upset you and cause tension between you. If you want to hold onto this marriage, I suggest you ignore his negative behavior and try to figure out why he wants out of your marriage. My guess is that it's one of two things. 1) He's unhappy--with life period. He may be experiencing depression. (This would explain why he wants to start trouble. When you are depressed, any feelings other than apathy or sadness such as anger are better). He is most likely experiencing low self esteem. Men seldom see themselves as the source of their unhappiness. They will place the blame on their wives, but it's how they feel about themselves that's the problem. Remember in this case, apathy is your enemy and that men need to feel good about themselves. Avoid all criticism, compliment him, listen when he talks, initiate sex, and make your home a refuge. Of course he is not blameless, he is the one causing all the trouble, but if you want to help your man get out of his rut, you will focus on his positives--even if you have to make some up. The second possibility is that he is having a relationship outside of the marriage. If this seems like a possibility, you need to find out one way or another. STD's are nothing to mess around with.

Answer 4

I'm sorry, but it sounds like there are things going on that you are not aware of. I would be concerned about this new behavior and how he thinks you should deal with "it" when you caught him in a lie. Personally I feel that it is probably not his first one. Any man that puts down his wife and children after 16 years, has issues and is trying to find a way out of the relationship, but is not man enough to admit things aren't going they way he wanted and wants out. Sleeping in another room? Please? Who is he kidding? Is he waiting for you to kiss up to him and beg him back? I sure hope not. I'm sure you and your children deserve more than what he is contributing to the family. I wish I could say things sound like they will work out, but it doesn't. I hope you are a strong woman for yourself and your children. Please don't let him put you down and make you feel any less of a woman since he has decided to sleep in another room. And don't you believe it has anything to do with you. Men are good at putting the blame on women when things don't go their way. It's sound like you need to kick him out. Sorry. REMEMBER: YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN YOU ARE RECEIVING!!!

Answer 5

u want honesty he doesn't want to give it. u both are traveling down a different path. he also seems to delight in putting u down, mostly to boost his own low self esteem, because when he is bashing u he feels higher, more important. u need to see if he will go to therapy if not u need to seriously find a way out of this mess.

Answer 6

If you want your marriage counseling is in order

Answer 7

tell him that you will no longer procrastinate about seeing a lawyer.
he's an assho!e

Answer 8

You lie too!

Answer 9

sorry, i really have no idea as to what your asking.

Answer 10

I can not figure out what you are asking, at all.. can you add details.. please..